Avocados are deceitful little bastards

[likelysuspect]

Look ripe. Feel ripe.

Not ripe

Five minutes later. Over ripe.

The wonderful Simon Drew got there before you OP (image is coming shortly ....)

DH has an apron with this on...

Only amateurs remove the stone by slamming a knife into the stone or scooping it (and half the flesh) out with a spoon. Pros know that the correct way is to push it out from behind, through the skin. If it doesn’t come out easily, avocado ain’t ripe.

Disappointing and irredeemable avocados can always be used in a salad dressing with lemon or lime juice, olive oil, garlic, oregano, s&p (or other stuff).

Completely agree on both avocados and pears- small window of being nice. Would also add brie - it is rock then smells like a sock. You can have that one brie marketing board.
Did you know you can buy frozen ripe avocado and it does not go brown when thawed

I find the packs of two in M&S or Waitrose the most consistent. Tesco are shocking, ditto Aldi.

I am intrigued by mushy peas on toast, thanks for the tip from PP who hated the idea!

Not all disappointing avos can be simply blitzed into guac, sauce or similar. I've done that with one or two and just ended up with what can only be described as green gravel.

With the too hard pears, cook them in boiling water with lots of sugar added and then cool down in the fridge and hey presto you’ve made tinned pears - what’s not to like.

Slice your hand off if you look at em wrong. Cuntz!

Waitrose had frozen avocado recently, I had an ad about it. Looked revolting!

Many years ago we lived in a European country with a weekend food market in the central square. There was an Avocado Man in it who had a stall selling only avocados. You would ask him for an avocado, he would ask when you were planning to eat it, and proceed to sell you an avocado that was absolutely and perfectly ripe at the time you had named.

All subsequent avocado purchases have been an exercise in disappointment and I rarely buy them now. It is my life long sorrow.

YANBU. They're duplicitous bastards.

There’s an old Eddie Izzard sketch about Stalinist pears that absolutely nails this!
On a positive note ,if you can find the M&S nets of ripen at home ones, they seem to work best and are not pricey (I recommend as a person whose ideal snack is half an avo’ with Worcester Sauce in the dimple 🤗)

They’ve got to up their game with the free toys.
I’ve got loads of wooden balls already.

🥑

DH is very good at judging avocado ripeness - it’s his special power

I have mango issues as well.

Pale crunchy mango ...

This is only going to make us all feel worse now: we are experiencing the pain because we are just too useless.

Tru dat

And if they are stringy they are beyond redemption.

Adding figs to the shitlist.

Yes, OP, yes, a thousand times yes. Not for nothing were they once known as the avocado pear. It's because, like the pear, they have a two second window of perfect melting deliciousness. At all other times they are rock solid or browning mush. I despise them, I cannot rely on them, and I can't leave them.

Oh fucking figs

You're right.

I feel a bit the same about peaches. All 6 of them will be ripe at exactly 2:26am and then by morning they are rotten… it’s got to be deliberate!

Avocados are fine, you just have to treat them right.
Bananas on the other hand are completely unmanageable. If you're lucky you get one day of acceptable ripeness and then they've turned all spotty brown and inedible. If you're unlucky you don't even get one day.

Actually you know tomatoes are the same. British tomatoes are crunchy and insipid. We just don't notice because we so rarely get really good, juicy, properly ripe tomatoes.

I was coming on here to say exactly that about peaches and nectarines. Rock solid until the middle of the night, ripe for 2 minutes at 2:26am and rotten by morning.

And to avoid the nasty knife injuries may I suggest this: https://www.johnlewis.com/oxo-good-grips-3-in-1-avocado-tool/p231801068?s_ppc=2dx_mixed_home_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20155424063&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1xMJ3DxxEuS31YiVM9B_usoF&gclid=CjwKCAiAh5XNBhAAEiwA_Bu8Fa9mZfC9xYYCCB3nwAWobNN7vgoErXIQB_90hupLukp7Xo_fPUJI_hoCvosQAvD_BwE?

It doesn't cut very well, it can be a pain to get the stone out with the middle bit and the slices of avocado mush in the slicer bit, so it really goes well with avocados.

This is true, but there's banana bread so I forgive them. My main problem is that I'll get all excited thinking about banana bread and then the husband eats all of them because he loves a brown speckly banana. But I knew that about him and married him anyway so it's on me.

According to the stickers all over the produce in Tesco yesterday, avocados (and oranges) are from Israel and we should boycott them. Oranges Tbf are similar in that it’s rare to get a nice one these days so both easy choices to avoid (except that we love avos in this house) 😆