Leaving new job

[NameHasChanged1]

I recently started a new job because it pays better, but I worry I’ve made a mistake. In my previous role I only had to go into the office 1 day a week. This new job was advertised as “hybrid” and I assumed that would mean maybe 2 days in the office (my bad didn’t discuss during the interview, but 1or 2 days is standard for this type of companies). The reality is very different:

• Week 1: 3 days in the office
• Week 2: 3 days
• Week 3: 4 days
• Week 4: 5 days

On the days I’m in the office I’m out of the house for around 11 hours door to door. I have a child and I just can’t be away from them that much, it feels completely unsustainable.

Im married to a useless man, marriage is breaking down. My husband has his own business but doesn’t contribute financially to the household at all, he sometimes even asks me for money for his business. At the same time he expects me to do everything at home.

I have no savings and no family around to help, which makes everything feel even more stressful.

Financially I do need to work, but I don’t know how I can keep this up long-term. I’m also worried that as I’ve just started, I have very little flexibility to ask for reduced days or changes.

I’m honestly inclined to just give up and start looking for something remote or with just 1 day in the office again. For context, I’m an accounting professional currently on £50k.

I feel really stuck and overwhelmed right now and would really appreciate any advice. I don’t know what to do! My body says No to this job and No to this man. I want to start fresh with my child 😭 I should’ve left my husband, not my job which I really loved!

Of course, I totally respect that. It was more about me feeling sad that I won’t be able to have some time off with my kids when they are off school.

How is it an odd point? Parents need to take annual leave primarily in school holidays to care for their children. Childless people or those with adult children can go any time of the year, usually much more cheaply too. Of course a parent with young children would expect to take school holidays off!

They won’t be taking half term holidays to spite the Op.

They are taking half term holidays maybe to help their adult children with childcare or… they want to accompany their adult children and their families on holiday or it just damn well suits them

Ever?

I don’t have children so never look when half term is. I book annual leave when I feel like it/need it for various things so if that’s half term, it is what it is

exactly

I do have children but never ever expected to get school holidays just because that’s when I wanted them ideally

Yes, they might want to take school holidays off, but everyone has an equal right to book the holidays they want.

What level are you at and where abouts are you based (country/city)
I'm wondering if that's a good wage for your role or if maybe you might have lost some confidence and taken a bit of a crap role

If you could go back to your old job would you? Did you leave on good terms?
I’ve known people who left and after a few weeks asked to come back, is that an option?
swallow your pride and contact your old manager and say you have made a mistake. They might not have filled your old position.

H can’t stop you leaving.

Left my old job on excellent terms they are still recruiting for my role as far as I known

Don't be so ridiculous. If you're intelligent enough to earn £50k, you're intelligent enough to know that nobody can control whether you work or not. Your husband may be a dick but you need to own your own mistakes. You're also intelligent enough to know that just leaving your job is a stupid idea. By all means start looking for a more suitable job but just leaving without a job to go to is crazy (and irresponsible) in this climate. You have a child to support, how are you going to do that when you are not earning?

With regard to hybrid, you should always ask but that ship has sailed on this job. Research shows that hybrid is on average 3 days in work/2 days at home. That's an average so you may find roles that offer more but don't bank on there being many.

In that case you've nothing to lose by approaching them and asking if you could go back. Your husband can't stop you.

Please approach your old manager and check. You have nothing to lose. Flex is priceless when kids are young.

ignore the husband and start planning to leave him - maybe not now until the job situation settles.

how old is your child?

Why did you leave? Just for extra money? How much extra?

Here's what you do, step by step

1. ask your new job is there is flexibility on wfh arrangements, explain care situation.
2. if the response is negative, contact your old job and see if they'll have you back.
3. make practical plans to leave your husband.

What your husband will or won't let you do is irrelevant. You are leaving him and he has no say. Your focus should be on creating a sustainable life for you and your child.

We all mess up once in a while, don't beat yourself up or dwell on it. Just focus on how you fix it.

Whoa! Put in a flexible working request for 2 days in office before you decide what to do. Good luck!

I’m be just been in touch with my old employer but unfortunately they made an offer to someone on Monday!

Not the end of the world. For various reasons it may still not land. Meanwhile progress on your new employer (flex request) and let the old ones know your are interested in the same/new vacancies.

Needs of the business

You are employed to work not be with your child

You should have checked everything before accepting a new job

So your contract says “hybrid” but doesn’t clarify how many days wfh? If that’s the case, put your own plan in place and start working from home more. Are they checking how many days you go in the office?

Speak to manager and say the job is advertised as hybrid so how do they see it working? Once you get more established in the role and systems next month then just work at home.

stop giving your husband money for his business. As he’s self employed he will try and claim half of everything that is yours including pension so speak to a financial expert and see if your contributions to business count for something.

If distance from home is the only reason that makes this new job unwanted and you want to start afresh without your partner, would you be able to maybe just end things, move closer to the place of work with the child in a new nursery/ school? And in the meantime make some childcare arrangements that would suit you and your child?

They can expect, but they do not have the right to have it off over others.

You cannot expect childless or those with older children not to have time off during the school holidays if needed.

I think you should seek some legal advice - do not let your husband know about the meeting.

I would concerned that if you are the much higher earner and you have a pattern of paying all the bills and giving him money that you have created a “reasonable expectation” that could lead to needing to pay him spousal support. Assuming you are in England & Wales, it is absolutely possible for the higher-earning spouse to be ordered to pay spousal maintenance, even if they are the primary parent in a custody agreement.

The court treats spousal maintenance and child arrangements as legally separate issues. Get advice if things are going down the tubes. Stop giving him money and put it into an account with just your name on it or your pension might be a safer place for it (no guarantees).