So he has self diagnosed himself with depression and says it's caused by you. He wants to work less and have you, the alleged cause of his depression, take on more of the financial burden as well as the entire household burden. Yet he refuses to go to counseling.
First, untreated mental illness is a hill to die on. Don't agree to him working less. He goes to the doctor for assessment and if diagnosed, follows his treatment plan. If he doesn't, this is divorce worthy.
If he is not diagnosed with depression or whatever, that's also a hill to die on. He's trying to put the entire family burden on you. If that's so and he wants to put down any and every responsibility, then what is he bringing to the family to offset his becoming a drain? It sounds like nothing.
Sitting at the dinner table in silence is a parody of family life. How unpleasant and controlling is he about other things?
I think your marriage is done. He resents and blames you for his life, he claims he's mentally ill because of you. He refuses to take steps to change other than less work which will affect you negatively. He won't go to counseling. I think your marriage has hit a point where there's splitting or your life gets worse and you have a husband that's a millstone.
How old are your kids? Is he trying to situate himself as primary carer for your kids by less or no working so you have to pay him maintenance?