Avocados are deceitful little bastards

[likelysuspect]

Look ripe. Feel ripe.

Not ripe

Five minutes later. Over ripe.

Glad it’s not just mine! I actually still buy them and roast them with honey. I’m not letting them outsmart me! 😁

What is this magic??

Im an amateur who uses the slamming knife technique. Didnt know there was any other?

You have to wait until til they are a tad squidgy then sort of push them out of their skins. Same with mangoes.

I avoid the shiny big ones because they could easily double as a murder weapon, then go bad. The bobbly ones are easier to judge, with a squeeze.

Mangoes are best eaten in the bath, if very ripe imo. Same as pears.

I’ve been buying pots of smashed avocado. It’s £3.50 a tub but I reckoned I had a hit rate of about 1 in 8 for fresh avocado so it’s like an efficiency really. Life changing. Bloody love avocado on flatbread with crispy bacon and a smidge of chilli jam. Had it once in a lovely little cafe and I’ve been trying to recreate the taste experience ever since.

https://www.marksandspencer.com/food/products/p/fdp60287159

Wish I could get pears right though, the tinned ones are like slop. Pears are definitely bastards.

I am too timid and use the knife as lever approach - which normally results in pinging it across the room.

Het hem. A pointy sundae spoon will do it gently every time,

Oh they must be in cahoots with the person at our local Sainsbury's. I have seen avocados labelled "ripe and ready" that feel as hard as canon balls. I can only assume they have some hapless individual who has never had an avocado in their life and has absolutely no idea what to look for.

DH and I are a match made in heaven. I will only eat bananas when they are beautifully yellow a day after they've shaken off their green tinge.

After that DH will eat the ones that start to turn spotty. By then the smell makes me want to heave. Unpleasant.

Then we put any remaining in tinfoil and bake them, delish with Carte D'or vanilla ice cream.

Depends on the type too. I'm Australia but with me:

Shepherd avocados - never get properly ripe and even when you think they're 'overripe' they still have a hard texture to them. I never buy them

Hass avocados - go from firm to soft and brown within about 48 hours. Also can ripen rapidly overnight so have to check and put them in the fridge if not ready to eat. Far and away nicer taste/texture when perfect though.

See also nectarines

Oh OP I agree! So many salads ruined because I thought that the 🥑 was going to be just right.
But no.. it's flesh was spoilt.
But then again if I open it up and it's perfect I'm happy all day!

🤣

If you talk about them like that they won’t behave. You have to be nice to them 😀.

OP I feel your pain. The absolute best supermarket Avocados I find are the Waitrose Extra Large double pack but as they are quite pricey at £3.50 I just save those for a treat! Currently pregnant and been craving avocado, tomato, mozarella and balsamic vinegar so have had to try and perfect my avocado selection skills. As an aside, I grew up on the Avocado baby book so maybe that influenced my love for avocados!

This has given me a great giggling start to the day!

Avocados are so fragile that by the time I have got them home, they are bruised. I carry them like they are the crown jewels but still they can get damaged. Worth it though! Cutting into a perfect, flawless avocado makes a good day better! 😀

Can I add apples to the deceitful list? Looking beautiful from the outside and then... you bite into them and the texture is woolley and dry. Then there is the disappointment of knowing you have to eat the rest of the pack!

And apricots. All orange and innocent…

Urgh nectarines too, I stopped buying them last summer because they would be so spongey and not a drop of juice. A nectarine should be such a juice monster that you have to do the “elbow out and lean” in order to save your clothes and anything less juicy than that is dead to me.

as an aside, our local park has several British plum varieties that grow freely and every day when walking my dog last summer we would stop by for a plum or two, the king of fruits. British seasonal fruit is the food of the gods, the mistake we are making is buying things that have been shipped in rock form halfway round the world then artificially ripened. “Ripen in the fruit bowl” 🤮

They've been taking lessons from mangos 🥭

And don’t even get me started on these 🤦‍♀️ we eat with our eyes and these look like nasty bitter little devils

Don’t think I’ve ever managed to eat one without having to cut out dodgy looking bits 😞

Top tip.
Wiggle the stalk nib to check ripeness.
If it doesn't budge = unripe
If it wiggles a tiny bit = ready in a day or so
If it wiggles a lot = ready and delicious
If it falls out = potentially overripe according to tastes.

This works as naturally, the fruit falls off the tree when ripened. We pick the fruits too early but the stalk still readies to detach as if it were on the tree.

Buy frozen, defrost as you need it, always perfect

I had a perfect one last night. It felt a bit too firm but I cut into it was just about the right ripeness.