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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to retire aged 46?

222 replies

imprincesspearl · 04/03/2026 14:09

I’m not going to before anybody comes at me … but jeez, the thought of another fourteen years working does depress me a bit.

I am a teacher (secondary) and I think I’ve just been doing it for far too long (started in 2002) - I’ve lost motivation and interest. I can’t even really look at different schools as they are all much of a muchness.

I honestly would retire tomorrow if it was possible.

OP posts:
PillowOfTheCommunity · 05/03/2026 13:29

@imprincesspearl Have you looked at FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early) blogs or podcasts or books? They won't make it so you can retire next year. But there's lots to learn. I find the FIRE people have a very good attitude towards work so even if you can't retire, they do help put it in perspective.

Caveat: I'm biased, I'm converted, I'm retiring at 48.

MiddleAgedDread · 05/03/2026 13:31

BishyBarnyBee · 05/03/2026 13:28

I think this thread is irritating me a little because it's so patently ridiculous to think that retiring at 46 could ever be a reasonable expectation. That would leave you with probably 40 years of retirement. Not many of us could afford that, most people would struggle to fill that much down time, it would be really unreasonable to think you could sit on your butt for 40 years while everyone else works to supply you with the services you and your children need to survive.

You could have said you want to be a SAHM, or you want to leave teaching and that would make sense.

Lots of people are a bit envious when other people retire. But the whole thing about retiring in your 60s is your body is starting to age, you have less energy and frankly, you are closer to death. So being jealous of people who are retired is daft. They had to work until their 60s to earn that retirement.

So your post should be - I hate teaching and I don't particularly enjoy being at home with my kids. And that is a slightly different conversation and you might get different answers.

But to be honest, you are so resistant to any feedback anyone has offered you, you sound determined to stay stuck where you are. In which case, you might have to start working to find some positives in your situation. You aren't teaching full time, you aren't on benefits, you are competent at your job. There are worse work problems than boredom. Your situation definitely could be worse. The stage when your kids are young is relentless for all of us. It does get easier. You will not feel like this for ever, honest!

oh trust me I could fill the "down time" - I could actually be more active than when I'm at work and my parents aren't getting younger and almost impossible to give them any support whilst working fulltime 200 miles away!

BishyBarnyBee · 05/03/2026 13:38

MiddleAgedDread · 05/03/2026 13:31

oh trust me I could fill the "down time" - I could actually be more active than when I'm at work and my parents aren't getting younger and almost impossible to give them any support whilst working fulltime 200 miles away!

Show quote history

My comment wasn't about filling the time in retirement, it was about finding purpose and meaning over a 40 year retirement, which would be rather different.

godmum56 · 05/03/2026 13:39

Ohfuckrucksack · 04/03/2026 14:14

Is life really made for being happy? I really don't think that is the history of humans and I think we might be expecting too much if that's what we're all aiming for.

For any species - life is about surviving long enough to reproduce so that the species doesn't end.

I think life is made for self actualisation which should make us content. It a bit more than "being happy"

CitizenofMoronia · 05/03/2026 13:47

imprincesspearl · 05/03/2026 12:48

I can’t, @CitizenofMoronia . It wouldn’t work with childcare. And it’s still teaching!

have you been in a room with supply? thats baby sitting not teaching.

godmum56 · 05/03/2026 14:36

BishyBarnyBee · 05/03/2026 13:38

My comment wasn't about filling the time in retirement, it was about finding purpose and meaning over a 40 year retirement, which would be rather different.

Show quote history

I have been retired now 18 years and am VERY happy not to have purpose and meaning in my life.

Original poster
imprincesspearl · 05/03/2026 14:41

ilovesooty · 05/03/2026 13:22

I suppose even if you did move to another school you wouldn't get the part time hours you need or be able to pick your days. And you wouldn't necessarily be able to get the same salary.

Also you're bored rather than under unacceptable stress. That might not be the case in a different environment.

It seems that what you actually want is sadly not realistic.

I know … I do recognise that. It is just the feeling of dread never really seems to fully leave me.

@BishyBarnyBee i don’t enjoy being with my kids (plural) I do rather enjoy being with them on a one on one basis, which I have this year. But the point is that my non working days aren’t this utopia which are stress free and just spent following my own interests.

I haven’t attempted to rebuff anyone because I’m trying to be negative, it’s just that suggestions, however well meaning, to retrain, do supply, try a new school, aren’t workable because I am solo caring for the children in the week. That can’t be helped and I do recognise this but it does kind of add to that trapped feeling.

OP posts:
IAxolotlQuestions · 05/03/2026 16:01

BishyBarnyBee · 05/03/2026 13:38

My comment wasn't about filling the time in retirement, it was about finding purpose and meaning over a 40 year retirement, which would be rather different.

Show quote history

Its not a 40 year retirement. At least, not a healthy one. Life expectancy varies wildly - and healthy life expectancy does too. Most of us will be knackered out by the time we hit actual retirement age.

I do agree that 40 is too early to just stop entirely though. Even if you are going to end a career, you have to have something you're planning to do for yourself (study, travel, start a small business....)

cloudtreecarpet · 05/03/2026 16:54

Ok, so my question is - why is all the childcare on you?
I think I know the answer and it's because of your job being the slightly more "flexible" one and because you get the holidays.

Maybe it's time to switch roles with your DH & for him to be part time and you to go full time but at a different school?
Or to try full time in a different role?

It seems unfair that you are not enjoying the small children but but you are forced to do that and he isn't.

goz · 05/03/2026 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
imprincesspearl · 05/03/2026 17:59

@goz donyou know what, I will admit I’m having a really awful day and had a terrible night last night but that response just has really upset me. I don’t know what your problem is here. I don’t ’hate being around young children’; I found being around my children overwhelming and panic inducing sometimes when they were eg crying or kicking off somewhere public, very tiring and very stressful.

And I was 42, albeit nearly 43.

OP posts:
Original poster
imprincesspearl · 05/03/2026 18:00

cloudtreecarpet · 05/03/2026 16:54

Ok, so my question is - why is all the childcare on you?
I think I know the answer and it's because of your job being the slightly more "flexible" one and because you get the holidays.

Maybe it's time to switch roles with your DH & for him to be part time and you to go full time but at a different school?
Or to try full time in a different role?

It seems unfair that you are not enjoying the small children but but you are forced to do that and he isn't.

That will never happen <wry smile>

Partly financial (he earns a lot more than I do, even if I was full time.) We’re actually having a disagreement via text at the moment hence I’m a bit sensitive, sorry.

OP posts:
Original poster
imprincesspearl · 05/03/2026 18:04

And actually you know what. This is what’s really frustrating.

Disagreement is money. I had the temerity to go to the dentist; they X rayed me, I didn’t realise how expensive it was and it cost £86. DH not happy.

If I was working FT I could have just paid that, albeit swearing under my breath on the way out. As if it in my lovely life which I have the nerve to complain about I’m having to apologise and justify it and I feel about as big as an average ant and it’s completely shit.

I worked full time until I was 41. I was a good teacher. I still am, even if my hearts not in it; I seem to get students through their exams OK. I’m just not enjoying it. Is that really not allowed without shitty comments?

OP posts:
GoldenCupsatHarvestTime · 05/03/2026 18:12

I get it. But equally, that’s potentially 40 years without work after just 28 years of working as an adult. Move careers I say.

GoldenCupsatHarvestTime · 05/03/2026 18:14

Why’s your high earning husband being a cunt about you needing medical X-rays? Tell him to stop being a controlling twat.

GoldenCupsatHarvestTime · 05/03/2026 18:14

Why’s your high earning husband being a cunt about you needing medical X-rays? Tell him to stop being a controlling twat.

Original poster
imprincesspearl · 05/03/2026 18:15

High earning but with high outgoings. I do agree he’s being a twat though and it was largely stuff like this that had me really considering ending things last year. I’m now evaluating that again tonight.

OP posts:
SofiaLePrince · 05/03/2026 18:15

I too want to retire and I am 42 😩. Not happening though as I would be even more broke

Original poster
imprincesspearl · 05/03/2026 18:16

This is the problem; it’s all money.

I think you maybe just lose your
mojo a bit. I know I have.

OP posts:
Sofado · 05/03/2026 18:17

Even 60 seems pretty young to me. I’m 60 and I work full time. I don’t know anyone who retired at 60. 63 was the earliest.

AndSoFinally · 05/03/2026 18:24

imprincesspearl · 04/03/2026 14:19

Yes, at sixty, not forty six (hence fourteen more years!)

@Ohfuckrucksack in fairness I am part time - I don’t think I’d manage full time without a breakdown! But this year something has changed in me, I really am not enjoying it at all. Of course, there’s always been exasperating aspects, tough classes, difficult colleagues, but this year I’m not seeming to have any of the other, more uplifting aspects to the job and am just going through the motions and clock watching.

Show quote history

Didn’t they change the teachers pension at the same time as they changed the NHS pension (about 2015)? So you can get part of it at 60, but anything accrued after 2015 ish is now linked to state pension age (68)? I may be wrong but that was my impression (husband is a teacher but joined in 2016 and his is definitely SPA)

Original poster
imprincesspearl · 05/03/2026 18:26

I joined in 2002 so it’s a bit different.

OP posts:
cloudtreecarpet · 05/03/2026 18:36

As an outsider reading your posts, I would suggest that the issues you have with your DH are the real reason for your feelings of frustration and burn out.

Ok so he earns more but with some help & support from him, you could earn well too.
You can't imagine another career or retraining because you are weighted down with being the main carer for your children.

If he isn't prepared to give you the time & support you need to make the career changes you want & need then what kind of partner is he?
If you separated & divorced and he has to step up & do some childcare that might free you up to feel differently and find other options.
You are only 42 and I don't think you really want to retire, you want and need to change your life.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 05/03/2026 18:40

imprincesspearl · 04/03/2026 14:11

I can’t, unfortunately. I have thought about it but it’s both time and money and I have neither.

You definitely can. I'm retraining at the moment and my course is a money burner so I'm constantly skint but I'm so glad I'm doing it. YOLO OP!!

Intrigued20 · 05/03/2026 19:34

How old are you OP? Bit off topic but would you consider HRT?
You mentioned feeling dread, well I had this before I went on HRT.
It has worked wonders for me.

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