Adult children

[Theresaratinmykitchen1]

Hi all,

just hoping for some advice regarding my 19 (almost 20yo).

They are in an age gap relationship which I do not approve of (currently at uni).

Am I being over protective or how can I encourage my child into a relationship more their own age?

When discussed, they have indicated concern with partners their own age, particularly misogyny & lack of trust.

What’s the age gap and how did they meet?

So she's dating an older man? How much older?

Most importantl! Is it a professor?

Invite him over... Ime seeing your dd having a supportive family might make him see she isn't easily isolated and not that easy to make fall victim to his 'charms'..

Ridiculous not to tell us what the age gap is.

You must know the thread will fill up with people asking??

TBH it's actually none of your business.

Really not enough info here!! Whats the age gap?? I was 18 at uni and now dh was 23, my parents considered that an age gap relationship. They had him over for sunday dinner and loved him, weve been together 18y this year...

Is he SIGNIFICANTLY older? In a position of trust??

Sorry, met at uni. An older student. But lives on campus so don’t know how to monitor

An older student... but still how much older?

You can't monitor it because they are an adult and can do what they like.

Yeah. What’s the age gap op? Bit more info needed

10yrs

Op your thread title says it all ....
"Adult children".
Your daughter is nearly 20, independent (at university)and in a relationship.
She's a grown up.....so unless the other person is someone really dodgy I suggest you leave well alone

Nothing you can do. When I was a student I had a relationship with someone 12 years older than me. My parents knew the best thing was to accept it, show me love and support a d be there when I came to my senses and ended it.

Hmm 10 years. Both students. Both at same stage in life. He hasnt got power or influence as a professor etc, is what it is. You need to invite them both over for a meal/drinks get to know him and them as a couple!

Sounds like she's just getting it out of her system OP.

She'll be experimenting with all sorts of things at uni that you cannot monitor.

All you can do is be there for her.

It's obviously just a fling in the uni years. I don't know why you would want to encourage a relationship at her age, just let her have fun.

Hoping she comes to her senses. Thank you

I have quite a few family members with a similar age gap between them and their long term partners.

Back off. She’s an adult and at university. If he or she treats her well that’s the only important thing.

Ok, thank you for everyone’s input. Tbh I didn’t know what I can do as a parent. I’ll try dealing with it for the moment x

My son was in an age gap relationship, over 20 years, and the bloke was an absolute bell end.

Still I welcomed him, and made sure ds and I still had a completely open and honest relationship, and so when problems started he came to me instead of hiding it because I wasn't against them.

It fizzled out after a year thank god.

All you can do is support your child really.

What is it that you don't approve of, just his age? Have you even met him?

Your daughter is an adult; unless she's particularly immature or somehow vulnerable and you have reason to believe that he's taking advantage of her, you need to butt out.

You shouldn't be monitoring her relationships or encouraging her into relationships you approve of.

I completely understand but 30-40 is a bit different to 19-29.
I guess the gap closes but right now I don’t feel comfortable with it

You don’t have to be comfortable with it. You aren’t the one in the relationship with him.

Not really, its 10 year, it will always be 10 years, my mum was 18 when she married my dad who was 11 years older at 29 - they were together until he died at 86!

Its more important if he's a nice decent fellow.