If you won 10k

[Moonface29]

Together 10 years, living together (unmarried but engaged), with 2 children.
One of you wins 10k - would you view it as joint money or not?
YABU - joint, and you would plan how to spend it together
YANBU - It’s the individual’s money, to spend how they please

He's right, technically and legally it would be his even if you were married. The person that wins money owns the money, married or not. What he chooses to do with it and how he treats it is something else. If won £10k I would consider that I have the final choice on how that money is used. E.g. I might pay down the mortgage, pay off my own debt, buy a family holiday, give it all to charity, buy an expensive handbag, put it in the kids savings account...or I could let my partner decide or we jointly decide. Lots of options that depends on how you want to manage your finances either as an individual or a couple.

Yes it’s joint.

Yes I realise I may have worded my OP incorrectly. It is more about how you would view it/spend it.

I won 10k a few years ago. We redid the upstairs bathroom because it was needed. If I won again I’d definitely set aside £1k for a bit of a splurge

Joint money…. Don’t understand why anyone would think differently

Varies would one of you squander it whilst the other wouldn't....

If I didn't trust my partner to spend it wisely and appreciate it then I would probably withhold a lot of it and say I won 1k

And yes I would always have a safe pot for an exit strategy if needed. Too many people become trapped.

I think it only matters if you have very different approaches to money. I'd be happy if DP won 10k and put it in his pension, or spent some on replacing the boiler. Not so much if he spent it on taking his friends on a golfing holiday.

In our case (we’re not married but also together 10 years, one child) I can’t imagine DP keeping it totally for himself. It would go towards something for our family, savings or a holiday - thought maybe a bigger purchase for himself if we could afford it which I wouldn’t begrudge.

Legally it's not joint money but if you consider your relationship a true partnership then I would say it is and you should jointly decide how to use it.

If someone does want to share then it's not really a partnership and I wouldn't want to be with them, let alone marry them.

Joint.

It would be joint money but my husband would spend it before we had it so I'd be in charge 😂😂

Funny you should say that…..

This is exactly what we would do

We've been together 20 years, one child, not married (and don't intend to be unless necessary for tax reasons). Joint account for household and bills but salaries go into our own accounts.

We would absolutely use the money for a joint expense - probably a new bathroom, as ours needs doing. Maybe put it on the mortgage as we're renewing this year. I think it would be up to the one who won to have the final say, but neither of us would claim all or half.

As soon as we had kids, our money has been joint. I couldn’t imagine winning money and not considering my DH and I to have equal say on what happens to it.

So guessing he wants to spend it on a lads jolly. He’s tell you who he is and where you come in his priority’s. Take some time to think through your options, it’s not just about the money

I'd say £1000 for the person who won it to spend on themself, on their hobby, clothes, sport, whatever and the rest to benefit the family as a whole - a holiday, or a new car or home improvements.........

If he is unwilling to marry you and perfectly willing to spend £10k on himself when you have children, that would be the end of the relationship for me. I couldn’t respect him.

I've been lucky to be in a similar situation with a cash gift, we split it - I bought a new bike, husband treated himself to something nice and then we gave our daughter some cash too.

Errrrrm, I did win 10k, five years married, I'd just found out I was pregnant right after I quit my job to go SE.

We just reinvested it and considered it an exciting ease of circumstances given that I wasn't getting SMP.

But if I'd wanted to keep it all, husband wouldn't have batted an eyelid. I recently got a windfall from my parents and spent about £1000 on upgrades to the house furnishings as a surprise. My husband admitted that he would have been royal PITA choosing what he liked and he wouldn't have picked the rug but really likes it etc.

I love the idea of getting £10k for a marrow 😂

Technically it does belong to the person who won it, but if I won it I would share it with my partner and make sure we did something fun and something sensible with it; if he won it, I am sure he'd mostly do the same. I'd have a pretty dim view of selfishness on either side if we were ten years in and engaged!

In our household, we both pay the same amount in to cover bills, but the rest of our salaries are ours.

If I won £10k, I’d probably pay off my car finance with half of it, and spend the other half on a family holiday. Whereas DP would probably pay into his pension, or upgrade his car.

Neither of us would bat an eyelid at any of those outcomes.

Don’t be ridiculous. Perhaps if so many men weren’t financially abusive then so many women wouldn’t be so guarded.

@Moonface29I would say if your finances are already joint and equitable, then it’s joint, if not, then it requires a conversation.

I am of the belief that marriage or children mean that you are a family and decisions should be made for the good of the family.

Personally if I won £10k and didn’t have a house it would be part of the deposit, if I had a house I would probably use it to pay down the mortgage and have a small wedding at a registry office.

However if he is planning on using it as a lads holiday with 2 kids then I would be questioning his commitment to the family unit. Both of you should be thinking what is best for the family and if he is acting like a single man, I would be thinking how am I protected in the event of a split and what do I have to do to protect myself and rage dc