To say im on maternity leave not house wife leave

[Cloudyonasunnyday]

Had second child 5 months ago. Becoming increasingly frustrated that I’m very much the default parent / housekeeper (I don’t mind the parenting Element as much as I am on maternity leave) but I seem to be picking up even more house work than before. I feel like I organise absolutely everything from food shops to laundry.

DH wfh and has a lot of downtime which he will spend lazing about / going to the gym etc I think the fact he’s at home and under my feet is half the problem. If he was at the office everyday I would know he cannot physically help so wouldn’t get so annoyed maybe ?

I’ve reached out a few times to him about feeling unsupported and he’s sort of agreed to do more but then nothing…

I think I’ve come to the realisation today that he expects me to take care of the whole house due to being on maternity leave

AIBU to be enraged ?

I was going to say that I think YABU, as you are actually on leave (albeit maternity leave) and have more opportunities to do more housework and shopping etc, and I do think you should do a bit more housework and general chores... But still, it's a unfair that you should so it all. I would say a 65-35 split would be OK when the baby is 5 months old. (You 65.) Although I would have said 50-50 for the first few months of the baby's life.

And you said he was lazy before you had this baby, so that is why he's leaving everything to you. And he will continue leaving it all up to you when you're back at work! What was he like after the birth of the first one?

You MUST put your foot down now, and tell him he needs to step up!

Anyway, I would be driven bonkers by him being at home all day 'working from home' as you can never relax and do your own thing and watch what you want on TV (in between housework and chores.) My DH tried to apply for a job that was WFH, (just 20 hours a week,) but he didn't get it, thank God! 😬

Thing is, what you are telling us @Cloudyonasunnyday doesn't shock me, and neither do the other tales of bone-idle men who are lazy around the house. Most men are like this. Although you will hear anecdotes from some posters who say they and their DH/partner split everything 50-50, and did do all through maternity leave/having children, but in most cases that simply doesn't happen.

Honestly, no wonder so many women these days are choosing to remain childfree. They have finally got a clue, and know what life is like for the majority of women who have a child/children. A bloody hard slog. As has been said, the woman/the mother is the default carer - always. Child not well at school or nursery or childminder, who is called? The child's father? No. Never. ALWAYS the mother. And the mother is always the one who is expected to use her holiday leave to care for the child too if the child is ill/off school for some reason. The mother is blamed for everything that goes 'wrong,' and if the child falls out with another child, it's the mother that the other parents come at. Never the child's father.

As I said, no wonder so many women are choosing a childfree life now!

Personally I am of the option the not working partner does the housework etc...

@wishingonastar101 , they are both working. The OP is on maternity leave not special leave to absolve her husband from household tasks and parental duties.

Crack the whip

Nothing annoys me more than seeing women being exploited to do all the housework and childcare while contributing to the household financially. Why on earth do women enable it and tiptoe around a slacker guy. Maternity leave was more gruelling than my corporate finance job, but men seem to think it’s a holiday

She is working, she has a complete dependent child to care for. Plus she still bringing in an income each month.

Excellent idea.
Encourage him to share the parental leave. Seriously, this is the way to avoid the trap of becoming both the primary parent and the default parent.

With the caveat that you need to sort out the division of "areas of responsibility" first. So you know what you need to do when you come home in the evenings and at weekends, and more importantly, you know what not to touch because it is his responsibility.
The trap is if he does fuck all during the day and you come home to a tip of a house, kitchen messed up from lunchtime and breakfast, no laundry done, while he sits on the sofa watching TV or phone and baby amuses herself with precious little adult input or actual 'parenting'.

You should have equal downtime. If he has more than you, then he needs to be picking up more house stuff. You’re right, you’re supposed to be looking after the baby, not the house.

As has been said, the woman/the mother is the default carer - always. Child not well at school or nursery or childminder, who is called? The child's father? No. Never. ALWAYS the mother. And the mother is always the one who is expected to use her holiday leave to care for the child too if the child is ill/off school for some reason. The mother is blamed for everything that goes 'wrong,' and if the child falls out with another child, it's the mother that the other parents come at. Never the child's father.

No, not always at all. Some of us demanded different of our partners before making them parents and have stuck to it.

DH is the one that covers DD’s sickness/inset days/school hols. DH does all school runs, lunch boxes, permission slips, dinner money. We’ve given both careers equal priority and both earn similar (6 figs). I travel more than him now, and don’t give it a second thought because he is more than capable of doing it all. (Probably more so than I am.)

DH isn’t working all day. He has long gaps during which he lazes about or goes to the gym. What’s OP doing during the baby’s naps? Not going to the bloody gym that’s for sure. Interesting you assume the DH’s work is non stop but the OP’s isn’t, whereas my experience of work, babies and life in general is that the baby work is generally more relentless. Of course paid jobs vary enormously, but it sounds like this DH is at the more dossy end of the spectrum.