Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you regret your divorce?

84 replies

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:38

In the process of figuring out if I should divorce my husband. But also not sure as to whether I’ll look back and regret it which made me wonder how many people actually do regret it?

OP posts:
Outlawqueen · 25/02/2026 23:17

I sometimes question if I did the right thing leaving my ex husband. We didnt have kids (but had been actively trying for a long time and it wasn't happening). I think the stress of that affected me but I also struggled with his attitude towards life. He didn't ever want to do anything and I often felt really lonely in my marriage because I was always on my own if I ever wanted to get out or go anywhere. I even started to go on holidays myself. I figured I was young and this wasn't the life I wanted, particularly if we couldn't have kids. I could live with not being able to have kids with someone who would then travel and explore the world with me, but the thought of not being able to have them and then just spending our lives sitting at home pushed me over the edge.
I left and it broke him. I feel awful about that. Later I met someone else and we had kids but also travel and do fun things together. Sounds ideal but after having kids my partner's childhood trauma became apparent and certain other circumstances outwith our control happened that made life very difficult. I love my partner and he can be amazing but also hard to live and raise children with. Sometimes I think back to my ex-husband and his calmness, how he was my best friend (even if there wasn't much he intimacy and to be honest we weren't ever sexually compatible), and I wonder if I should have left him but I think the truth is, we should never actually have gotten married in the first place.

Monty27 · 25/02/2026 23:19

No regrets just sadness for my dcs and me marrying the wrong person.

INeedAnotherAlibi · 25/02/2026 23:24

No, no regrets. Felt like I’d tried everything I could to make it worse. He made some effort to change after we split but nothing stuck and he moved on to a new woman within a couple of weeks. He doesn’t see DD at all. I’m sad he’s turned out to be such a shit Dad but DD is better off without his negativity in her life.

You separated for a reason. None of those have changed. He is who he is. He’s not motivated to change. If you get back together, he will threaten your security, your finances and your well being. I really wouldn’t.

GenerousGardener · 25/02/2026 23:39

Nope. Glad to see the back of him. Feel sorry for anyone that’s caught up with him now. He should have got in the bin and stayed there.

Original poster
user2466 · 26/02/2026 08:38

Interesting responses thank you. Seems as though the general consensus is the divorce was for the best

OP posts:
cupfinalchaos · 26/02/2026 08:39

I regret my marriage not my divorce.

simpledeer · 26/02/2026 08:44

lol! No! I regret not doing it sooner,

researchers3 · 26/02/2026 08:47

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:48

We’ve been separated for six months and recently (about a week ago) he said he wanted us to try again even if there’s a 1% chance that things could be different this time around. But

  1. He’s awful with money to the point bailiffs have come to our house before
  2. His parents were controlling towards me and intervened in our marriage a lot and despite at one point seeing this, he now doesn’t see anything wrong with them and denies any controlling behaviour and minimises their wrongdoing
  3. He’s an avoidant when he’s called out on the above. He isn’t scared of intimacy but when he’s confronted about the above he says he feels suffocated and wants to shut the convo down or leave the room
  4. He finds it difficult to take accountability.

The reasons why I wonder if I’d regret divorce

  1. My daughter does love him and I’ll always wonder if we could’ve made it work for her
  2. He’s not a bad person, he had undiagnosed ADHD and autism until he met me and has had childhood trauma that he refuses to accept. He has learnt avoidant behaviours to survive but now he applies that to our marriage and sees everything as an attack
  3. Ive never seen evidence of any cheating or anything sinister like that

I think for a lot of people the cons outweigh the pros I guess, but I’ll always wonder what if?

Despite saying he wants to try again, he hasnt done much to try again. We went out as a family last Thursday but that was suggested by me. Apart from that he’s not really done anything. He says he’s hurt as I did do a social services referral following our separation as I felt uncomfortable sending my daughter to his parents house after how controlling they were with me and how they’ve at times over stepped the mark when it came to her. The assessment concluded that there’s no evidence of current harm towards her. He says he’s finding it hard to move past the fact that I called social services for an assessment despite the fact I clarified I did this for peace of mind given my lived experiences from living there. But he says he wants to try again?

Edited

God no. That's too many things. Yanbu. He can still be in your daughter's life and have a loving relationship with her.

Boomer55 · 26/02/2026 08:49

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:38

In the process of figuring out if I should divorce my husband. But also not sure as to whether I’ll look back and regret it which made me wonder how many people actually do regret it?

No - not once in the 25 years since. I then had 23 years with my second husband, until he died.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/02/2026 08:53

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:48

We’ve been separated for six months and recently (about a week ago) he said he wanted us to try again even if there’s a 1% chance that things could be different this time around. But

  1. He’s awful with money to the point bailiffs have come to our house before
  2. His parents were controlling towards me and intervened in our marriage a lot and despite at one point seeing this, he now doesn’t see anything wrong with them and denies any controlling behaviour and minimises their wrongdoing
  3. He’s an avoidant when he’s called out on the above. He isn’t scared of intimacy but when he’s confronted about the above he says he feels suffocated and wants to shut the convo down or leave the room
  4. He finds it difficult to take accountability.

The reasons why I wonder if I’d regret divorce

  1. My daughter does love him and I’ll always wonder if we could’ve made it work for her
  2. He’s not a bad person, he had undiagnosed ADHD and autism until he met me and has had childhood trauma that he refuses to accept. He has learnt avoidant behaviours to survive but now he applies that to our marriage and sees everything as an attack
  3. Ive never seen evidence of any cheating or anything sinister like that

I think for a lot of people the cons outweigh the pros I guess, but I’ll always wonder what if?

Despite saying he wants to try again, he hasnt done much to try again. We went out as a family last Thursday but that was suggested by me. Apart from that he’s not really done anything. He says he’s hurt as I did do a social services referral following our separation as I felt uncomfortable sending my daughter to his parents house after how controlling they were with me and how they’ve at times over stepped the mark when it came to her. The assessment concluded that there’s no evidence of current harm towards her. He says he’s finding it hard to move past the fact that I called social services for an assessment despite the fact I clarified I did this for peace of mind given my lived experiences from living there. But he says he wants to try again?

Edited

Based on what you have written here id be continuing to divorce.

And I dont say that lightly....
The hard facts are He's financially incontinent and has done nothing meaningful to address fundamnetal underlying issues beyond "oooh please lets try" (ie if you stay it'll be more of the same)

BetterOffNow · 26/02/2026 08:54

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:38

In the process of figuring out if I should divorce my husband. But also not sure as to whether I’ll look back and regret it which made me wonder how many people actually do regret it?

Not for a second! If anything I wish I'd done it sooner!

ChikinLikin · 26/02/2026 08:56

I have never once regretted my divorce, and from what you say about your DH, I don't think you will either.
Just crack on with it. Your DD will be fine.

PashaMinaMio · 26/02/2026 08:57

user2466 · 26/02/2026 08:38

Interesting responses thank you. Seems as though the general consensus is the divorce was for the best

Speaking from personal experience …

Leopards do NOT change their spots!

Dont go back. Just don’t.

Sweetiedarling7 · 26/02/2026 08:59

Not at all but I very much regret ever getting married.
I have been married twice. No children.
Each time I have lost out financially because I brought more to the marriage by way of inheritance, salary and in the case of my second marriage he moved into the house I already owned.
Never again.
Marriage is a legal and financial contract and I wish I had this hammered home to me before I wafted down the aisle like love’s young dream.
It infuriates me that we have a no fault divorce law which enabled my lying, cheating abusive husbands to still be entitled to my money.
They broke the contract with their behaviour and yet I still had to pay up.

Thundertoast · 26/02/2026 09:03

Children love dogs that bite them. You would take the dog away.

Dont let this man or his family back into your child's life.

Ihaveoflate · 26/02/2026 09:07

I'm still married but I'm considering separation for reasons that seem far less insurmountable than the ones you've listed.

I personally could not go back to someone who had done nothing to address the underlying issues in the marriage and who was not willing to undergo therapy. My DH actually had an affair three years ago and I was willing to try reconciliation (with certain conditions being met - he's recently broken one), so I'm certainly not someone who takes separation lightly, but your husband sounds insufferable.

SoftOctoberNight · 26/02/2026 09:09

Oblivionnnnn · 25/02/2026 22:54

God no. I literally haven’t missed him for one single minute. I love my new life very very dearly.

How perfect. That’s how I feel too.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/02/2026 09:15

Outlawqueen · 25/02/2026 23:17

I sometimes question if I did the right thing leaving my ex husband. We didnt have kids (but had been actively trying for a long time and it wasn't happening). I think the stress of that affected me but I also struggled with his attitude towards life. He didn't ever want to do anything and I often felt really lonely in my marriage because I was always on my own if I ever wanted to get out or go anywhere. I even started to go on holidays myself. I figured I was young and this wasn't the life I wanted, particularly if we couldn't have kids. I could live with not being able to have kids with someone who would then travel and explore the world with me, but the thought of not being able to have them and then just spending our lives sitting at home pushed me over the edge.
I left and it broke him. I feel awful about that. Later I met someone else and we had kids but also travel and do fun things together. Sounds ideal but after having kids my partner's childhood trauma became apparent and certain other circumstances outwith our control happened that made life very difficult. I love my partner and he can be amazing but also hard to live and raise children with. Sometimes I think back to my ex-husband and his calmness, how he was my best friend (even if there wasn't much he intimacy and to be honest we weren't ever sexually compatible), and I wonder if I should have left him but I think the truth is, we should never actually have gotten married in the first place.

My read on this is you miss a calm and stress free life more than you actually regret the divorce.

I can relate as the last 5 years have brought more turbulence than I ever expected for many many reasons ...

Londontown12 · 26/02/2026 09:23

I think his excuse for alot of this is his ADHD and / autism but that's not an excuse it's called burying your head in the sand !.
I know these conditions make life hard for people but u learn to adapt and make things work for u !
His parents have probably been overbearing because there trying to help him because he is not helping himself so all round it's a him problem
Personally if he can't even acknowledge things u have outlined he isn't willing to change then no I'd leave this relationship the only way he will change is when he learns to stand on his own to feet he knows he can do an Uber job because his mum and dad bailing him out can you see what I mean if he had no ones help he may realise what he has to do for himself to change !!

BudgetBuster · 26/02/2026 09:29

user2466 · 25/02/2026 22:48

We’ve been separated for six months and recently (about a week ago) he said he wanted us to try again even if there’s a 1% chance that things could be different this time around. But

  1. He’s awful with money to the point bailiffs have come to our house before
  2. His parents were controlling towards me and intervened in our marriage a lot and despite at one point seeing this, he now doesn’t see anything wrong with them and denies any controlling behaviour and minimises their wrongdoing
  3. He’s an avoidant when he’s called out on the above. He isn’t scared of intimacy but when he’s confronted about the above he says he feels suffocated and wants to shut the convo down or leave the room
  4. He finds it difficult to take accountability.

The reasons why I wonder if I’d regret divorce

  1. My daughter does love him and I’ll always wonder if we could’ve made it work for her
  2. He’s not a bad person, he had undiagnosed ADHD and autism until he met me and has had childhood trauma that he refuses to accept. He has learnt avoidant behaviours to survive but now he applies that to our marriage and sees everything as an attack
  3. Ive never seen evidence of any cheating or anything sinister like that

I think for a lot of people the cons outweigh the pros I guess, but I’ll always wonder what if?

Despite saying he wants to try again, he hasnt done much to try again. We went out as a family last Thursday but that was suggested by me. Apart from that he’s not really done anything. He says he’s hurt as I did do a social services referral following our separation as I felt uncomfortable sending my daughter to his parents house after how controlling they were with me and how they’ve at times over stepped the mark when it came to her. The assessment concluded that there’s no evidence of current harm towards her. He says he’s finding it hard to move past the fact that I called social services for an assessment despite the fact I clarified I did this for peace of mind given my lived experiences from living there. But he says he wants to try again?

Edited

Are you already divorced, or just seperated?

Your reasons for separating far outweigh your reasons for staying.

You're daughter loves him, great. Let him continue that loving relationship in his house. There's no reason for you to be miserable for a child's happiness... she can have 2 happy parents separately.

No cheating etc - that's very kind of him. He's financially crushed you, allows his parents to be controlling, can't hold down a job but at least he hasn't cheated. Please don't set your bar so low!

Personally the biggest part for me is that if I ever felt I had to call social services on my partner / ex partner there would be no way back. If you don't trust him to parent, that's a huge issue.

Original poster
user2466 · 26/02/2026 09:57

Thank you. I carried most of the parenting load alone. After I had DD via c section the next day I got a text from our landlord saying rent hasn’t been paid and if it wasn’t paid in 30 days we’d need to leave. He borrowed it from his grandad and paid it but throughout my parenting experience there werrr multiple instances where things like this happened. I parented alone most of the time as he’d be working but because he was always playing catch up we never really saw the money.

I had reservations about his family as his mum smoked around me throughout my pregnancy, she vaped whilst I was being induced IN the hospital room, kept saying ‘I’m grandma now I’m returing you can take over things now’ but wouldn’t do much to help with DD. Wanted me to take her for the actual looking after her parts but also wanted to be ‘grandma’ and sit there with DD whilst I ‘took over’. My FIL said he didn’t believe DD had a dairy allergy and that I was lying because I didn’t want to BF. My mother in law would randomly come at like 7pm to see DD and wake her from her sleep and when she’d cry she’d say ‘we’d better go now’ despite me saying she’s sleeping and when I’d say that she’d say you shouldn’t follow a routine this much as it’ll be an issue for you later. My FIL posted DD’s photos online despite us voicing we don’t want them to be and when he was challenged about this he told us to F off.

They were my reasons for the social services referral partly. Alongside the fact that they tried to control my WhatsApp settings, how often I saw my family, what my husband and I spoke about in private, if we were allowed to have our own car( he shared with his mum when we moved in together) and they didn’t want us to have our own car. These were some of the issues. Although he once saw them and moved out with me due to them he now says it’s in my head

OP posts:
Original poster
user2466 · 26/02/2026 10:07

At least it’s reassuring to know DD will still be okay at the end of it

OP posts:
Outlawqueen · 26/02/2026 10:58

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/02/2026 09:15

My read on this is you miss a calm and stress free life more than you actually regret the divorce.

I can relate as the last 5 years have brought more turbulence than I ever expected for many many reasons ...

Show quote history

I think that's close but I think it's not so much that I miss a calm stress-free life and more that I actually miss having someone who was calm in the face of stress and adversity. My ex-husband was calm to the point of boring but that calmness remained when things got hard. Even our divorce was incredibly calm and easy. My current partner is much more fun, much more chaotic, but the highs that come with his personality also come with the inability to cope with stress and so he just shuts down. It does make me think back to my ex husband and think how much easier it was to face difficult times with him which makes me question my decision to leave, although really I know I made the right decision but for other reasons.

Janeaway · 26/02/2026 11:08

Blimey, OP you'd be mad to get back with financially incapable mummy's boy! Don't do it!
I'm another blissfully divorced - every day without him is a joy even though it's been 20 years now.

LoisLanyard · 26/02/2026 11:29

I don’t for a second regret getting divorced - my ex was financially reckless at times, emotionally abusive and made me feel like I was the problem. It took me a very long time to realise that I wasn’t the issue, and that he was not going to change. All that aside, I do feel sadness that I dont have a partner - online dating is rubbish but my ex wasn’t a partner, so it is more sadness over what I didn’t have than looking back with regret - a subtle difference!