Leaving new job

[NameHasChanged1]

I recently started a new job because it pays better, but I worry I’ve made a mistake. In my previous role I only had to go into the office 1 day a week. This new job was advertised as “hybrid” and I assumed that would mean maybe 2 days in the office (my bad didn’t discuss during the interview, but 1or 2 days is standard for this type of companies). The reality is very different:

• Week 1: 3 days in the office
• Week 2: 3 days
• Week 3: 4 days
• Week 4: 5 days

On the days I’m in the office I’m out of the house for around 11 hours door to door. I have a child and I just can’t be away from them that much, it feels completely unsustainable.

Im married to a useless man, marriage is breaking down. My husband has his own business but doesn’t contribute financially to the household at all, he sometimes even asks me for money for his business. At the same time he expects me to do everything at home.

I have no savings and no family around to help, which makes everything feel even more stressful.

Financially I do need to work, but I don’t know how I can keep this up long-term. I’m also worried that as I’ve just started, I have very little flexibility to ask for reduced days or changes.

I’m honestly inclined to just give up and start looking for something remote or with just 1 day in the office again. For context, I’m an accounting professional currently on £50k.

I feel really stuck and overwhelmed right now and would really appreciate any advice. I don’t know what to do! My body says No to this job and No to this man. I want to start fresh with my child 😭 I should’ve left my husband, not my job which I really loved!

You “assumed” rather than clarified before accepting the role? No where stipulated in your contract?

You can make flexible working requests from day 1. I suggest you do this whilst looking for other roles. Could you go back to your old job?

Contract says hybrid. It’s my fault, I know!

Will the days in the office reduce when you are fully trained? When you are learning the hours are often longer

Not sure what to say that you haven’t already said yourself, you know you should have clarified the days in the office at interview, more and more companies are now insisting staff be in the office more.

So if your fault
then it’s not the job for you
next job - because so important to you, clarify before accepting

Husband won’t let me leave. He pushed me to get this job as pays better than the old one.

Am sorry your H is rubbish. Your personal earning ability is therefore really important

Who is deciding what days you’re in the office?

Would work to make a good start in the job. if your manager has been OK so far would speak to them about their expectations and seek to arrange a more predictable work arrangement at 3 days per week.

What a difficult situation! Sending you a hug.
In your shoes,
a) I’d look for childcare for a bit, until it’s clear it won’t get more flexible, and
b) separate from partner asap and if child is younger move closer to your job
Good luck x

Have you had a chat with your line manager and asked if there is any flexibility, either on days in the office or being able to go home and then work once your daughter is in bed? It’s always work asking.

But yes if the new job isn’t working for you YANBU to find something else. Definitely find the new job before you resign.

The reality is that any demanding job isn’t going to be tricky with your home situation. Have you got a plan to leave? Would it be worth trying to find a job near family and friends? Can you get some more help with childcare or at home? I think you should be focussing on that as much as the work. And at the very least build up some savings for legal advice/ rent etc.

Hi @NameHasChanged1
My suggestion is you speak to HR about your home responsibilities and how you need to work predominantly from home. Ask if any flexibility (if this is the only issue with the new role).

If you don't feel the role itself with the company will ever be the right fit, start job hunting and say nothing to them or your partner as they don't seem supportive. Won't let you" leave? That doesn't seem like an equal or loving partner. You dont need a financial leech. Get your ducks in a row...

Best of luck
X

What do you mean he won’t “let”
you leave? It’s not his decision.

I'm sorry? WONT LET YOU?

I suggest that you concentrate on leaving your husband ASAP.

Re the job, the employer advertised it as hybrid, its hybrid.

Have a chat to HR but if they won't make changes (and they dont have to) you need a new job...check the required office attendance days before accepting new job

Can you go back to your old job?

Have you actually spoken to a manager at work about the hybrid description? As someone else said, is it likely once you have been there for longer you will be able to work from home more often?

The husband is a desperate issue and I would be looking at ways to leave (which are likely to depend on having a job and finances to do so, so I wouldn't quit without something to go to).

We need more info from Op. Has her DH said we can't financially afford for you to stop working, you need to find another job before you leave this one? Because that's reasonable. If he's told her she can't look for another more suitable job that's unreasonable.

He thinks this job is perfect as pays more than the previous one, completely disregarding how I feel about the long hours away from home.

Office days are the same for everyone in the team part from the manager

Ask them about days wfh. If they’re not as flexible as you’d like, start looking for a new job that is more wfh. Everyone makes mistakes, don’t worry. You can fix it! Good luck x

Everyone in the team is older and has adult children. Despite this, all of the half terms are already fully booked to the maximum number of people allowed to be off at any one time.

Even folk with grown up kids like sometime over Easter etc off so I think you are BU here. I cannot fathom why you wouldnt have clarified the days if it was so important to your work life. It really is on you.

Well yes, but it’s not him doing the job so it’s not for him to decide is it? And he can’t stop you resigning if that’s what you want to do (personally I’d find something new first but that’s your decision). How much of your money is he taking off you? Does your salary go into a joint account?

I think you might need to sort things out at home first though- do you think you’re in a controlling relationship? It sounds to me like it could be coercive control or financial abuse but it’s really difficult to tell with so little information.

Well they must have their reasons. An odd point to make to be honest.

Leave the job.
Leave the husband
👍

As your marriage seems broken and unsupportive, I think the priority should be getting to a sustainable point where you could manage life without it.

It sounds like financially you don’t need him, but as he’s useless, you’d need flexibility to manage your child in the event of a separation.

I would look for a new job that offers flexibility now. There’s no shame in some jobs not working out. Then, once you have another job, you’ll be in the position to review if you separate and find happiness.

Theres a lot of detail missing from this thread. Why isn’t he contributing financially? Why is he useless (and getting away with it)? Why is he telling you what job you need and why are you listening to him?

Look for another job today. This one doesn’t meet your needs. Get a new job started and then start researching leaving your “D” H