Page 4 | If you won 10k

Moonface29 · 2026-03-05T19:04:11+00:00

Together 10 years, living together (unmarried but engaged), with 2 children. One of you wins 10k - would you view it as joint money or not? YABU - joint, and you would plan how to spend it together YANBU - It’s the individual’s money, to spend how they please

CloudsAreFluffy · 05/03/2026 22:50

I think he is being really selfish. I would reconsider if I wanted to marry such a selfish person and consider what he thinks of me. He didnt even want to spend it on the kids. That is unforgivable.

If i won £10,000 i would have say, £1000 fun money then spend the rest probably on DD going to uni so joint spend or if something needed replacing in the house like boiler, roof...

Relaxd · 05/03/2026 23:04

If it arise from something self funded that the other didn’t want to fund from joint money (lotto, bonds etc) then it’s one persons not joint winnings. Most decent people, would treat the other (holiday, luxury item etc) but it doesn’t have to mean 50/50. We have our own premium bond accounts, I accept we have equal chances to win but they aren’t a pooled pot they are funded separately. That said we both have similar financial status and I may feel different as a SAHM. I feel the same way about inheritance, it belongs to the person it was gifted to.

Minjou · 05/03/2026 23:08

Moonface29 · 05/03/2026 20:41

Thank you for your views everyone.
I am just feeling so sidelined. I thought it would be our chance to get married (been engaged 3 years), but no. He booked a holiday with his friends without telling me.
We had also planned a once in a lifetime trip in August (won’t say what, as would be outing). Booked annual leave, told our eldest we were going…only for him to then say we can’t afford it (after winning the money).
Apparently this is all justifiable in his eyes (and his parents, it transpires).
We pay the same percentage of our salaries into the house/bills (though he earns more).

You have much bigger problems than the 10k.

He really doesn't care about you very much.

To answer your original question, it would be joint money, but my DH would probably insist I use some of it for something for myself.

Cornishclio · 05/03/2026 23:38

In our house it would be joint money. I would use some of it for starting up savings for the children and maybe a family holiday.

Wiresring · 05/03/2026 23:40

It woukd depends how the rest of your money is managed. When I was married with DC, it would definitely have been family money.

Now I have a long term DP, who I don't live with, it would be his/mine, but I expect we'd still discuss how best to enjoy it together.

notacooldad · 05/03/2026 23:44

I would but Dh would say it was mine.
If dh won he would share it with me and ds1 and 2.
How do I know for sure?
Because a few years ago he got a bonus of 30k. He said thats 10 k each, 10 for me and 10 each for the boys. When I asked him what about him, dh said he has everything he needs.
My mum gifts me, ds's , my siblings 5k every few years and dh tells me to go and enjoy it.

Personally I think he should treat himself more.

JetFlight · 05/03/2026 23:54

Is he paying for his friends? That’s really shitty that he doesn’t prioritise his own family. Tell him to get lost and move in with his friends.

Morepositivemum · 05/03/2026 23:57

A huge sign to the demise of our relationship was ‘my’used on both of our sides. ‘Ours’ should be default

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 05/03/2026 23:59

I think it would depend how it was won.and if there are related gambling debts

Starseeking · 06/03/2026 03:31

Moonface29 · 05/03/2026 20:41

Thank you for your views everyone.
I am just feeling so sidelined. I thought it would be our chance to get married (been engaged 3 years), but no. He booked a holiday with his friends without telling me.
We had also planned a once in a lifetime trip in August (won’t say what, as would be outing). Booked annual leave, told our eldest we were going…only for him to then say we can’t afford it (after winning the money).
Apparently this is all justifiable in his eyes (and his parents, it transpires).
We pay the same percentage of our salaries into the house/bills (though he earns more).

Sorry OP, but this man doesn’t want to marry you. He’s not even attempting to show that he cares about you with him prioritising taking his friends on holiday instead of his lovely family.

I’d be quietly building my finances to leave this situation, as he will only get worse and each of these slights will erode your self-esteem just that little bit more.

Moonnstarz · 06/03/2026 07:40

Moonface29 · 05/03/2026 20:41

Thank you for your views everyone.
I am just feeling so sidelined. I thought it would be our chance to get married (been engaged 3 years), but no. He booked a holiday with his friends without telling me.
We had also planned a once in a lifetime trip in August (won’t say what, as would be outing). Booked annual leave, told our eldest we were going…only for him to then say we can’t afford it (after winning the money).
Apparently this is all justifiable in his eyes (and his parents, it transpires).
We pay the same percentage of our salaries into the house/bills (though he earns more).

Ignoring his win, how did you plan to finance the once in a lifetime trip? Considering you booked leave and told your child you were going and you didn't know your partner was going to win 10k presumably you had a plan to pay for this trip. Surely when you agreed to do it you must have suggested how you were going to pay for it? So I can see this is a different issue completely as it was irrelevant to the win.

I do think the fact that he wants to go on a lads holiday says it all though and that along with not wanting to get married suggests he isn't that into you and wanting a relationship.

JustSittinHereChillin · 06/03/2026 07:53

Depends where the funds came from to buy the ticket... If joint funds bought the ticket, the winnings are joint. If personal funds bought the ticket, the winnings belong to the buyer.

Londonrach1 · 06/03/2026 07:55

It be joint here. However you not married so you can go either joint or individual and there's no right or wrong.

Londonrach1 · 06/03/2026 07:57

Read your update. You need to get your finances in order and leave. He priorited his friends over you. He not going to marry you

HoskinsChoice · 06/03/2026 07:58

NotMajorTom · 05/03/2026 19:06

If you’re a man it’s joint money. If you’re a woman it’s yours

🤣 Correct! (According to mumsnet laws).

MyBadday · 06/03/2026 07:59

Londonrach1 · 06/03/2026 07:57

Read your update. You need to get your finances in order and leave. He priorited his friends over you. He not going to marry you

This! The 10k is a red herring. His selfish attitude speaks to a bigger problem.

Original poster

Moonface29 · 06/03/2026 08:03

Moonnstarz · 06/03/2026 07:40

Ignoring his win, how did you plan to finance the once in a lifetime trip? Considering you booked leave and told your child you were going and you didn't know your partner was going to win 10k presumably you had a plan to pay for this trip. Surely when you agreed to do it you must have suggested how you were going to pay for it? So I can see this is a different issue completely as it was irrelevant to the win.

I do think the fact that he wants to go on a lads holiday says it all though and that along with not wanting to get married suggests he isn't that into you and wanting a relationship.

Show quote history

We both have savings that would have paid for it.
He isn’t paying for his friends (that I am aware of). It was more that he booked that (behind my back) and then said we couldn’t afford ours. I think he should have prioritised ours first.

OP posts:

Moonnstarz · 06/03/2026 08:04

Moonface29 · 06/03/2026 08:03

We both have savings that would have paid for it.
He isn’t paying for his friends (that I am aware of). It was more that he booked that (behind my back) and then said we couldn’t afford ours. I think he should have prioritised ours first.

Show quote history

So have you spoken to him about why he cannot afford the family holiday? If he was going to use savings for the family holiday and then seeing the win as a bonus and going on a lads holiday then I would see that as acceptable.

FindingMeno · 06/03/2026 08:06

If I got my mitts on 10k I wouldn't even tell anyone.
I'd put it in an emergency fund.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 06/03/2026 08:09

Hmmmm interesting

I won 5 k last year and I was up for doing something as a family - but we have really little kids and we do loads of family hols already - my friend was going to New York for a week and my husband told me to just go do that with her for myself - was amazing

but we had nothing needing doing in the house and we’d only been on a big family holiday a few months before so the money and the bathroom had been done a few months before so we weren’t stuck for cash at the time

otherwise I likely wouldn’t have went

livingthenotebook · 06/03/2026 08:10

together nearly 15 years, not married, split bills 50/50, if I won £10k I would keep it, but then I would probably spend it on home improvements and a holiday for us anyway.

He did win some money once, only £1k, he used it towards the double glazing

Memoriesbeingmade · 06/03/2026 08:11

This actually happened to me a few years ago. I am married with children. I decided to split it equally four ways, with the teenage children's portions put in their accounts that they cannot access until the age of 18. Both my husband and I treated ourselves to things we wanted and also paid off our small credit card balances off.

Geneticsbunny · 06/03/2026 08:13

I think if you aren't married then it would be individual rather than shared money. The fact he doesn't want to share fits with this total lack of commitment not just to you but also to your children. I would give him a get married or I am leaving ultimatum.

coolcahuna · 06/03/2026 08:13

Interesting. I wouldn't necessarily expect it to be joint but would hope some of it would pay for a joint holiday or similar joint plan.

cherrymauve · 06/03/2026 08:16

Joint money and we’d go on a SilverSea cruise.