Would you be hurt by this?

[ScottishHaggis85]

A close friends young daughter said something strange to me near Xmas.
She heard us talking at a dinner table about saying goodbye to people after they pass & seeing them & i said going into see my Father was so hard & hurt me so much . She then commented to me “Not another sob story is it (with my name)??
I was shocked as shes under 10 but I said to her well it’s a horrible thing to see you’ll understand one day. & she just went away.
Tried to speak to friend about it she said shes too young to understand what she said & theres no point speaking to her about it now it’s done 🤨

I would suggest your friend is embarrassed as the child must have overheard her talking about you and sob stories

i had similar with an ex friends daughter who,when I was discussing my disabled nephew, said it would have been better if he had died! She was about 10.

she turned into a very nasty adult and very manipulative and ended up the wrong side of the law

That’s what I thought. And now I don’t know whether to trust the friend as why would she be saying sob story about me…
Isnt it shocking when kids get away with speaking like that thats disgusting saying that about your nephew!!

Children say all sorts of things they have no understanding of.

Of course you're hurt and upset, and your feelings are valid.
As to speaking to the child, it's months away from Christmas now, so if it wasn't dealt with at the time, they don't have the memory and capacity yet to be reflecting back on what to her was a throwaway comment months ago, whose impact she wouldn't have realised.

Feel the feelings, let them go, move on for your own peace.

I could be completely wrong but children can dub their parents in it sometimes and I would say perhaps your friend said you have a lot of sob stories and her daughter has made the commenting because she’s overheard her mum talk about you and doesn’t actually realise what it means

Thanks I tried speaking to said friend in the home about it about 2 weeks later after it happened but she said there was no point speaking to her about it
i can’t stop wondering where shes heard that to say that to me x

You’ll probably not get the truth out and if you’re only asking your friend now 3 months later then the child’s most likely forgot and you won’t get a real answer

That’s what si immediately thought and the friend said she doesn’t use that phrase and her dad mustve said it round her :/

Either she is copying exactly what she has heard from her mum (with tone and intonation), or she doesn’t understand what “sob story” means and thinks it just means “sad thing” and therefore had no intent.

I asked about 2 weeks after it happened. Just posting here now as its still in my mind

The child might have heard that anywhere and not even particularly in the context of you. A grandparent maybe? It's the kind of phrase my MIL would use!

You know your friend more than us, does she seem there for you often? Is she a good friend? Maybe child has heard it said by someone else and it’s not about you. I definitely wouldn’t lose a friendship over it, just be wary of who you tell things to x

I get you but she knows what it means in the context of me looking sad talking about it something sad and she knew all about my father passing… never thought of that maybe something someone older would say yeah

Sorry what do you mean be wary? This is someone who’s meant to be a best friend yeah so I wouldn’t be able to avoid talking about close things really
they were a close friend but this has made me think otherwise plus being let down with other things that were important to me x

Your friend is obviously bitching about you. Children mimic their parents.

I would have assumed the child had heard her parent or grandparent talk about you and referenced you and “another sob story “

Have you had a run of tough experiences?

Thats what I thought :/ which is horrible

Sorry, but I think your friend or her partner has used that phrase about you.

It would make me question what she is saying about me and would also make me think twice about what I said to her in future.

My nephew mortified my sister one day. They went round to see a friend of hers, and my nephew apparently looked round carefully then said "it's not that messy mum". My sister had obviously commented on how untidy the friend was and my nephew had overheard her.

I would say we not have and she talks about her terrible childhood etc as well in front of them

Dinner table discussion about going to see dead bodies and how upsetting it is, wouldn't have a discussion like that in front of a 10 year old.

Then, to quote you "I was shocked as shes under 10 but I said to her well it’s a horrible thing to see you’ll understand one day. & she just went away"

If someone I knew spoke to my daughter like that it would be the last time I saw her.

Oh but it’s okay for an 8 year old to laugh and say not Another sob story is it? Okay

Also thats kinda upto the parent… not me. Their very open

This, you actually said that to a child? To point score?!
that’s horrendous

What stated the obvious that seeing someone dead isnt nice? They’ve heard a lot worse and they know what their saying

Well you’re (apparently) an adult, she’s 8.

you are coming across as precious, attention seeking and dramatic! “How dare people think i tell sob stories!!” And then are vicious about a child!

I have a 10 year old girl. I find they can be very 'sassy' and at school the girls really do influence each other and there can be some nastiness and one upmanship so it could be something shes heard in her peer group too and not neccessarily the parents