I know I’m being unreasonable but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting

[Givenup2026]

So I have basically no relationship with my SIL. It’s a mix of neither of putting any effort, and that she’s made a couple of comments about how we spend our money.

It’s not exclusive to me either, she barely talks to her own brother.

However, the other day she wrote a big post about congratulating her “great friend “ (my DHs ex) on her birthday.

I know they were once close, but I also know they don’t really see each other anymore (as per my DSC).

I know she has every single right to do it, but it definitely felt a bit “tactless” from my POV, but I also know I genuinely have no reason to complain.

Could you not work this out for yourself when you started seeing posts that you didn't want to see?

It's not rocket science.

I know it’s not rocket science, but at the same time, I didn’t know if I was making it a bit of a bigger deal than what it was.

I had a similar situation with my BILs partner, when she posted a very old photo one Christmas (with my DHs ex) and how she hoped things were like in the past. My DH agreed that was extremely inappropriate.

Those dots being…?

Maybe she just liked the ex more and became friends with her. Not saying OP isn’t lovely and doesn’t deserve effort but it’s not a crime to keep friends even when they break up with your relatives

Why is it tactless? It’s not her fault you married her friend’s ex husband.

Why would she have to stop being best friends with her brother’s ex though? That’s ridiculous.

Ignore. Move on. Life's too short.

Well the OP has gone on to say that the sister and ex hardly see each other so are they really best friends? If they hardly see each other, why is she declaring it publicly on Facebook? Weird if you ask me. Seems she’s making a big show for someone and it’s probably not the ex.

Just “acquaitance” her on facebook or come off it completely, it’s a pile of 💩

Probably because second hand information via a child is unreliable?

They must be better friends than you think.

Noone is going to call an old acquaintance "a great friend" if they never see them.

What sort of nonsense have I just read here?! My DH is still good friends with his ex wife my SIL is also close to her. Doesn’t piss me off and definitely doesn’t mean he’s sleeping with her 😂

Is it though? If the op is confident in it, that’s all we can go off isnt it.

It was clearly a joke.

People are connected in loads of ways. We aren’t two dimensional, existing only in specific relationship situations. The ex was a whole person, and the SiL is a whole person, and their relationship to you and your husband is a really small part of who they are.

It isn’t an insult to you that they liked the ex better. It isn’t an insult to you that they don’t like your car.

You have to detach a bit. They may well have nothing at all in common with you, have totally different values and preferences. And that’s ok. They just happen to be related to/ know your husband. It just is.

I think it’s human nature to want people to like us and agree with us, even when we don’t like them or approve of them 😅. We want the people who are important to our partners to value us too. But they might not. And that’s ok. It’s allowed.

Can you imagine the other way around? Your brother goes through a string of girlfriends, and the one that sticks is one that you have nothing in common with? It happens.

I mean the eldest one is 18 and the other one is 13…

that’s what they’ve been saying that they rarely see their auntie.

Plus she wasn’t invited to their DMs wedding, surely if they’re such good friends that wouldn’t be an issue?

You are hurt because your Sil valued your husbands ex and wanted her friendship.

She does not seek friendship with you.

On a human level it’s fine to have your feelings, but they are your feelings and not the problem of others.

That’s absolutely spot on. I genuinely know we have little to nothing in common, and we’re virtually strangers. Which is ok, like I’ve said it’s not like I’ve made an effort, and I know (as my DH has told me multiple times) that his ex wife did.

I never go to see my MIL (she lives 8 hours away and would have to take AL for the pleasure).

I know we’re from like completely different worlds and that’s ok.

it just felt like a reminder that I don’t “fit in” with my in-laws.

There’s a real issue, I think, now that we all live apart. Back in the day, you had family that you didn’t know and it didn’t matter because you know nothing about them anyway.
Now, we don’t know them because they live hours away, yet we get news about them all the time through social media and messaging. So we sort of know them.

i guess so yeah. I mean I would never hear about anything she does directly from her.