What's your upper age limit for having last baby

[Suburbiton63]

Just that really!
I am 37 would love one more (a third) but just don't think I can put my body through I again.

I had my two youngest children at 36 and 39 and they were definitely my easiest pregnancies. I think it's very much personal opinion and dependant on yourself. If you want another baby, go for it.

Last at 35 was late enough for me. It was my second and I’m quite badly damaged from number 1. But just in terms of exhaustion it took me a good 4 years to get past survival.

Well they dont know or care what you are thinking now so yeah different choices for all.

30 for me. I was the child of older parents who’d both died before I got to 25 so I wanted to minimise the chances of that happening to my kids. I’d also like to be young enough to meet my grandchildren one day!

I never really thought about it. I'd always assumed I would have children in my twenties, as that was what the vast majority of women did at the time.
I had my fourth (last) child when I was 25. By the time I was 40 my eldest child was leaving school and going to university!

45. But I don't feel it's right to start trying via choice post 40 for your first. Sure if you don't meet someone until your 40's. But if you decide to have a career and travel then start a family late, 40 is too late IMO.

I don't agree with the "40 is nothing now days" socailly yes, hormones dont care about fashion changes. basic biology says that not everyone will have a live birth post 40 easy peesy. Yes lots do. But it's not a given.

Mine is having the baby (which would be our second) by the time I'm 40, but as others have said this is mostly driven by the age gap with our eldest child (already way bigger than we'd hoped) and the amount of time, money and energy we've spent on trying to conceive. It's been something we've been very actively considering because of the circumstances we've found ourselves in - I'm currently pregnant with #2 at 38 so hopefully we won't hit the point of having to decide to be one and done, but having had prior miscarriages I know the odds of success aren't improving with time.

But as others have said, in different circumstances I could see having made different choices - if we were trying for a first baby I think I'd be a lot more torn about it all.

My cut off was 36.

Didn't happen - relationship blew up.

Ended up having my first at 43 - happened naturally, first month of trying, no problems whatsoever, was energetic etc not having been worn out by previous parenting!

IMO there are no rights or wrongs, no shoulds or oughts, do what works for you in your circumstances and preferences, understand all the factors - and hope that things work out as you wish.

Yeh but you aren’t fully free compared to child free people you still have adult children no matter what way you look at it . Plus backpacking and travelling in your 40s is never going to be as much craic as your 20s that’s my opinion.

My personal cut off was 40, but I’m 39 now and have just started ttc no 3, so 2 cycles left to conceive and have the baby still born in my 30s.

In reality, I can’t see myself stopping ttc if it hasn’t happened after 2 cycles - given my age I’d be surprised if it did - but if it hasn’t happened in 6 months/if I have another mc then I think we will stop. But I have 2 lovely kids (born when I was 30 and 33) - it would be different if I was trying to have a first baby.

ETA: I’ve had lots of mcs in the past but was blessed with straightforward easy pregnancies and fantastic quick births, and am in good health now - id think again if that wasn’t the case.

I had mine at 32 & 38. I did not want children in my 20s. 40 would probably have been my cut off. Only you know your body, if you are fit and well, there's nothing to stop you trying.

30 - I had my first at 27 and luckily we settled on just the one. I wanted to travel to far flung places with my child, I consider showing him the world an absolute privilege and I wouldn’t miss it for anything. I didn’t want to be 45 and still doing the school run.

You're right these threads are depressing, and we can all see some of the posters sniping at each other and smug attitudes to having children younger or older.

I had DC1 aged 41, after years of trying and many rounds of IVF and am in the process of trying for DC2. If things had gone to plan I'd have had my hoped for 2 or 3 children in my 30s but not everyone is so lucky.
I'm not the oldest in my circle to be trying for a baby but I do also have friends with sixth formers and drama with teen romances and learning to drive. And I've made friends with some much younger women via baby groups.

Travelling in your 50s after kids is much more appreciated than by many of those in their 20s

And if you have done a decent job of bringing up your kids they should be independent adults ( barring SN) so dont restrict you

I suppose my question is, do you truly regret it (as in, wish you hadn't had your children because it means you are an older mum) or do you simply wish that your circumstances had been different and you had been able to have your children when you were younger? In an ideal world I'd have preferred to have had mine earlier, but between not having anyone to have them with and then fertility issues, I didn't have a say in the matter. I don't regret it because I couldn't control it!

I had ds at 45. No issues, easy pregnancy. He's 17 now. All going well so far.

Had my third at 40. Was fine. Doesn't really tell you much though, only you can know how you feel about being an older mother. Makes me a bit sad sometimes.

Genuine question - if you hadn't been able to have any children by the time you turned 30 (because for example you had fertility struggles or found yourself single), would you have simply decided to stop trying and live a childfree life? If so, I think that's a really interesting decision, but I also suspect you'd be very much in the minority.

Yeh but it’s not quite the same it’s just not. And yes I’m sure travelling in your 50s or 40s is good but it’s just not the same as when you are young in my opinion .

Having kids when you're older, is just not the same either, in my opinion. I'm happy to have traded some travel and freedom, to have started a family young. Everyone is different 🤷‍♀️.

These threads always go the same way. Older moms get defensive about their choices and circumstances, younger moms get defensive about their choices and circumstances. As others have said, it isn't always a choice.

For me, my cut off was 40. I had mine at 35 and 37. Probably would have pushed that limit a year or two. Both my pregnancies were easy, births were uncomplicated, 10 months on I don't feel any more tired than usual. My dad was 35 when I was born and he is a very active grandparent. Can't see any problems doing the school run in my 40s. Maybe would have had them a little younger but that wasn't possible as I wasn't with my partner then. Also I managed to dodge having a baby during the pandemic.

Had my second age 43. My second pregnancy was much easier than my first and no complications - I was healthier and I was less busy at work; I also wasn’t any more caring for my dad who had had cancer when dd1 was born.

I found the baby and toddler years easier in my 40s - I took extra time off work and had my mum nearby to help.

It is risky and more strain on your body so you want to be an idea weight, very fit, ready for what that 20 week scan shows.

It’s a very personal decision.

Oh god, this is very sobering to read!

I'm 31 this year, no kids yet but I feel like I have years ahead of me (I want children).

Feeling old right now 🤣

It comes down to what do you prioritise- having children first or travel.

There’s no reason you can’t go away for a week on an adventure, even with a child in your 20s. All of the young parents I know have support from grandparents.

Maybe you can’t float around on a spiritual expedition as a nomad, but not everyone wants to do that at any age.

The way some people think, a pregnancy at 40 is risky but wasnt mentioned and was offered a home birth (didn't want one!).