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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - not invited to friend's wedding

120 replies

Grovescamp15 · 26/02/2026 17:03

My friend and ex work colleague is getting married this year. We aren't super close but get together outside of work now and again, and worked together for several years until she went on maternity leave then I went on maternity leave just as she returned to work recently. Also, for context, I went to school with her fiancé and I was the one who introduced them, but I wouldn't say I'm 'friends' with him as such, more someone I would just say hi to when I saw him.

Anyway, when she got engaged last year she was talking about the hen do and the wedding as if I would be there and asking my opinion on outfits etc so I (perhaps wrongly) assumed I would be invited.

She has her hen party coming up and it became clear a little while ago I'm not invited - no big deal, I thought she is probably keeping it for close friends/family. Then, speaking to a mutual colleague a few weeks ago, I realise the invites for the wedding were sent out electronically and I haven't been sent one. I met with the friend getting married and a mutual colleague for coffee yesterday and asked about the wedding (how plans are going etc). They looked awkwardly at each other and changed the subject. Later, when the friend went to the toilet the colleague told me our friend feels bad but I'm not invited to the wedding as I'm on maternity leave so she doesn't see me as much anymore. The rest of our colleagues are invited.

AIBU to be hurt by this? She could have at least just told me this herself, I understand weddings are expensive but she has invited colleagues who I would say aren't as 'close' as we are, including the woman covering my maternity leave who only started a few months ago!

OP posts:
Original poster
Grovescamp15 · 26/02/2026 20:24

Rhubarb24 · 26/02/2026 20:16

So you're back at work a week after her wedding and she's not going feel awkward?

I gather she is not going on a honeymoon straight after the wedding, or else she wouldn't have to face her at work that week.

She sounds like a bit of an arse. I'd keep it friendly and professional with her but at an arm's length emotionally. Stuff her.

Apparently not 🤷🏼‍♀️ no they are having their honeymoon the following Spring.

I think I will definitely keep her more at arm's length now and just give her a card for the wedding rather than money/ a gift as planned.

OP posts:
FrangipaniBlue · 26/02/2026 20:29

Brightlittlecanary · 26/02/2026 17:12

She’s been not invited as they haven’t stayed in touch, nor as she’s on maternity.

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It literally says in the OP that when wedding friend went to the toilet mutual friend/colleague told the OP the friend said she wasn’t invited because she’s on maternity leave…….

Mummypie21 · 26/02/2026 20:30

Grovescamp15 · 26/02/2026 20:24

Apparently not 🤷🏼‍♀️ no they are having their honeymoon the following Spring.

I think I will definitely keep her more at arm's length now and just give her a card for the wedding rather than money/ a gift as planned.

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I agree with this approach. I also wouldn't specifically ask to see photos or show much interest in the wedding.

Isthisit2025 · 26/02/2026 20:33

It’s not nice OP. YANBU to be upset. Keep an arms length. I don’t know why people carry on like this. An evening invite at the very least.

IwanttoWFH · 26/02/2026 20:45

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I would also have assumed she was a friend, based on the information you’ve provided. Inviting everyone else from work and not you is really shitty, especially as you have met up outside of work.

Are your work colleagues invited to the whole day, or just the evening?

I invited work colleagues to the evening only of my wedding. I kept it to my actual team though and not wider colleagues.

Katflapkit · 26/02/2026 20:57

Brightlittlecanary · 26/02/2026 17:10

What now, who on earth messages every acquaintance to say you are not invited,

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Did you miss the part in the OP that she introduced them

Original poster
Grovescamp15 · 26/02/2026 21:02

IwanttoWFH · 26/02/2026 20:45

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I would also have assumed she was a friend, based on the information you’ve provided. Inviting everyone else from work and not you is really shitty, especially as you have met up outside of work.

Are your work colleagues invited to the whole day, or just the evening?

I invited work colleagues to the evening only of my wedding. I kept it to my actual team though and not wider colleagues.

Out of our small team, one is her best friend who is obviously a bridesmaid and another two are invited to the day. These are all people we have worked with for years. Another three people are invited to the evening. These are all people who have started with us more recently - this includes the lady who is my maternity cover. I'm not sure if the people she has invited from the wider team are all day or just evening.

OP posts:
Rhubarb24 · 26/02/2026 21:23

Hope you're okay. It's not a nice thing to be on the receiving end of 😔

Buffysoldersister · 26/02/2026 21:47

I don't get people saying you've only seen her 3 times in 3 months - at the start of my maternity leave that would have been a huge amount to have seen someone who wasn't close family, lived very near or also went to the same baby classes etc. If she didn't also have kids I could possibly understand her misinterpreting this, but given the situation you have described I think this is pretty unkind and I would be upset too.

opinionateddanceparty · 26/02/2026 21:59

That sounds so rough, especially because you're essentially being left out because you just had a baby. 💔 She's a shitty friend, I would low key distance myself!

If you see her again on maternity leave, would you quietly acknowledge it? Something like "I hope wedding prep is going well for you, and I can't wait to see pictures of your day from the team - you'll be a beautiful bride." That way you're recognizing to her you won't be there on the day while others are going. Could get the awkwardness out of the day so you don't have to deal with it your first week back?

Uticary · 26/02/2026 22:34

OP, yanbu at all.
She sounds like a dim arse.
Who asks maternity cover and not the person you worked with, socialise with, exchange child presents with?
3 times in 3 months is a lot.
She is an arse.
Drop that rope.

99bottlesofkombucha · 26/02/2026 22:35

Brightlittlecanary · 26/02/2026 17:15

She also says she’s not kept in touch and fhey aren’t close.

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She’s seen her twice since having a baby 3 months ago. Thats a lot, more than any colleague I’ve ever had.

blackcatlove · 26/02/2026 22:40

I think she’s being awful. I’d be taking a massive step from her, she’s not your friend. Hope you are okay x

CluelessAboutBiology · 26/02/2026 22:51

@Grovescamp15 you’re a nicer person than I am, I wouldn’t even give her a card. Well, I might give her one of the 29p ones from the Card Factory.

Original poster
Grovescamp15 · 27/02/2026 03:19

opinionateddanceparty · 26/02/2026 21:59

That sounds so rough, especially because you're essentially being left out because you just had a baby. 💔 She's a shitty friend, I would low key distance myself!

If you see her again on maternity leave, would you quietly acknowledge it? Something like "I hope wedding prep is going well for you, and I can't wait to see pictures of your day from the team - you'll be a beautiful bride." That way you're recognizing to her you won't be there on the day while others are going. Could get the awkwardness out of the day so you don't have to deal with it your first week back?

That's a good idea, thank you! I think I will definitely have to say something along those lines. I can imagine when I return to work they will all be discussing the wedding (it is the week before I go back) so I will probably feel a bit awkward either way but hopefully they won't do that awful tiptoeing around me thing the whole time if I speak to her beforehand!

OP posts:
Original poster
Grovescamp15 · 27/02/2026 03:23

Buffysoldersister · 26/02/2026 21:47

I don't get people saying you've only seen her 3 times in 3 months - at the start of my maternity leave that would have been a huge amount to have seen someone who wasn't close family, lived very near or also went to the same baby classes etc. If she didn't also have kids I could possibly understand her misinterpreting this, but given the situation you have described I think this is pretty unkind and I would be upset too.

Yes it is quite a lot to me too. I haven't even seen some of my closer friends that much to be honest but I do find she is more if a 'high maintenance ' friend, as are my work colleagues in general!

OP posts:
SlightlyHeartbroken · 27/02/2026 04:24

Could it be her fiancé didn’t want you there?

PrincessofWells · 27/02/2026 04:40

She sounds very shallow tbh. 'Friends' like this are not worth spending angst on. She has been very unfair and cruel by excluding you, so I would just drop her.

I've dropped 'friends' who didn't value my friendship and that's OK. If they hurt you and can't see what their lack of consideration has done, why would you want to carry on that friendship? Having boundaries is healthy for your mental health.

PrincessofWells · 27/02/2026 04:42

opinionateddanceparty · 26/02/2026 21:59

That sounds so rough, especially because you're essentially being left out because you just had a baby. 💔 She's a shitty friend, I would low key distance myself!

If you see her again on maternity leave, would you quietly acknowledge it? Something like "I hope wedding prep is going well for you, and I can't wait to see pictures of your day from the team - you'll be a beautiful bride." That way you're recognizing to her you won't be there on the day while others are going. Could get the awkwardness out of the day so you don't have to deal with it your first week back?

That sounds horrendously creepy . . .

OvernightBloats · 27/02/2026 05:44

She must know that not inviting you to the wedding would upset you. She invited colleagues she hardly knows instead. Your 'friend' doesn't care about your feelings at all, she doesn't care about you.

I would draw a line in the sand with this. Her actions tell you all you need to know about where you stand. Put her firmly in the colleague category from now on. Drop all the card/present giving - she doesn't deserve it.

Faceon · 27/02/2026 06:00

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Tweakie123 · 27/02/2026 06:39

I accidentally clicked Yabu. I meant not. If all your colleagues are invited and you aren’t because your on mat leave that’s really unfair. Obv you aren’t going to see her as much at the minute as you’re not at work but it sounds like you’re still making an effort if you’ve gone in for a coffee.

LivingTheDreamish · 27/02/2026 06:48

Wow what a cow. At least you know now. She's a situational friend so just lower your expectations and try not to be hurt. I wouldn't bother with a card for the wedding, let alone a gift.

Mumofoneandone · 27/02/2026 07:45

What a nasty woman and to not even have the balls to tell you to your face, especially when she's clearly talked to others about it.
I'd distance yourself from now on. Be professional when you return to work. Hold your head high when you go back and let her be embarrassed about her behaviour if they're all discussing the wedding. Maybe try and get some stock phrases in your head, so if you're asked you hopefully won't be too emotional.
Also make sure you have lots of up to date baby photos on your phone. Am sure people will be really excited to see you and hear about your little one - after a week's discussion of your colleagues wedding, the team might be bored anyway!!

Forty85 · 27/02/2026 07:54

I think she's really shady doing that and I wouldn't bother wasting my time on maternity leave messaging her or meeting up with her to be honest. Don't buy her child anymore presents either. She clearly doesn't see you as the friend you see her and that's hurtful. Congrats on your baby.