Do you regret your divorce?

[user2466]

In the process of figuring out if I should divorce my husband. But also not sure as to whether I’ll look back and regret it which made me wonder how many people actually do regret it?

No...After 16 years....I wish I'd done it sooner...Or better still never married him.

Not at all.

Just one time,I was thinking back to how much in love we'd were in the beginning, how easy & great our life was & how happy we'd been before it went tits up. I did wonder if I'd made a mistake and if I'd stuck it out a bit longer whether we'd have been able to work through our differences and become strong again.
Then I thought about all the crappy things he did and what finally tipped me over the edge, he was never going to change & I know I did the right thing.

The man I'm married to now is amazing, he's not perfect & nor am I but we pull together as a team on every problem that occurs and it just works.

I miss my cleaner more than I miss my ex-husband.

It's a relief not to have him in my life in the same way any more. It's like having an extra child. The DC and I are much MUCH happier and my life is richer in every which way.

God no, it’s the best decision I ever made. For both of us as it happens.

Nope.

@LongGinShortTonichow is DC relationship with him now? How old were they when you divorced?

@chattyness glad you found someone more compatible with you. Can I ask where it went wrong with your ex husband?

@LoisLanyard very relatable. Was it your decision?

Hell no. And I've never spoken to anyone who did. Your reasons sound entirely valid to me. Focus on how you've felt the past 6 months. You didn't split up for no reason. It doesn't sound as though he's changed at all.

Yes. Its been 5 years.. unbeknownst to me, I had undiagnosed Autism and Adhd, and I simply couldn't cope. At the time, I thought it was all his fault, when really I struggled with conflict, my emotions, making huge issues which could have easily been resolved. I also spent alot of time dopermine seeking, which caused me to act out. Now, im diagnosed, I look back on the destruction I caused.

@Lolarose999 when you say dopamine seeking do you mean cheating? What did it feel like for you in those moments? Suffocating?

My exH, who I am very, very glad I left (and wish I'd never married) would have done anything to keep our marriage together. He wasn't capable of a lot of things that needed changing, but he was desperate for me to stay.

I'm still glad I left but if I had had any qualms about leaving, that level of devotion might have swayed me. @user2466, it doesn't sound to me as if he if prepared to put the work in. What has he actually done, other than say he wants to try again, to ACTUALLY try? It sounds to me like he's done nothing. Actions speak louder than words.

No, not cheating. Reckless spending, basically anything to give me a temporary high, that almost always followed a huge crash.
I felt unheard and not seen, which wasnt fair, I think he tried his best.
It was me that ended the relationship on one of my many crash outs, and when I finally came out of it, he just couldn't come back from it.

Its a guilt I live with, but he seems happy now, even if its not the case for me.

If anything, im glad it happened, as it made me see the GP and start the referral process and the difference between then and now is huge.

@Lolarose999hes like this. He spends impulsively and buys shit he doesn’t need tbh. In some ways I feel so bad for him because his needs were clearly neglected as a child so he learnt to silence himself and in doing so he put up walls to cope and now struggles with any conflict. His parents are quite critical especially his dad. His mum plays the victim more so. On top of that the undiagnosed ADHD and autism. When I mentioned to his mum that I think he’s autistic she said ‘he was fine until he got married’. His family look down on ADHD and autism so he struggled to accept there’s something wrong with him for a while. Eventually he accepted it but he never wanted to take the strategies on board which would’ve helped him cope on a day to day basis. Almost always saw everything as an attack and felt suffocated by conversation. He did have periods where he tried to communicate and ironically those periods coincided with when we were NC with his family. Since he made contact with them again our relationship took a hit yet again and he started drowning further in his debt.

Absolutely not. I regret the marriage.

I can relate to this, I was always labelled the problem because I couldn't take criticism or even a conversation that was even slightly negative. It would always end up with me absolutely going over the top because I couldn't regulate myself.
The smallest thing would end up with me being upset or angry, it was a really tough time.
I do think family could be making his problems worse. For example, when I decided to take a step back from my mum, my outbursts were definitely less severe, so there was definitely triggers for me.

@ClawsandEffect Nope not really by actions. We only decided to try again Monday last week, but he said he needed time as he was still trying to process the social services referral and he said he can’t just rush back into things. He said we should continue to live separately whilst we work towards moving back in together but this was making me anxious as there was no plan, no direction and when I’d mention timescales he found it suffocating. He said ‘you haven’t changed’ because my anxiety got the better of me but he also doesn’t help because he avoids everything unless it’s on his terms

There were so many things and little by little I just began to realise that he just wasn't in my corner & he didn't value me really. He was self centred, controlling, tight with money and he drank too much.The final straw for me was one NYE when the kids were little & he left me to look after them alone when I was really ill, so he could go out on the piss. The penny dropped he just didn't care about me, I needed looking after and so did the kids but oh no, it was NYE and he needed a boozy pub crawl more.

@chattyness did he fight to try and keep you or was he okay with you two walking away from each other?

Yes he did a little bit & he had a large extended family putting pressure on me too but I stood my ground and I'm glad I did.

I was not married but had 2 children with my ex partner. He had/has so many of the same issues you are describing. Money/jobs/controling parents & no spine to stand up to them. We have been separated 12 years or more. We split and I have never looked back. Yes I felt guilty for my children, but their lives are much better seeing their dad once a week than when he lived with them. Ex still lives with his parents and is still a shambles of a man with the exact same issues as when we split. I moved on, live a very comfortable, happy life with my now husband and children. My husband is a fantastic father to all of the children, both the ones I had with my ex and our joint. Sometimes you absolutely need to walk away and not look back!!

i got to the point of exhaustion with my ex also possible adhd. Money, jobs, cars it was a constant cycle of impossible. He still does it now but his gf manages him more than I wanted to. He isn’t my child we had them too. There can be a lonely side when newly single but it has all worked out for me. Life has never felt so calm and my dp is the opposite of my ex in every way thankfully. I do feel sadness it couldn’t work but I know it wasn’t meant to.

Never for a single second.

Him not seeing any wrong in his parents behaviour would be enough for me to start divorce proceedings!