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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nursery owner power trip: Was I in the wrong?

90 replies

SeaMist7 · 03/03/2026 20:26

The Situation:
My 17-month-old son just returned to nursery after a week off sick. He was understandably very upset and struggling to settle while I was taking his coat off and putting his nursery shoes on. To distract him during the transition, I picked up an apple from a refreshment tray in the lobby (meant for adults) and gave it to him just to hold. It worked immediately and helped him calm down.

The Conflict:
The nursery owner (who I pay £1,600/month) confronted me with a very sharp, unprofessional tone. She said they don't give the children whole apples. When I explained that I had only given it to him to hold as a distraction, she sternly asked me if I had brought it from home or taken it from the front.

I responded and told her I grabbed it from the front; she snapped at me and said those were for the adults. She then asked in a very pissy way if I wanted them to cut it up for him. I said no, as I had already explained it was just a momentary distraction and he would be having his normal nursery breakfast shortly.

In all this, had she framed this as a safety concern (i.e., a choking risk), I would have fully understood and agreed. However, it was clearly framed as a cost issue because I had taken an "adult's apple."

The Impact:
Without saying anything else, she went back into the nursery room and grabbed the apple specifically to thrust it back at me. Because she opened the door to do this, my son saw me right as he had started to calm down. This caused him to become unsettled and upset all over again, which I feel was completely avoidable.

My colleagues are telling me not to raise it unless it happens again, asking what I expect to achieve—but I feel I was spoken to inappropriately and my son's transition was move difficult because of her actions.

Should I let it go or raise it with her?

OP posts:
ChristmasChroniclesBookFairie · 03/03/2026 20:31

Honestly, I'd be more concerned about the quality of the nursery’s care under her management.

If you get bad vibes do you really want to leave your child there?

UncannyFanny · 03/03/2026 20:32

Look, in the greater scheme of things to be getting upset about, I’d probably not be losing my composure over something this small. There are far far bigger things to be getting upset about at nurseries. Just let it go and if anything happens that feels uncalled for in future then say something. It’s an apple and a few tears. Nobody died.

Bobbie12345678 · 03/03/2026 20:34

Not a hill to die on. Tell the story to a few people, grumble about her, then move on. 'Raising it' is not going to go well and probably won't end up making you feel any better.

Teacup40 · 03/03/2026 20:38

I wouldn't take it up with her as I doubt anything good would come of it but I'd be looking for a new nursery ASAP because if she has an attitude with you whats she like around the children when no one is there!

catipuss · 03/03/2026 20:41

It's really difficult to complain about a tone of voice. But what is she meant to do with an apple that has been handed around but not eaten? Even if it's free it's now wasted. Move on.

Notasbigasithink · 03/03/2026 20:42

If you have choices, I'd move to a different nursery. If you don't then I'd suck it up

Bitzee · 03/03/2026 20:55

There are quite strict guidelines about how and what nurseries feed the children. A child wondering around eating an apple without full supervision wouldn’t be allowed and he was in their care so I do sort of get it. It just can’t happen on their watch. Maybe she was blunt about it, it certainly sounds like she could have been more polite, but you don’t mess around with choking and I’m sure that’s what it was about combined with the wasted cost since it’ll now have to be binned as no one wants an apple handled (probably licked) by a toddler. Seems an odd concept though to have a fruit bowl in the lobby where you drop off that the kids can’t have. But let this one go, it’s not worth falling out with the nursery staff over. Especially as DS was bound to be unsettled since it was his first day back after illness.

CharlieCoCo · 03/03/2026 20:57

How is cutting up an apple less of a safety risk than a whole apple? It isnt a grape , they cant swallow it whole. A chunk of apple they can but a whole one they bite off a bit.

Hankunamatata · 03/03/2026 20:58

Not a hill to die on.

I would be of the opinion that you dont touch food your not going to eat so it was a bit of a waste

Arlanymor · 03/03/2026 21:00

You wasted food, didn’t offer to pay for it. She’s a bit peeved.

BollyMolly · 03/03/2026 21:01

She was unprofessional, but you shouldn’t have taken food that she might have bought for her staff and given it to your child to use as a distraction toy. If you raise her wrongdoings, she will only come back at you with yours.

JustJoinedRightNow · 03/03/2026 21:01

Exactly how was the apple wasted according to PP? It could have been washed! What do you think happens in shops? They get handled a bit there.

SeaMist7 · 03/03/2026 21:01

Thanks all, really helpful to get options from an impartial group. I completely agree that the children's safety is number 1 priority and I would never want to put that at risk. What is strange is they give them whole cherry tomato's to eat which imo is a bigger risk

OP posts:
anddeepbreathandsigh · 03/03/2026 21:02

I wouldn’t want someone this petty looking after my child for one minute

BollyMolly · 03/03/2026 21:04

JustJoinedRightNow · 03/03/2026 21:01

Exactly how was the apple wasted according to PP? It could have been washed! What do you think happens in shops? They get handled a bit there.

No one wants to eat an apple that a toddler has been playing with. That’s not the only problem anyway.

SeaMist7 · 03/03/2026 21:05

Also just to clarify, the fruit at the front is there for parents to take and eat when they do drop off. Im not taking or touching something that's laid out for someone else

OP posts:
Ballooney · 03/03/2026 21:06

Why would she have offered to cut it if she saw it as a cost issue? There are different liability concerns if one was taken from the nursery and god forbid something happened.

The nursery owner (who I pay £1,600/month)

I mean she doesnt just pocket everyones money for her own use.

FryingPam · 03/03/2026 21:07

I think it wasn’t the best idea to take this apple, children having food (and potentially running off with it unnoticed and taking a bite unsupervised) is a safety risk. Food is also not a toy and the apple might be wasted - your child only held it, mine would have nibbled on it. However, she should know how to handle a situation professionally and if she made you feel uncomfortable then the same thing might happen with the children.

Mulledjuice · 03/03/2026 21:08

CharlieCoCo · 03/03/2026 20:57

How is cutting up an apple less of a safety risk than a whole apple? It isnt a grape , they cant swallow it whole. A chunk of apple they can but a whole one they bite off a bit.

They can bite off chunks that could choke them.

We're supposed to grate or very finely slice it.

Bunnie007 · 03/03/2026 21:12

SeaMist7 · 03/03/2026 21:01

Thanks all, really helpful to get options from an impartial group. I completely agree that the children's safety is number 1 priority and I would never want to put that at risk. What is strange is they give them whole cherry tomato's to eat which imo is a bigger risk

The cherry tomatoes should be the thing you are raising with them- this is a huge choke risk and I’m stunned any nursery would be serving them whole

RosesAndHellebores · 03/03/2026 21:13

One of DS's teachers when he was about 7/8 confronted me with a sharp and scolding tone once. Without thinking my response was "Miss Jones, I am 43, not 8." It was about a similar non issue and I raised it woth the Head. It was one of the reasons why we moved ds and the woman's poor teaching and an ethos that allowed the nonsense to prevail

Nickyknackered · 03/03/2026 21:14

Well you gave him the apple to stop him crying and this just meant he wiukd cry for the nursery staff instead when they took it off him.

I have this issue when parents let them come to mine with all sorts of unsuitable things.... coins, batteries, devices, a lighter(!).... He wouldn't let me take it 🙄ok now let me be the bad guy!

Also children have to be seated and watched whilst they eat, I do not allow children to walk in eating and unsupervised wandering around with their fruit.

firstofallimadelight · 03/03/2026 21:18

It sounds like you gave it to him and then left the room?
I can see why she’s a bit miffed from a having toddler wandering round with an apple it’s not ideal. The fact that it’s the adults fruit is ridiculous.
she sounds like a arse but if you are otherwise happy I’d roll my eyes and move on

Anyahyacinth · 03/03/2026 21:19

Nickyknackered · 03/03/2026 21:14

Well you gave him the apple to stop him crying and this just meant he wiukd cry for the nursery staff instead when they took it off him.

I have this issue when parents let them come to mine with all sorts of unsuitable things.... coins, batteries, devices, a lighter(!).... He wouldn't let me take it 🙄ok now let me be the bad guy!

Also children have to be seated and watched whilst they eat, I do not allow children to walk in eating and unsupervised wandering around with their fruit.

I agree I think the owner was officious because OP took a risk into the room and then didn’t remove it ..so she had to and gently introduced a safety explanation

SeaMist7 · 03/03/2026 21:19

@Nickyknackered no. when I handed him over to the member of staff on duty, she took it off him and put it to the side in a little bowl. He gave it to her, no fuss.

OP posts: