To go on the jab for my 7 year old

[Wheredidallthetimego]

My Dd turns 8 in the summer. She’s very sweet, but has recently stopped wanting to hold my hand when we’re out and says she feels like she feels embarrassed by me and that she feels like i’m fat but i’m not. She says this quietly and says sorry afterwards. It makes me feel really shit, but I don’t let her know/see this. I have talked to her lots about how it doesn’t matter what a person looks like, but it’s how they are/what’s inside that counts etc, but she still seems to focus on looks a little. The other day she said it was embarrassing as I was wearing ballet flat’s with jeans and how why don’t I want to wear dresses in summer etc.
I’m a size 16-18 and wasn’t back in the day and know I need to lose weight. I would like to do it for myself first and foremost, but this idea that she could be embarrassed/ashamed of me just cuts through me 😔
She was never like this before or even noticed how I looked, is this normal at her age?

It’s not as if I’m huge, slimmer than a fair few others, it’s strange

In my day that child would have been told they were being ‘cheeky fond’

Its not summer either - is this even real?

What?

I think it is important where kids are getting their influence from.
Too many kids watch unsuitable online content, some kids mix with the wrong friends, if a parent is aware of who or what is influencing them, they can do something about it.
Obviously instilling strong values, sense of self worth, etc, is important, and that's mostly down to the parents, but seven year olds are very impressionable to outside influences too.

I guess so. I agree about online influences but I just don't think you can police interactions at school and making judgments about the "wrong friends" is a bit problematic anyway. I think you're better focussing on critical thinking and assertiveness, and hopefully that way your child can draw their own conclusions, challenge problematic assertions at school and be a positive influence.

It’s unusual to be effectively in an 18 and bmi 28, it must be lack of muscle.

again for me, punishing children, guilt tripping them is just shitty parenting in this context and is driven by the hurt associated with the word fat. I don’t really get it, if you’re fat you’re fat, I was fat, as much as I didn’t like or wish to be told it, I had no desire to punish anyone, never mind my own young child for pointing it out. They have eyes in their head. Silencing them by fear is not the way forward.

I am no going down the Katie Hopkins route of looking down on kids and their families because they have the wrong name or live in a poorer area, 😉
but I do think the children an impressionable child hangs around with has a huge impact on their behaviour.
For a seven year old to suddenly find their mum embarrassing, commenting on her weight, and making mum feel concerned enough to write a thread here about it, it's more than being a bit cheeky, it's cruel, and this little girl, who feels bad after saying these things, is obviously not a naturally spiteful little girl.

I said 16-18

Hmm ok are you maybe in denial a bit, a 16 to an 18 means you must wear and 18 at times. I did too, it’s fine. But few people are a bmi 28 at that size, so possibly your weight is heavier than you think or you lack muscle tone.

I feel you’re offended, and yet it’s a factual discussion.

My BMI is 28.7 and on Saturday I bought a pair of size 16 jeans from Next, and a pair of size 14 work trousers from Mint Velvet. So totally possible....amazingly people have different bodies!

I feel you're over invested in another woman's BMI. I am not sure what your agenda is but the whole point is that harping on about another person's weight and attaching value judgments to it is RUDE. You don't think the OP's DD should be told this, whereas I think perhaps you are living proof that it does sometimes need pointing out.

Exactly that’s my point, being a 14-16 is what I’d expect, the op is up to an 18 and her bmi is only 28.

Argh, sorry I meant a size 18 from Mint Velvet (they were XL which is an 18 there), I really shouldn't be allowed to type! Anyway I am apple shaped, big tummy with thin legs and arms. I am going to stop now, it really doesn't matter to this conversation at all!

I was your size op...my DC never said anything or mentioned being embarrassed. You're hardly beyond the realms of average...I am on the jabs by the way but for me, not anyone else. If you want to do it, do it for you.

Ffs! Ate you ok? I’m not in denial about anything, I think i’d post my true size on an anonymous forum, especially with everything else I’ve opened up about. My bmi is 28, recently I’ve had to be 18 in some jeans/trousers, whereas I can sometimes be a 14 on top, I have weight around mu waist and tum at present, ok?
Is there a reason you’re trying to make me out to be fatter than I am? I already feel pretty shit at present without having this pushed on me

Exactly!

Right?! So odd

I don’t think it is unusual. I said this earlier in the thread but height and body type play a huge role. I was only a size 20 at my heaviest despite my BMI being almost 40. I’m tall-ish for a woman and an hourglass so all weight is pretty evenly distributed. The smallest dress size I can get to is a 10 because I naturally have hips and thighs and I’m not short. Everyone is different.

OP, I think you should only lose weight if you want to. Doing anything like this for someone else doesn’t work, you have to really want it.

Well, there's nothing wrong with using weight loss injections if you want to, but it should be for yourself.

I think it's really unusual for a dc that age to be so focused on physical appearance but also so lacking in empathy as to voice it. I think you have some unpicking to do there. Is anyone making comments to her about your fashion choices and look? Maybe bullying you don't know about?

Is your dd seeing anyone else put you down in this way? Does a partner criticize you, or do you criticize yourself? It just seems like this wouldn't have come from no where.

I think I'd be taking doing some investigating, while also having a hard line that it isn't ok to comment on people's appearance, and making sure she has the feedback that it's hurtful, to help her connect her behaviour with her impact on others.

Even if you could magically lose weight, it's unlikely to solve this. There'll always be something to pick on about another person.

No that’s not where I am going, as at 28 bmi you’re not fat, just a bit overweight, so if that’s the case then there is more behind this, there is likely a stone or a stone and a half between your weight now and a healthy weight, and few kids can differentiate. As such it’s not about your weight. She also seems focused on how you dress, so something is behind this, I know you think nothing at school and the girls are lovely but that’s the normal place it comes from,

It’s definitely not at school, the kids have barely seen me and I just dress in a v boring, normal way-jeans, leggings, fleece, Adidas trainers etc, sometimes smarter for work

I am too overweight though but not obese etc

Yeah but you’re not fat, that’s why I was confirming, most kids wouldn’t notice this, it’s minor, so if it’s not school then something is giving her this idea, where she wants you to look and dress a certain way. And I don’t mean comments about yoh at school, more comments about women, their weight, how they dress.

as said mine did it at about 11, where they became focused on the mums, ranking them in terms of who was prettiest, coolest, best dressed etc, it could even be someone said something complimentary about another mum and she wants you to look like that, so she gets compliments too,

I guess the sizing thing depends on where you shop. We are so used to vanity sizing that we have lost touch with what a traditional size 12 is.
For those saying the dd must be being influence by friends / social media that is not necessarily the case. I remember feeling embarrassed by my large bellied father coming to pick me up from school when I was about 7, not one told me to be. And that was decades ago.
Back to the OP, even very obese people can look amazing with the well cut clothes. I wonder whether you have slipped into a not feeling great about your body, wearing baggy fleeces to cover it up mode. Might be worth treating yourself to a few pieces of clothing that make you feel special. Your DD will pick up on that confidence.

I dont get this obsession with clothes sizes and weight.
I am 5'8''...I will buy clothes ranging from a 12 to18, depending on how I want to wear them and which shop I am buying from...sizes vary so much, and different body shapes will also affect weight.

It's sad that the OP is asking about weight jabs, prompted by the remarks of her daughter.
That to me would be the issue, not a few extra pounds.