NAMALT. Really? Dig deep and be honest with yourself. AMALT

[NoEggs]

I love my DH. He’s a great guy and we’ve been happy for many years.

But
He’s not perfect. Doesn’t do the laundry. Defaults to letting me make stuff happen etc. etc.

Now even if your partner is a paragon I would argue that the species ‘men’ will generally default to slightly bloody useless.

AIBU?

In my experience, men can choose what they do, but women will feel driven to do things because they need doing. Men don't need to brush their kids teeth, take the rubbish out, clear up the crumbs on the bench because those things aren't important and someone else will do them or they'll just remain undone. I think it's laziness, lack of attention to detail and not seeing the need to take responsibility. I don't know whether it's social conditioning or whether they're just lazy. I see endless entitlement too.

What do NAMALT and AMALT mean?

Not all men are like that
all men are like that

I lived with a bloke who was great round the house but still selfish.
Can't be bothered with any of them anymore.
If my ex put as much effort into more appropriate activities rather than being a dick the world would be a better place.

If you just mean all men are a bit flawed, well yes they are. I’m not perfect myself. Are you?

I tend to think of NAMALT referring to violent or perverted behaviours. My partner does have his flaws, but nothing like that. And he does the laundry.

Well, we had our chimney collapse the other week due to storm damage. I literally was like, uh, nope, do not know how to deal with that. Dh had to sort out the builders and is now project managing about 6 months worth of building work and because I’m out of work due to illness, he’s had to rustle up the money to pay for it all. Similarly, we had a pipe burst today and I was also like, nope, no idea how to find a burst water pipe (outside, under the ground) and also don’t know how to operate a mini digger to dig it up, and I pretty much ran and hid and left him to deal with it. 😂

I think it’s all well and good being like, men don’t do the washing! I mean, Dh would have no idea how to book dc’s school lunches or how to pay for their clubs if I dropped dead tomorrow. But I don’t know how to fix a burst pipe or how to deal with a collapsing cob wall or how to re-grade the drive so that it doesn’t flood every time it rains. I have no desire to learn any of those things either and I totally disappear and leave Dh to sort them out because I can’t be asked with the stress. I don’t think either makes one of us more useless than the other. It’s why we make a good team.

I am absolutely not perfect but I do genuinely feel I and my female friends are a bit more ‘perfect’ than our male counterparts.

I may have misused NAMALT. I thought it was in response to all levels of male incompetence and much worse.

You really can’t generalise like that.. it depends on the person

I wouldn't say my husband is any more flawed than me, no. We are probably flawed in different ways and we both take on different responsibilities and mental loads. I certainly don't consider myself more perfect than him

I'm not one to start claiming namalt to shut women up though.

It's a meaningless question unless you define what the 'T' in 'AMALT' is referring to. I think that usually when 'NAMALT' is used on here, it means not all men are abusive, misogynist scumbags, not 'not all men fail to do the laundry'.

It's not often walls collapse or pipes burst though.

Feminism has led us down this path of thinking that women are superior to men and it's simply not true. None of us are perfect.

You sound like you either have a very limited life experience or lack critical thinking OP. So applying your logic, all women are like that...

My DH isn’t perfect but he does all the cooking and associated planning, does all the ironing, sorts washing, does the majority of kids activities, blah blah. He also sends me funny posts on insta he knows I like.

He doesn’t do cleaning but as I weirdly enjoy it and am quite particular about it that’s not exactly a problem.

Is he flawed? Yes. Am I flawed? Absolutely.

He’s not perfect.

I hate to break it to you, but neither are you.

Exactly. I’m sure (I know) I have annoying habits. No one is perfect.

I always thought NAMALT was used in the context of things like sexual assault and perviness. And yeah, not all men are like that, but way more than men would like to admit.

But things like laundry and stuff? Yabu. Lots of men get on well with that kind of thing. Many men and boys are fastidious about keeping things tidy, having routines etc. I can think of several of my male friends and family members. My uncle for example - you must never use one of his drying-plates teatowels for drying your hands (they are colour coded). My BIL too.

But that’s my (fairly clumsily made I’ll admit) point. In this case you can.

My DH isn’t perfect and neither am I. Our strengths compliment each other and we play to those strengths. He’s no more lazy, incompetent or clueless than I am.

Not perfect. Closer to it though.

Having said that, in my limited circle I've found it's the single men, or men who were single for a long time, who are better at housework though as there's no one else to do it and they like a tidy flat. I've got two single men friends and their flats could be showrooms. Ditto my uncle and BIL who were bachelors for ages.

I actually don't know many untidy lazy men.

Sorry op. You just have a lazy DH

Of course you do, because you all get together and talk about your men's shortcomings.

You're not present when the men are talking to see what your shortcomings might be.

What?! No it hasn't! It's about equal rights and opportunities for women, not about women being superior.

I think I am more useless around the house than my DH is. We both work FT. I don’t do any laundry or cooking at all, ever. I handle all the bills and DD’s nursery arrangements / club stuff, I research holidays, kids events and come up with nice things for us all to do on weekends - but I have time to do that because he’s literally doing all the cooking, all the laundry, and 50% of the cleaning. Saying that, we are going on a mini break next week that DH booked and he did book a surprise holiday for my 40th that I had literally no idea about at all so if I suddenly stopped sorting out the fun stuff I don’t think we’d be sat at home doing SFA.

Both of us are equally shit at DIY 😂

I'm single because most of the men I meet seem to be lazy & useless, but I have one friend who is a great dad, grandad, a decent man. He looked after his dcs when his wife walked out, downgraded his career so he could be there when needed.

He responded in the same way most women respond when abandoned by their partners.
So decent men do exist, they are just very rare.

YABU.

It's a shame for you if you married someone that turned out to be a bit of a loser...but not all of us did sorry.

Misery loves company and whilst i'm sure it's comforting to tell yourself that AMALT, it's simply not true.