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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nursery owner power trip: Was I in the wrong?

90 replies

SeaMist7 · 03/03/2026 20:26

The Situation:
My 17-month-old son just returned to nursery after a week off sick. He was understandably very upset and struggling to settle while I was taking his coat off and putting his nursery shoes on. To distract him during the transition, I picked up an apple from a refreshment tray in the lobby (meant for adults) and gave it to him just to hold. It worked immediately and helped him calm down.

The Conflict:
The nursery owner (who I pay £1,600/month) confronted me with a very sharp, unprofessional tone. She said they don't give the children whole apples. When I explained that I had only given it to him to hold as a distraction, she sternly asked me if I had brought it from home or taken it from the front.

I responded and told her I grabbed it from the front; she snapped at me and said those were for the adults. She then asked in a very pissy way if I wanted them to cut it up for him. I said no, as I had already explained it was just a momentary distraction and he would be having his normal nursery breakfast shortly.

In all this, had she framed this as a safety concern (i.e., a choking risk), I would have fully understood and agreed. However, it was clearly framed as a cost issue because I had taken an "adult's apple."

The Impact:
Without saying anything else, she went back into the nursery room and grabbed the apple specifically to thrust it back at me. Because she opened the door to do this, my son saw me right as he had started to calm down. This caused him to become unsettled and upset all over again, which I feel was completely avoidable.

My colleagues are telling me not to raise it unless it happens again, asking what I expect to achieve—but I feel I was spoken to inappropriately and my son's transition was move difficult because of her actions.

Should I let it go or raise it with her?

OP posts:
PJ98 · 04/03/2026 19:12

It was only an apple but it wasn't yours to take. Your child isn't so special that you're above something they've put out for another purpose.

Runnermumof2 · 04/03/2026 19:40

Why are there apples for adults anyway ? That's seems really weird to me.

Frillysweetpea · 04/03/2026 22:00

SeaMist7 · 03/03/2026 21:19

@Nickyknackered no. when I handed him over to the member of staff on duty, she took it off him and put it to the side in a little bowl. He gave it to her, no fuss.

She's a PITA but unless you start getting frequent issues with her and assuming you're happy with the staff who have direct care of your DC I'd let it go this time.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 04/03/2026 22:04

She was rude, without doubt.. but I'd let it slide. Storm in a teacup. If you have other concerns then maybe you need to move but this in isolation isn't that big a deal.

I'm not justifying her tone but there is such a focus on safety and it's easy panic as a nursery owner who thinks they see something potentially dangerous. I work in a preschool where children bring their own food and often toys etc and it can be infuriating sometimes. You would not believe how often parents walk out and leave the little bolted gate around the walkway open. Like it doesn't occur to them that it's to stop a little child running out into a car park, but we all know if a child escaped they would be shocked and outraged, asking how did we let this happen. I've often dashed out at speed past kids to yank it closed. Children have arrived in with items on our banned food list, it happens all the time and we have to take the food off the child and that's unfair on the kid. Uncut grapes, popcorn, even peanut butter. We've had children bring in small toys with a choking hazard warning including packets of beads, items with sharp edges etc. It can be a minefield trying to keep children safe from parents negligent behaviour sometimes.

CharlieCoCo · 04/03/2026 23:07

jannier · 04/03/2026 18:26

Guidelines say it must be cut....you can choke on a bitten piece....the child must be sat down and staff member should sit facing them and watching them eat. Nursery have no say in guidelines

A bitten piece will be a bitten piece whether bit from a whole apple or a slice, but a slice is also more likely to cause choking than a whole apple. Sometimes guidelines have no common sense (but know they have to follow them, not arguing against that, just glad I get to use my own judgement in my work place)

StolenTeapots · 05/03/2026 01:25

MrsR87 · 04/03/2026 07:29

I’d be much more concerned about the cherry tomatoes.

This

Carycach4 · 05/03/2026 01:33

JustJoinedRightNow · 03/03/2026 21:01

Exactly how was the apple wasted according to PP? It could have been washed! What do you think happens in shops? They get handled a bit there.

Do they? I don't handle an apple I'm not going to buy

JustJoinedRightNow · 05/03/2026 02:15

Carycach4 · 05/03/2026 01:33

Do they? I don't handle an apple I'm not going to buy

So you haven't ever picked an apple up, turned it over to see if it's bruised etc and put it back? Ok, sure.

sparrowhawkhere · 05/03/2026 06:38

Nickyknackered · 03/03/2026 21:14

Well you gave him the apple to stop him crying and this just meant he wiukd cry for the nursery staff instead when they took it off him.

I have this issue when parents let them come to mine with all sorts of unsuitable things.... coins, batteries, devices, a lighter(!).... He wouldn't let me take it 🙄ok now let me be the bad guy!

Also children have to be seated and watched whilst they eat, I do not allow children to walk in eating and unsupervised wandering around with their fruit.

I think it’s this.

Its not about the apple, it’s about you leaving the apple with your child and expecting the staff to take it off him.

jannier · 05/03/2026 07:15

Carycach4 · 05/03/2026 01:33

Do they? I don't handle an apple I'm not going to buy

So youve never picked up an apple and thought it looked bruised or noticed it was a braburn not a gala

hannahf4 · 05/03/2026 09:36

I would have immediately replied along the lines of who do you think your talking to like that. It's my child as you can see he's having a breakdown so I'm trying to deal with that. Add it to my £1600 invoice and il transfer the cost of the apple.

People like her probably thrive of being like this. They need to be spoken to bluntly and put in their place. I wouldn't complain about her now I'd just come back with something similar again if she did anything like that. She would soon learn to adjust her attitude

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 05/03/2026 09:42

catipuss · 03/03/2026 20:41

It's really difficult to complain about a tone of voice. But what is she meant to do with an apple that has been handed around but not eaten? Even if it's free it's now wasted. Move on.

You'd pop it back in the fruit bowl

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 05/03/2026 09:45

Mulledjuice · 03/03/2026 21:08

They can bite off chunks that could choke them.

We're supposed to grate or very finely slice it.

Shut up grate it 😆🤣

Isthateveryonethen · 05/03/2026 09:50

catipuss · 03/03/2026 20:41

It's really difficult to complain about a tone of voice. But what is she meant to do with an apple that has been handed around but not eaten? Even if it's free it's now wasted. Move on.

This. Your child just came back from being sick and you picked up something to put it back? I would be pissed off too at your attitude to waste.

rwalker · 05/03/2026 09:51

I wouldn’t be impressed giving a kid food to play with

Topseyt123 · 05/03/2026 10:04

She sounds very unprofessional, but I wouldn't have given my child the apple to hold anyway. If I did then I would have been willing to take it away with me if that is the rule.

SadSaq · 05/03/2026 10:15

I'm more shocked about the cherry tomatoes!

Calliopespa · 05/03/2026 10:22

JustJoinedRightNow · 03/03/2026 21:01

Exactly how was the apple wasted according to PP? It could have been washed! What do you think happens in shops? They get handled a bit there.

Exactly! The "now it's wasted" comments are hilariously batty. Parallel universe ... and my family think I'm overly fastidious.

I understand the frustration OP: I cannot stand Early Years teachers who treat parents like big children. I always want to say "Don't use your nursery voice with me please."

But in the bigger scheme of things, I think all's well that ends well. Nothing came of it other than you think she has a bad manner, and I'd try to roll on past it.

In fairness to her, she was probably in a spin because it might well have gone against regulations round feeding the children on site had you been going to give it to him.

Caddycat · 05/03/2026 10:25

Whether YABU or not, I wouldn't put my child in the care of someone who can lose their cool over something this trivial. If she is like this with an adult/client over an apple, how is she with toddlers behind closed doors?

Calliopespa · 05/03/2026 10:25

Carycach4 · 05/03/2026 01:33

Do they? I don't handle an apple I'm not going to buy

Don't you wash fruit before eating it?

Even on the tree fruit can have wildlife run over it. A pair of human hands is hardly the most alarming touch in the history of many apples.

rwalker · 05/03/2026 10:27

Calliopespa · 05/03/2026 10:25

Don't you wash fruit before eating it?

Even on the tree fruit can have wildlife run over it. A pair of human hands is hardly the most alarming touch in the history of many apples.

just grim giving kid food to play with irrespective if it’s washed or not afterwards

SpringIsSpringing2026 · 05/03/2026 10:27

catipuss · 03/03/2026 20:41

It's really difficult to complain about a tone of voice. But what is she meant to do with an apple that has been handed around but not eaten? Even if it's free it's now wasted. Move on.

Do you think the worst thing that an apple has done to it befire you eat it, is being held by a toddler for a couple of minutes?

seriously 🤣🤣🤣

Calliopespa · 05/03/2026 10:29

rwalker · 05/03/2026 10:27

just grim giving kid food to play with irrespective if it’s washed or not afterwards

A child holding an apple is grim?

SpringIsSpringing2026 · 05/03/2026 10:29

@SeaMist7 I would be looking at alternative provisions. Not because of the way she spoke to me, but because she was far more worried about a bloody apple than a wee toddler feeling unsure returning to nursery after a break.

SpringIsSpringing2026 · 05/03/2026 10:31

rwalker · 05/03/2026 10:27

just grim giving kid food to play with irrespective if it’s washed or not afterwards

Oh don't be ridiculous. Do you think they're grown in sterile environments & only handled by angels?

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