Some gifts are thoughtless

[Nanbreadd]

It was my son's birthday last week, he turned 13, and he received an online card from my brother.
I am sorry, I think it's such a thoughtless gift. I have always sent his daughter presents and a card for her birthday and Christmas. He didn't sent any presents to my children during Christmas, and I sent his daughter a bundle of toys. I think it's better to go NC; he has zero interest in my family and I am tried of making all the effort.
He has invited us to his daughter's birthday party, out off obligation, but I feel like not going.

Each to there own but I think your being ridiculous
for a13 year old who can buy what they want a card is far better present

I’m sure some people will just look for any excuse to go ‘NC’ with someone so they can wear it like a badge of honour.

You sound grabby, and immature.

I think going NC is extreme, but yes I’d stop bothering with gifts if not reciprocated - albeit the only person who will notice this is probably his DC!

My brother doesn’t make any effort with my kids either, I don’t let it upset me - it was the trigger for my stopping bothering sending him birthday and Christmas gifts however!

A card is not a gift.

It doesn't sound like he has much to do with your family so, actually sending a card is pretty thoughtful.

How you choose to treat his children is up to you. He is not obliged to send your DS a present just because you bought presents for his DC.

This isn't a "going NC" scenario. Just only bother to the level that you're happy with.

I think that would a bit unfair on your niece. Essentially you'd be punishing her for her dad's crapness.

What does gift giving symbolise for you? How do you think your brother would answer the same question? Did you both get presents from your aunt's and uncles growing up?

What kind of online card? As in happy birthday or as a gift certificate card?

It was a happy birthday card - the age was incorrect as well.

There are thoughtless gifts - tubs of chocolate, gift cards to shops that you don’t shop at or none in your area, toiletries gift sets as always one item you don’t use

Ugh, your bundle of toys would not go down well with me. They don’t need a load of stuff.

Getting the kids age wrong is poor form but a card is fine.

Imagine cutting your brother off over this. Grow up

How is a tub of chocolate a thoughtless gift? Great for someone who doesn’t want or need anything but enjoys chocolate now and again.

Very extreme reaction. Just do the same for his kids, a card and a voucher.

I'm firmly in the camp of.... Why do grown adults need bloody gifts? Just do kids gifts and move on with your life.

How can he buy what he wants with a birthday card?

Just stop sending presents? Going NC a huge overreaction

If you need an excuse to go NC, I'm sure you can find better ones than this. If this is your only issue with him, YABVVU.

😂 Sorry but yes that was thoughtless. He doesn't really give a shit, does he.

Absolutely. A pile of tat? No thanks. Cash is much better! Personally I have zero spare time whatsoever. If you think I’m going to waste me time wracking my brains thinking of something to get your kids that you’ll no doubt bitch about, jog on.

Go NC. From what you’ve said you’d be doing him a huge favour.

You don't get to control how someone gifts.

And I can't work out why you contact your niece at all. Do you actually love her and want to celebrate her or are you doing it out of obligation? If it's the former, cutting her off and shunning her party makes no sense. Bonkers.

Life us too short to get in a fret about something so very minor and unimportant.

YABU. You don't get to push your expectations on others. If you want to send cards and presents fine, but it's your choice.

If your entire relationship with your niece is remote anyway, I don't see the point personally. I'd spend more time and energy having a proper connection with her.

It is when someone in your family buys every single member of the family the same tub

I think there are bigger issues here than the birthday gift. Rather than going no contact, you could perhaps speak to him about what is bothering you first?

There is an in between stage , just stop buying gifts for his family

Even Ian Huntley mum hasn't gone no contact and here is you he didn't buy my kid a present im going nc. Grow up

If you only value a person by the value of the gifts that they give you, then that's a pretty poor reflection on you.