Would you let husband take 18mth old across country to see his family for a few days (3) without you (mum)?

[onyxtulip]

Just that really. I don't like the idea of not seeing my DD for 3 days and worry that she'd be upset also. But he is a competent dad and my inlaws are lovely. I can't go as supporting my own DM with cancer treatment.

IABU - its fine, let him take her
INBU - DD too little to be away from her mama for 72hrs

Thanks!

Of course it’s OK! They’ll have a great time, and the reunion with you will be lovely afterwards too.

Unless you're about to drip feed that he's never done a bedtime or works all the time and never spends time with DC then it's an out and out unreasonable.

You'll miss her but it'll be good for her to spend some time with family. My DH does it all the time in the school holidays when I'm working, he takes the kids to his mums for a night or 2 and I really enjoy both the silence and the lack of cooking!

Oh course. Surely you trust the da?

Yes, why not?

Yes, chance to see end some time bonding taken away because you’ll miss her, you are being unreasonable.

What do you mean let him? She's his child as well. Surely if you are married to him and have a child you trust him? Im not sure that adults thinking they have the right to decide whether to let a partner do something is entirely healthy.

Also sorry about your mum, maybe try and take some time for yourself as well.

If you read this, what would you think?

Would you let wife take 18mth old across country to see her family for a few days (3) without you (dad)?

You can't go, it's not like he's preventing you from joining them?

If you stop him taking his own child to see his own mum for just 3 days, that would be insane OP sorry.

Other than missing her, do you have any reservations about his ability to care for his daughter OP?

This is a bit dramatic. It's fine to say you will miss your daughter, but a bit manipulative to say your daughter will be upset (unlikely she will be) so he shouldnt take her away.

No.

no explanation. Just no, and my DH would feel the same if I wanted to do that.

Yes I would’ve loved a weekend alone at that age. I was burnt out

Yes I would’ve loved a weekend alone at that age. I was burnt out

No as in he cant take child away to see family and you also cant take child away to see family?

She’ll be just fine and you say he’s competent, My DH used to take our children to Oman to visit his family regularly on his own, ours are older now and still talk about their time away with their dad and his family. I enjoyed the time to visit my friends/go out/see a show and I’d join them later. Sorry to hear about your mum.

Unless you are breastfeeding, what's the real problem? She might be a little upset at times, but I'm sure her dad can handle it.

If it were in reverse, with a mum taking the child somewhere, it'd probably be interpreted as a non-issue.

She's my first/likely only baby. I suppose I'm very protective and quite anxious. Its a long drive (4hrs+) and his driving scares me at times, though I'd like to think he'd be especially careful with her in the car. I'm also worried about attachment. I might be being totally OTT, hence the post!

If it were in reverse, it would seen as controlling, almost abusive behaviour from a dad.

I don't really understand the 'would you let him' situation. If DH is happy to go and the in-laws are lovely then why not? Surely it's a joint decision based on practicality and logistics rather than you giving permission or not.

You'll be stopping your DD from building a relationship with the DGPS which would be a shame.

Interesting point here.

Another who says 'Of course'.

How lovely to have a couple of days to just focus on you and your Mum.
I can see no reason whatsoever to have ANY reservations about this.
You would be extremely selfish to try to stop this special time between your dd and her Dad and Grandparents.

I want to reassure you that constant proximity is not what builds "secure attachment" - it's emotional attunement (at least a good portion of the time - I think it's a much lower percentage than you might think). Plenty of children go without seeing one of their parents for days at a time and still have a good relationship.

My attitudes were very similar to yours when my son was little. Retrospectively, I realise I was suffering majorly from anxiety. It sounds like you might be too.

I would have a word with your husband about his driving though...

How does that work? If you can't BOTH do something, you can't do it at all?

Is it just for overnight stays or does it include day activities too?

If one of you is working and can't take time off, the other one is stuck at home because you can't go with your child/ children?

Well, yes, if the dad was refusing to "let" them go. I suppose I was thinking more of a situation where the mum decides to go somewhere with the baby and the dad doesn't mind, because that is often what happens.