To want to retire aged 46?

[imprincesspearl]

I’m not going to before anybody comes at me … but jeez, the thought of another fourteen years working does depress me a bit.

I am a teacher (secondary) and I think I’ve just been doing it for far too long (started in 2002) - I’ve lost motivation and interest. I can’t even really look at different schools as they are all much of a muchness.

I honestly would retire tomorrow if it was possible.

Fucks sake it’s not like you got tooth X-rays for vanity purposes, what a bell end.

Solidarity to you, I have been part time since my first DC and the days I had both kids when they were toddlers were soooo bloody hard. I promise it gets so much easier the older they get.

but also I’m 49 and think about retirement daily!! I’m tired of it!

My husband retired at 49 after 30 years in the RAF on an immediate pension. Got so bored after just 3 months and went back to work doing the same but as a civilian. He absolutely hated being retired.

It’s because you have young children. You will have time to ‘peruse your interests’ during your off time in a few years. Right now you have 2 jobs. And it’s 24/7.

Time will sort this problem out and show you new opportunities when you are not so exhausted.

It won’t always be this way. Good luck.

I'm in my 40s but my kids are teenagers which means they are easier in many ways even though they still need me emotionally. I'm bored at work and have recently started HRT too. When my kids were very small and I was bored at work (different job) but felt I couldn't risk moving I made sure I had a couple of outside interests that were just for me that kept me sane. In my case it was yoga and occasional volunteering in a non-child, non-work related field. Both were outside the house.
If you are not enjoying being part time is increasing your hours an option?

I can't think of anything worse than stopping work and hanging around at home all day*. I guess I could find a volunteer role and I do sometimes see things like cycle clubs who go out on weekdays and think lucky people who don't have to work for a living but I actually like my job.

*I actually work from home most of the time but I have a purpose.

Change careers op! I was a teacher for 12 years and couldn’t do any more than that (stopped at 37) . Over time I got myself into corporate L&D - I absolutely love it. Still get to be involved in the design and delivery of learning, but do other things too and work hybrid - 2 days in office (sometimes 3) and the rest at home. I can see myself doing this easily for another 25 years (I’m 40 now)

If you find teaching stressful then social work will send you over the edge. I can totally relate to wanting to retire, I've been feeling like this since mid 30s.

Retiring does not mean hanging around the house all day. My DM retired and now has a very full schedule volunteering in 3 different roles, meeting with friends and travelling. She has my dream life, it's a pity I have to wait another two decades!

I don’t find teaching stressful, thanks though.

Thanks @3luckystars . Your ‘you have two jobs’ resonated.

I’ve just turned 38. Me and my OH (40) have sat down and made our plans so we can retire when he’s 55. Lots of hard work and grit and determination between now and then but life is too bloody short!

This is me too but 54, hoping to finish at 60. But could finish tomorrow if given the chance. I’m also civil service, generally low stress and I work with nice people but wish I could do something different for a few years.

I sympathise, I’m a teacher and felt so tired when I had 3 young children and husband working away a lot. I was part time too.

When your youngest starts school, stay part time and that will be a huge game changer. I’m 41 and this year our youngest has started school. Having a couple of 6 hour days to yourself to go to gym, meet a friend etc. Being able to get jobs done (both school and home) when you’re not meant to be asleep is amazing. (I found I was always on my laptop late at night until this year). Do not underestimate how much this will change your life and enable you to recharge!

Is there anyway your youngest could do an extra day at nursery every now and then so you can have the odd day to relax or catch up on life in the meantime?

I have also changed jobs to a blend of online teaching related work and supply. LOVE the blend of working from home and being in schools. Plus as you actually get paid for every hour you do this way I am earning a lot more than I used to in my previous part time role. So as a family we’re feeling the benefits financially too.

I may look to career change in a few years when I have more energy. Although actually really happy with what I’m doing now so could be long term. Slowly getting there now I get more sleep and some time to myself!! You’ll have the headspace to think and make a plan when your youngest is at school if you stay part time whilst you recover and plan your future.

Good luck xx

@1ladybird the frustrating thing is that I’ll stay part time but I’ll be starting late and finishing early (effectively working 10-215.) So I’ll have the downside of part time work but not the tangible benefit! Still … hoping it will get a bit easier!

I don’t enjoy being with my kids (plural).

Your own kids or those in class?

If it is your own then that is deeply sad for everyone.

I go back to my post where I ask if you are depressed rather than simply dissatisfied. It is important to think about whether you actually need some help here to reactivate your ability to find joy in your life.

Ah that’s annoying. Can you change jobs to one where you’re in school 3 full days instead of every day maybe? As kids get older and they’re not as tired out by a longer day? Would your current school allow this? I think you’d feel the part time benefit more then. Otherwise you’re still dashing around every day and basically working full time by time you add school life admin and planning in evenings. Especially with husband away so much.

I’d recommend giving your local county council a call. Find out which providers they use for their children with medical needs who learn from home. That’s what I do and the charity I work for is fully remote. I love it. Self employment but paid at supply rate (£35ish ph) so if you do 20 hours you actually get paid for 20 hours and it’s not as tiring as being in school. This will sound silly to be excited by this to non teachers who might not realise school teachers contracts are for 6.5 hours a day!! (Normal to work 12 for 6.5 hours pay!!)

Then I do supply too to keep my hand in as I think I’ll go back to a 2 day teaching role alongside this online one in future. As I do like working with kids face to face. It’s just too tiring for me with my own at the moment - which I appreciate is possibly different to what you want/ where you are.

I know you said you want to retire/ leave teaching but some tweaks like this can make life more balanced and enjoyable whilst you make a longer term plan. Good luck xx

@Mischance whatever. You’ve been on this thread from the start attacking me and my feelings.

So first I have the temerity to express a passing interest in a different career. Then how dare I complain when I’m part time, even though my days off are caring for a toddler so not ‘days off’ as such. Then when I admit that my children together are hard work that’s ’deeply sad.’ Really, just give over.

My children are five and two. Yes, I made the wrong judgement call in having a second. I desperately wanted a second; DH had misgivings but was happy to go along with it. I discovered very soon after having a second baby that while the love increases the time, the money, the patience doesn’t. I am constantly pulled every which way, ny eldest does miss out and generally I know in my heart of hearts I’d be a better parent to one.

How do I know … because when I’m with just DD and just DS I enjoy parenting. It’s when I’m with them both it’s overwhelming and too much. DD will have a tantrum and be screaming her head off and ds will stand there going mummy … mummy … mummy. Or every time ds so much as touches a toy dd starts screaming and trying to take it off him. She doesn’t ever do this to other children; it’s just ds. And since this is MN and it’s fairly predictable I’ll get ‘don’t let her … boundaries … consequences’ I DON’T let her, if she keeps screaming and trying to take it off him she has a time out for two minutes and then comes out … and promptly starts screaming and trying to mug ds for the toy or whatever it is until he gives up. It’s been going on for nearly a year now with no real signs of abating. It’s not even toys, it’s literally anything, there was a fight over a fucking envelope a few days ago.

That all sounds really bleak and so I just need to reiterate that I do enjoy them one at a time. Without ds, dd is generally quite mild mannered and the worst I’ve had from her at toddler groups is a squawk if another child takes a toy from her. Without DD, I actually get to talk to ds. Ds has a stammer .. it isn’t a bill denborough style one (iykyk) he gets fixated on a phrase and repeats it endlessly - so for instance he might be trying to tell me ‘mummy George pushed me over today.’ What he actually says is ‘mummy … mummy … mummy … George, mummy, George, George, George, George, George … mummy George …’ meanwhile DD is trying to drag me somewhere else and my hair is growing as ds tries to tell me George pushed him.

Their behaviour together isn’t great as they wind one another up and work each other into a frenzy. Again fine alone; I don’t think it’s my parenting or maybe it is.

I am in quite a unique position in that all the ‘mum friends’ I had from when ds was born are firmly one and done so I’m in a very isolated position in some ways as I’m still immersed deep in toddler land while their lives have moved on.

And being part time can be a shit deal. For example, I’m 0.6; I’m paid for three days a week, I teach two year 11 classes so I have approximately three hundred and twenty five mock exam papers to mark 😩 that’s two English language papers, two English lit papers so four exam papers per student, around fifty five kids; I haven’t done the exact maths. That doesn’t feel like part time work because it isn’t. It’s problematic with deadlines - last week we had a deadline for Wednesday; I don’t work Tuesdays and Wednesdays so I had to do it Monday.

I know all that sounds really negative and I’m not actually wanting or meaning it to. Part of it was reacting to the ‘how sad’ comment because when you’re wrung out and fed up but you’re still doing your absolute best and someone replies like that it is infuriating. I don’t want to be full time; I’m just explaining part time has drawbacks - money is the obvious one but for a lot of part time jobs while your actual hours are reduced a lot of the admin type roles aren’t so your pay decreases but not your workload.

Sorry @1ladybird , it’s for childcare reasons. I could have full days if I wanted them but then there’s no one to do drop off and pick up.

You’ve been on this thread from the start attacking me and my feelings.

That simply is not the case. I have suggested practical ways of retraining whilst still working with a family which worked for me in the hope that they might work for you too. I needed out and found a way of doing it and thought that it was worth your consideration.

Based on your initial post I suggested that social work is not the best option from my own personal experience and was told that this was just a passing idea from you and you did not need this well-meant advice.

I have expressed concern and empathy for your current emotional state and suggested that a trip to the GP might be helpful.

I am sorry for the way you are feeling at present, but also feel that your defensive response to helpful ideas reflects the need for you to get some support with your current emotional state. Being depressed is not a crime, nor is suggesting that this is maybe where you are at the moment an "attack" on you or your feelings.

Please seek some help. Your strong feelings about your role with your children is not where you want to be I know. Recognising that you are showing signs of depression (low mood, irritability, poor sleep, negativity) and seeking help to make your life easier is a positive thing.

I hope you can find the help that you need.

please seek some help sure, I’ll pop into the pharmacy tomorrow and ask for some over the counter ‘help’

I don’t need ‘help’. The thread had concluded, someone answered which obviously up it came and back you came again. As you can see I didn’t massively appreciate it.

I have no idea why you think I need ‘help’ because - ?

1. two children are a lot of work and
2. my job is not enjoyable after nearly quarter of a century

yep, need sectioning right away I do.

You sound exactly where I was for best part of a decade. A system that works for everyone else (husband and kids) but not for you.

When they’re both at school can you not use breakfast and after school club? There’s plenty of childcare most areas to be able to work different hours to 10-2:30 if you want it.

Then when they’re both at school if you do 3 full days you get 2 blocks of 6 hours to do life/ you/ school work etc. For me in primary all teachers do full days if part time . Appreciate secondary timetable is different. Trust me this will fix you/ heal you ALOT!!

Ours BASC means they can be at school 7:30-6 if needs be. Mine would do 7:45-5:45 ish but not every day as part time. Sounds a long day for them to do but it’s ok if not all the time. (I also accept that’s privileged as lots of kids to that 5 days a week). Don’t feel too bad for your kiddies/ guilt. Will then mean they have a recharged mum so you can enjoy the holidays together more as the kids get easier and older.

The WFH option I do now is great as I can do 6 hours whilst they’re at school. I do 20 across the week. If I do supply I then do my WFH job evenings but it’s just short stints here and there so ok. So mine only do BASC if I’m on supply and none if I’m just on a WFH stint.

I think you’re going to have to make a change for it to work for you somehow. Either longer days and child care or change to WFH role.

Honestly I’ve been there and I’m only 1 year into the change and I’m so much happier for it. Benefits us all. There are options even though it feels like a big leap. I felt stuck for long time too until I accepted I HAD to make a change. I used to say I can’t too. Too tired to see the wood for the trees. There are options. I hope you find one that works for you. xxx

system that works for everyone else (husband and kids) but not for you

Good summary it’s nice when people get it.

Childcare isn’t the best. The after school clubs are only until quarter past four and breakfast club only starts at 8; I wouldn’t merit in time. I’m hoping things will get easier. Sorry for ranting on; I’m in a stress with these mocks and it feels like I haven’t slept since 2023 so people saying ‘oh you had it so easy’ grates a bit.

Wow that’s crazy your BASC only offers that! Useless, generally speaking whose jobs are 8-4:15? Hopefully that will improve with government drive to provide more wrap around care.

If you have the energy I’d seriously consider looking at WFH jobs, linked to education, where you can still get similar salary whilst you think what to do more long term.

Another ex colleague of mine got an EHCP coordinator role for example if you don’t want tutoring type roles. She is largely working from home. Some school visits but control over diary. Works 37.5 hour to the dot and gets same salary as full time teacher near enough. Decent hols as job quieter when school closed so just WFH school hols and decent annual leave.

Good luck xx