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Original poster

Do you regret your divorce?

84 replies

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:38

In the process of figuring out if I should divorce my husband. But also not sure as to whether I’ll look back and regret it which made me wonder how many people actually do regret it?

OP posts:
Newlysinglemum1 · 25/02/2026 22:41

Not in the slightest. I regret getting married to him outside of the fact I have my son as a result which is the silver lining to it all. But my situation involved really awful behaviour on his part so it was really a no brainer for me, i knew the marriage was absolutely dead before i asked for a divorce.

If you're in two minds would you consider marriage counselling to see if things can be remedied or if not to navigate a more amicable split? Do you feel safe in your marriage? Is there still love there?

Thejollypostlady · 25/02/2026 22:41

Absolutely not. Life is so much better now.

Offleyhoo · 25/02/2026 22:42

I actually know several people, men and women, who really regret leaving their partner but can't now turn the clock back as the partner is remarried. Having said that lots of people I know are relieved to be divorced. I guess it depends on your circumstances and how bad it is 😞

cleowasmycat · 25/02/2026 22:46

Nope

ChaliceinWonderland · 25/02/2026 22:47

No times 1000. Thank fuck I am now free.

Original poster
user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:48

We’ve been separated for six months and recently (about a week ago) he said he wanted us to try again even if there’s a 1% chance that things could be different this time around. But

  1. He’s awful with money to the point bailiffs have come to our house before
  2. His parents were controlling towards me and intervened in our marriage a lot and despite at one point seeing this, he now doesn’t see anything wrong with them and denies any controlling behaviour and minimises their wrongdoing
  3. He’s an avoidant when he’s called out on the above. He isn’t scared of intimacy but when he’s confronted about the above he says he feels suffocated and wants to shut the convo down or leave the room
  4. He finds it difficult to take accountability.

The reasons why I wonder if I’d regret divorce

  1. My daughter does love him and I’ll always wonder if we could’ve made it work for her
  2. He’s not a bad person, he had undiagnosed ADHD and autism until he met me and has had childhood trauma that he refuses to accept. He has learnt avoidant behaviours to survive but now he applies that to our marriage and sees everything as an attack
  3. Ive never seen evidence of any cheating or anything sinister like that

I think for a lot of people the cons outweigh the pros I guess, but I’ll always wonder what if?

Despite saying he wants to try again, he hasnt done much to try again. We went out as a family last Thursday but that was suggested by me. Apart from that he’s not really done anything. He says he’s hurt as I did do a social services referral following our separation as I felt uncomfortable sending my daughter to his parents house after how controlling they were with me and how they’ve at times over stepped the mark when it came to her. The assessment concluded that there’s no evidence of current harm towards her. He says he’s finding it hard to move past the fact that I called social services for an assessment despite the fact I clarified I did this for peace of mind given my lived experiences from living there. But he says he wants to try again?

OP posts:
FreeWheezin · 25/02/2026 22:50

Is your life easier, simpler and calmer without him in it every day? I completely understand thinking about your daughter in this, but it is ok for you to have a peaceful life.

MyFunSloth · 25/02/2026 22:53

Your intentions sound noble but if he isn’t able to see, let alone begin to address, issues as huge as money and a controlling family, then you have to ask yourself whether there is a realistic chance of success.

There’s also a danger that trying one last time destroys anything you do have, eg civil interaction, the remnants of respect for each other, etc.

ObliviousCoalmine · 25/02/2026 22:54

No, he’s a prick. The day he moved out was glorious, never looked back.

Oblivionnnnn · 25/02/2026 22:54

God no. I literally haven’t missed him for one single minute. I love my new life very very dearly.

ObliviousCoalmine · 25/02/2026 22:56

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:48

We’ve been separated for six months and recently (about a week ago) he said he wanted us to try again even if there’s a 1% chance that things could be different this time around. But

  1. He’s awful with money to the point bailiffs have come to our house before
  2. His parents were controlling towards me and intervened in our marriage a lot and despite at one point seeing this, he now doesn’t see anything wrong with them and denies any controlling behaviour and minimises their wrongdoing
  3. He’s an avoidant when he’s called out on the above. He isn’t scared of intimacy but when he’s confronted about the above he says he feels suffocated and wants to shut the convo down or leave the room
  4. He finds it difficult to take accountability.

The reasons why I wonder if I’d regret divorce

  1. My daughter does love him and I’ll always wonder if we could’ve made it work for her
  2. He’s not a bad person, he had undiagnosed ADHD and autism until he met me and has had childhood trauma that he refuses to accept. He has learnt avoidant behaviours to survive but now he applies that to our marriage and sees everything as an attack
  3. Ive never seen evidence of any cheating or anything sinister like that

I think for a lot of people the cons outweigh the pros I guess, but I’ll always wonder what if?

Despite saying he wants to try again, he hasnt done much to try again. We went out as a family last Thursday but that was suggested by me. Apart from that he’s not really done anything. He says he’s hurt as I did do a social services referral following our separation as I felt uncomfortable sending my daughter to his parents house after how controlling they were with me and how they’ve at times over stepped the mark when it came to her. The assessment concluded that there’s no evidence of current harm towards her. He says he’s finding it hard to move past the fact that I called social services for an assessment despite the fact I clarified I did this for peace of mind given my lived experiences from living there. But he says he wants to try again?

Edited

6 months is the trap. You split, you crack on and they go about doing whatever nonsense it is they do, and then BAM, 6ish months later they suddenly get the nostalgia and realise the grass isn’t always greener and try and back pedal.

People very rarely change who they are.

JamNittyGritty · 25/02/2026 22:56

Nope, neither does he. We’re both much happier now.

i sometimes feel sad about not having family life with the kids but that’s just missing what might have been rather than what life actually was

sesquipedalian · 25/02/2026 22:57

OP, if you still love him, and if he agrees to let you take charge if finances, it could work. You will have to speak with him about his DPs - after six months apart, point out how inappropriate any sort of intervention from your in-laws would be. Your daughter loves him, and nobody, ever, will be as invested in your child as their parents. You say there’s no cheating and clearly he’s never been unkind to you, which are both reasons many marriages break up. Have you considered, or would he be open to any sort of marriage counselling? If he wants to make it work, maybe counselling would be good for both of you.

SingAling · 25/02/2026 22:57

He'd have to prepared to give you full responsibility for money and to put up a firm barrier with his parents to be given a second chance. It doesn’t look likely he’ll accept these.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/02/2026 22:58

lol. Um. No. 😂

YourNeedyTaupeCat · 25/02/2026 22:59

@Offleyhoo
I actually know several people, men and women, who really regret leaving their partner but can't now turn the clock back as the partner is remarried.

D you know why they regret it?

halftermhalfawake · 25/02/2026 22:59

Noooooo

Parrotstwice · 25/02/2026 22:59

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:38

In the process of figuring out if I should divorce my husband. But also not sure as to whether I’ll look back and regret it which made me wonder how many people actually do regret it?

Could you try and trial separation?
Im in the process of this now.
Not going down the legal route if divorce but just moving out nearby abd living separately for a while to see how that feels.
There's no abuse in my situation and I know my husband is a good man and a good father. I just feel like we may be happier apart.
So not making any final decision until we have lived apart and can make it together.
Maybe we will miss each other and the life we had. Maybe we will find we are both happier.

MySpiritAnimalIsAPanda · 25/02/2026 22:59

Absolutely not but I didn’t realise then how badly I had been treated. It’s called coercive control now - looking back I can’t believe I let it happen to me so easily. We didn’t have children though thank God, the thought of being tied to him for ever fills me with dread.

Maybe if you’re not 100% you could try relationship counselling and see how you feel after that? Good luck whatever you decide

Original poster
user2466 · 25/02/2026 23:05

@sesquipedalian he lacks proper work ethic. So the issue isn’t giving me financial control, it’s the fact that he gets too overstimulated and can’t hold down a proper job. He’s now self employed and drives for Uber but then he procrastinates and gets distracted.

His parents are very influential and influence him a lot and he doesn’t see an issue with that anymore. But at one point he did start to see it and because of that he went NC for 1.5 years on and off but he had a random epiphany for them and decided they’re not that bad now (they’ve been helping him with his debt)

OP posts:
ChalkOrCheese · 25/02/2026 23:05

He's not a catch so why settle?

No disrespect but your child isn't an excuse to cling to the safety of what you know.

Commit to the divorce and stop paddling in the pool of family dinners. It's confusing for everyone. I remember my parents having the odd cup of tea after the divorce during handover and despite each having partners I used to like to pretend they were together for a little while. Just don't X

Original poster
user2466 · 25/02/2026 23:05

I’m not 100% sure if he’d sit with a counsellor and dicusss our issues. He finds it hard to open up to people he doesn’t know

OP posts:
AltitudeCheck · 25/02/2026 23:07

'Not a bad person' and 'no evidence if cheating' aren't reasons to spend your one precious life with someone! If he doesn't bring joy, peace and stability to your lives then cut him loose!

Your daughter can have a lovely relationship with him without you being married to him.

She's just got used to you being apart, it'll confuse her so much if you get back together and go on to split up again. Don't mess with her head.

He has done nothing to change... all that has changed is that 6 months have passed. A very difficult six months that you'd have to go through again when you do finally divorce him.

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 25/02/2026 23:10

No! Think of how awful it will be for your DD when you separate again! Don't do that to her!

BTW, having parents who are amicable and can coparent is a fantastic thing to give to a child! Much better than parents in a mediocre marriage.

Charliede1182 · 25/02/2026 23:17

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:48

We’ve been separated for six months and recently (about a week ago) he said he wanted us to try again even if there’s a 1% chance that things could be different this time around. But

  1. He’s awful with money to the point bailiffs have come to our house before
  2. His parents were controlling towards me and intervened in our marriage a lot and despite at one point seeing this, he now doesn’t see anything wrong with them and denies any controlling behaviour and minimises their wrongdoing
  3. He’s an avoidant when he’s called out on the above. He isn’t scared of intimacy but when he’s confronted about the above he says he feels suffocated and wants to shut the convo down or leave the room
  4. He finds it difficult to take accountability.

The reasons why I wonder if I’d regret divorce

  1. My daughter does love him and I’ll always wonder if we could’ve made it work for her
  2. He’s not a bad person, he had undiagnosed ADHD and autism until he met me and has had childhood trauma that he refuses to accept. He has learnt avoidant behaviours to survive but now he applies that to our marriage and sees everything as an attack
  3. Ive never seen evidence of any cheating or anything sinister like that

I think for a lot of people the cons outweigh the pros I guess, but I’ll always wonder what if?

Despite saying he wants to try again, he hasnt done much to try again. We went out as a family last Thursday but that was suggested by me. Apart from that he’s not really done anything. He says he’s hurt as I did do a social services referral following our separation as I felt uncomfortable sending my daughter to his parents house after how controlling they were with me and how they’ve at times over stepped the mark when it came to her. The assessment concluded that there’s no evidence of current harm towards her. He says he’s finding it hard to move past the fact that I called social services for an assessment despite the fact I clarified I did this for peace of mind given my lived experiences from living there. But he says he wants to try again?

Edited

The reasons for leaving him sound perfectly valid and sensible.

The reasons listed for staying sound like crap - "for the sake of the child/ren" because he might have a mental illness, and because he isn't violent or a pervert, that you know of!

I doubt anyone takes divorce lightly and in most cases there has to be something fundamentally wrong in the relationship for someone to take what can be a traumatic and expensive path.

People don't do it on a whim, and whilst some might dislike being on their own or wish they were still in a bigger house getting their socks washed and their dinner cooked, especially the men ;) I bet there are very few who truly regret getting divorced, assuming they were the one instigating it.