Would you let husband take 18mth old across country to see his family for a few days (3) without you (mum)?

[onyxtulip]

Just that really. I don't like the idea of not seeing my DD for 3 days and worry that she'd be upset also. But he is a competent dad and my inlaws are lovely. I can't go as supporting my own DM with cancer treatment.

IABU - its fine, let him take her
INBU - DD too little to be away from her mama for 72hrs

Thanks!

I’mglad you reached this decision. If you’re mad, so as I! It’s the drive more than anything that would put me off the idea. 4 hours is a long travel time to do solo, let alone while being the driver!

People on mumsnet will have varying views and experiences but it’s your life and your daughter. If you’re not comfortable, don’t do it. I wouldn’t.

That's good to know actually

Yes, and I’d buy in all my favourite snacks, sort out my comfiest PJs/box sets and enjoy the break (in between helping your dm)

I absolutely couldn’t let my 18m go. He’s breastfed aswell and still feeding to sleep at night next to me, so very attached.

Attachment?

Oh come on.

And with the drip feed of scary driving, whats that mean?

It’s a non issue they’ll be gone and have great fun.

Presumably the husband isnt a fly by night realtionship and OP planned a life with him with the view that he is a decent sort and will be a good dad. So she felt secure enough with him to marry him.

Quite relevant.

Can he take her by train if he's worried about driving?

Of course. I wouldn't have had children with someone I didn't trust implicitly to care for them without me and I wouldn't have married someone who didn't trust me to travel alone with our children.

I went back to frequent international travel for work when each of mine were 12 months and by then both my DH and I had taken them on trips to see our families - him to another UK country and me to the US.

It's perfectly normal to miss our children when separated but that doesn't mean they need to miss out. I value my kids' relationships with both of their parents as well as extended family.

Uuumm….yes. In a nutshell. Although I would also question the detrimental impact when separated parents have a healthy and collaborative coparenting relationship!

Yes of course. It’s only 3 days and she’ll be with her DF and DGP.

Can you find something fun to do or even plan some treats for yourself at home?

OP I totally agree that there is nothing wrong with it at all. But also I would have felt exactly the same if it were me. I didn’t have a night away from my eldest until I gave birth to dc2 (at 2.5) and dc2 was probably a similar age - I couldn’t bear the thought that they might miss me and not understand where I was.

For the drive suggest he plans to stop off at services half way for them to have a bit of a comfort break, food, nappy change/toilet and stretch their legs.

4 hours is too long in one stretch IMO but with a break half way perfectly manageable for one person.

My XH (H at the time) took our DS away for 2 weeks when he was 18 months and it was the first time we were separated for even a night - DS was fine! He's now 17 and we have a very good relationship and always did. Our attachment bond never changed.

she will be fine OP. I’m a nurse and regularly don’t see my kids for 2/3 days at a time when I’m day shift (they’re still in bed when I leave and sleeping when I get home) I try to avoid it were possible but it does happen occasionally. We’re still perfectly attached and if anything it’s helped our family. They are equally attached to both me and dad and know that dad is perfectly capable of caring for them. It’s made us very equal parents.

No reason why children can’t have good attachment to both parents. My job involved working in different parts of the world - DH was there to provide sole security and care to them whilst I was away -when I was at home when we parented together.

Nope, DC never stayed away from me until he was in primary school and having a sleepover.

(No grandparents in the picture, so I don’t know if that would change things?)

I wouldn’t (didnt) like it but you don’t really have a good reason to say no

its good for the child to spend a night or two away. Get them used to it for when you need it for a wedding, holiday, school holiday care etc

i never understand this “let him”. He’s got the same rights as you surely?

When my youngest was a baby we lived in England. My DH would take him to the States for sometimes 3.-4 wks to visit family. They had a great time. Once we moved I would bring all of the kids alone to England. I could only imagine what my response would be if my DH said no your not allowed to take them.

I took my 20m old to the UK from Egypt for 6 weeks, to the US when he was 22m. Why wouldn’t you let your toddler go with his dad for a few days? It’s REALLY important that BOTH of you can and do take your child to places without the other parent @onyxtulip

Absolutely encourage your H to do this.

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

No it's not.

Would have killed for it tbh.

We wouldn't have done that with mine at that age. But that's because I was breastfeeding and he absolutely would have been upset. When I went out for a few hours he would ask for me a lot and get upset so it wouldn't be fair. He also wasn't keen on the car so anyone doing a long journey with him solo would find it really tricky.