Do you regret your divorce?

[user2466]

In the process of figuring out if I should divorce my husband. But also not sure as to whether I’ll look back and regret it which made me wonder how many people actually do regret it?

No. I regret that my kids got hurt. I regret that I took his stupid last name in the first place

Definitely not.... I just feel sorry for his new wife. Best thing I ever did getting a divorce

Not at all

Not read the thread.

fuck no.

i got loads of money because we were rich but he’d never let me have any control over anything except what I earnt myself (and I’m severely disabled) and he’d refused to fund speech therapy and various stuff our kids needed.

now my disabled child has access to the stuff she needs - physio, private appointments to sort out her autoimmune disease etc.

he’s married again and my son said he’d contemplated putting an anonymous note through her door warning her of what a shit he is but decided it wasn’t worth the hassle.

me and my dd left after he got drunk and hurt her and I called the police. If his new wife had bothered to do a police check on him she’d never have married him.

Sorry OP but I wouldn't get back with a man who is like this. You've done a very difficult thing by talking to him and separating, don't go back on it now.
I know people who've regretted divorcing, but they left because they were bored with the relationship and not much in love any more. They discovered after leaving that they still felt bored and disenchanted, but also lonely. They missed being part of the wider family and felt they had less access to their children too. And they realised that they were fonder of their spouse than they appreciated at the time.
This doesn't sound quite like your situation.

Gosh, no!

Well, he and DD1 went through a really rocky patch and he’s not learned anything at all from the divorce. She’s autistic and I strongly suspect so is he. They just butt heads. DD2…she’s an independent miss and very much her own person.

He was SHOCKED that he actually had to parent them on his weekends. That transition was hell.

They were 7 when we split, 9 by the time the divorce came through.

He’s actively involved in their lives, he’s just taken them away for a couple of nights in half term. He can cope much better with them now they’re teenagers, and now they have phones they can communicate with me independently.

It was totally the right decision, we were all miserable as sin, including DD1. I’m as tight as can be with the DC, even he has faded to an annoyance I have to tolerate for the next few years.

if you’re questioning whether it’s the right time to do it - I posted on here at the time asking how you knew your marriage was over and you should start to face the reality of divorcing. Someone replied to say if you were asking strangers on an internet forum, then it probably was. And they were right.

I have never regretted it for a single second.

I vividly remember how comfortable I felt in my own space once he wasn’t in it any more, the load that had been lifted.

My ex isn’t a bad person either. He is however a very emotionally damaged man who takes absolutely no responsibility for that and does absolutely nothing to change it. I mothered that man for over a decade, and have vowed never to put myself in that position again. Partner, not parent.

He is by nature, narcissistic. If you told him he’s not the centre of the universe, he would fall over with shock. He’s been raised to think he’s the apple of everyone’s eye.

We’ve both moved on, me with my fiancé and son, and him with his partner and her 2 kids. Good luck to them, I wouldn’t change how it worked out and I’m confident he wouldn’t either.

Please don't get back together for your DD. It will not benefit her to have a surface level "normal" family, which actually is massively dysfunctional. I spent a good part of my childhood with my DM wanting to divorce, to the point that I also eventually wished they'd just get on with it.

Having a miserable mum who doesn't prioritise her needs is not a good role model for your DD. In my case it actually drove me and my mum apart, I only really understood the burden she was carrying post divorce because dad would avoid the truth.

Also, divorce did eventually happen, but way later in life than it should have. And I kind of became responsible for my parents. At least exDH has his parents for support currently. He sounds a lot like my DF, who was alone by the time they did divorce and basically fell off the rails.