Would you let husband take 18mth old across country to see his family for a few days (3) without you (mum)?

[onyxtulip]

Just that really. I don't like the idea of not seeing my DD for 3 days and worry that she'd be upset also. But he is a competent dad and my inlaws are lovely. I can't go as supporting my own DM with cancer treatment.

IABU - its fine, let him take her
INBU - DD too little to be away from her mama for 72hrs

Thanks!

In the nicest possible way, you're being ridiculous.
Yes you'll miss her but he is an equal parent and there is no reason for him not to take her.

Not a chance. We were still actively breastfeeding at 18 months. It’s not even at the recommended target of at least 2 years yet. It’s far too young for that long of a separation.

"We" were breastfeeding? 😂

The OP hasn’t mentioned breastfeeding though!

I'm not breastfeeding. I think I've scared myself by reading research papers about the detrimental effect of overnight stays in separated parents for children under 3/4. I assume frequent/regular overnights have more of an effect than something occasional like this though!

Exactly. Those are very, VERY different situations. If you are feeling anxious enough to be looking up research on this objectively very innocuous situation, you may benefit from seeking some support. I am guessing this isn't the first time these kinds of feelings have plagued you as a new parent. PANDAS might be a good starting point https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/ . Take care x

Yep, done it, been there. Absolutely loved the peace and quiet and a luxurious bath and painted my toenails for a change, I was only able to have one child, but I wanted her to have quality time and bonding with her dad 😝

Yes, of course I would. DH is perfectly competent and I'd welcome the chance to eat girl dinner instead of modelling good healthy eating.

DH has works away for half the month, every month, and has done since DC1 was 8 weeks old. There's absolutely no damage done to the bond between him and his mini-mes.

I mean this kindly, but a one off or occasional stay away from one primary care giver, in the company of another primary care giver can't undo everything that has gone into establishing your attachment with your daughter over the last 27 months (yes I mean when she was in the womb too). The impact of parental separation is a completely different ball game to this.

Again, this is meant kindly, you sound quite anxious in general and especially about your daughter. This is much more likely to have a detrimental impact on her than a few days a way with her father. Do you think you might need support with this? You've got a lot going on, especially if your own mother is having cancer treatment.

Mine flew to another country with our DD at that age to see his family! And for a week. I missed her terribly but it was good for both of them.

What’s the relevance of marriage?

Why?

Yes I think if an 18 month old were regularly at different houses, with obviously no understanding that there was a plan to go back, or what a week or month would look like, that would be confusing and unsettling. As a one off, there's no problem. I mean little one might find it initially hard to settle, but she'll be fine.

Get family to come to your area?

OP, look at this from a different perspective………you have an accident and have to stay in hospital for several days, DH takes time off to look after DC and he’s not really allowed to bring DC to visit…….isn't it wise to get used to being apart from DC just in case of these situations?

Yes.
My husband did take ours away at that age (and ever since. They are adults now).
The break was nice.

You’re not separated though. I haven’t read any research on that but my husband is a parent too, he was more than capable to cope, very hands on and there was no detrimental affects on our children being away from me for a few nights every couple of months. They were with their dad, their grandparents, aunts/uncles and they had the best time. My eldest was a year when they first went with their dad and my youngest was around 7 months when he went with the others. I could have gone too but took the opportunity for a few days to a week to myself. The children were happy, everyone loved seeing them and spending time with them, their dad was there and they were safe. I don’t think it’s a matter of ‘let him’ take her, he’s her parent too.

You are better off reading about the detrimental effect of parents overly unreasonable and anxious.

I think it’s ok that they go but I can understand you missing her a lot. 18 months is still little and you can’t explain why you’re not there etc. but she’ll be fine and is with her dad. It’s not long enough to affect attachment. Just ask for lots of pictures and try to enjoy some quality time with your mum and hopefully some downtime for yourself too.

Dc and I = we.

Disagree. It’s both their child so they both need to be comfortable with it. I’d let my partner know if I was planning to take our child away for a few nights too and if he had reservations we’d discuss it. I wouldn’t just unilaterally decide that’s what was happening so there is a degree of ‘letting’ involved but I don’t think in the negative way you’re suggesting.

DS had to be left with DH to look after at age 14mths for a week as I was in hospital having DD (had C section and they kept you in for ages back then - DS is nearly 40). DH was more than capable and they always were as thick as thieves. Everyone survived with no lasting trauma.

What is wrong with you ? Your child would be with her Dad not some bloody random. I know these days mothers are seen as Madonnas but i know this is a shock to you but you are not. Your child is 18 months not 18 days and she won't give a stuff.

DH flew over to Canada to see his family with the DT’s when they were that age. I was working so didn’t go but had no concerns about DH looking after his own children

She’ll be fine.
Enjoy the time to focus on you and your mum.

The worst thing that will happen is that he needs to come home early but I doubt even that will happen.