Have you ever had a friend that you just never heard from again?

[BeBusyBird]

No big fallout. No dramatic ending. Just one day they stopped reaching out, didn’t respond to your calls/texts and that was it. Did you ever find out why? Did you try to reconnect or did you let it go?

That is so sad

Sadly a lot of us don’t have family we are low or no contact.

Yep, an old friend dating right back to primary school days. She was a bit of a strange girl, an only child and - looking back - a bit of a self-absorbed brat. She was never my best friend, but I'd say she was always in my top 3-5 mates. Interestingly, she never quite seemed to get to the top of anyone's "best friend" list, and I suspect that didn't sit very well.

We were friends all through school, sixth form, and stayed in touch throughout our (separate) uni years.

Then summer of 2007, we met up for a couple of drinks in a local pub, all went well, we parted on good terms, with promises to see each other again soon.

And I never saw her again. (Not strictly true, I saw her at a school reunion in about 2012, we had an awkward hug, she called me by the slightly offensive nickname she made up for me when we were teenagers, and then she avoided me the rest of the night).

According to my sources, she's alive and well, and still living/working reasonably locally.

I've genuinely no idea what happened between us.

Yes. To this day I'll never know why. She'd got form though, dropped friends in the past for no reason. Absolutely nothing had happened between us, no beef, no messages, calls, tiffs, nothing. She just stopped. I didn't chase it up. If people want you in their life, they don't walk away from you.

I heard a story years ago (on here I think) where this happened to someone, friend dropped her, no reason. A year or so later it transpired the 'friend' had a dream her husband was sleeping with the woman, and that's why she stopped talking to her! A dream for crying out loud!!!! Mad 😆

Yes, we met through a mutual friend and hit it off and were part of a cool little gang for about 6 years. Then we were arranging an event and I found her absolutely enraging through the process - she felt the same about me.

I’ve had an extremely similar experience also moved away 20 years ago. When I last went home to my home town she said she wasn’t free so we did other things then made us visit her again later in the weeks holiday all fine but twenty minutes in just had to go out and we had to leave. All very strange and upsetting.

will see me if I go home on her terms only. Without understanding it’s my home town and I’m allowed to go there whenever I want to
. I’m 7nsure Hoe it would be if I lived there.

Ugh this is the worst. Never even attempt this, shitting or otherwise. Fade away and let your former friend think you’re the asshole. It’s the only kind thing to do.

I’ve had it happen too—albeit trying to hedge bets with an ‘it’s not you, it’s me’—and I cannot stand the idea that it’s somehow virtuous to be honest in that situation. There’s simply no sugarcoating available whatsoever – since you can have an infinite number of acquaintances, no matter what you say the message can only be ‘I’d rather know nobody at all rather than keep up with you’.

She hasn’t. She worked in the same place as my husband.

I have been the ghoster - I’m not proud of it but the alternatives were either continuing to tolerate selfish behaviour, or having to tell the person why I didn’t want to continue the friendship, which would have caused massive drama.

My reasons: conversations were lengthy monologues about her job/failed marriage/perceived ill-health/failed friendships. It was absolutely draining - even my baby used to cry when ex-friend was talking for too long. The final straw was when one of my DC was very ill and she couldn’t have been less interested.

Yep it was heartbreaking.
Friends for several intense years while we both fought different illnesses. I helped her financially and did most of the travelling to visit.
She waa my moh
I realised I was doing all the phoning, (before these social media days), and she complained she never had a chance to ring me as 'you always call me first'. 1 weekly.
So I never rang. And neither did she.

Took me years to get over.

Yes when I gave up a hobby two good friends dropped me and were obviously only ever interested in me for help with the shared hobby.

After listening to one friend moan endlessly about her husband for 30 years, mine got ill and I needed to talk about it and she dropped me.

Another one I found out had serial form for dropping contact as soon as anyone got close to her and thought she was a friend. She was adopted and had history of being rejected by her birth parents who by then had her full brothers and sisters, it was very sad how it had affected her.

Others pick me up when they've no grandparents duties then drop me when they do.

Just remembered about a girl I worked with. We were great friends, and she left to have a baby. We stayed in regular touch for a couple of years. One day she met me outside work and we went to the pub for a sandwich. Nothing different, had a lot of laughs, talked about the same usual things. As we left we said goodbye, and I knew in that moment something had shifted. She went to her car, I walked back to work. I knew we'd never speak again but I didn't know why. That was about 16/17 years ago. Never seen her since & neither of us tried to contact the other. She's on Facebook, so I know she's OK.

Twice for me.

my best friend of 15 years suddenly ghosted me when my dd had a mental health crisis and tried to take her own life. She was only 11. Covid times. I told my friend and she had a long talk with me then promised to check in the next day. Never heard from her again. The few times I have bumped into her she acts very normal, says hi, asks how I’ve been. She’s never once asked how my dd is six years later.

my best friend since high school dropped me when I left my exh. Just totally ghosted me. Walked straight past me in the street. Then invited my horrible exh to her wedding. Cut like a knife. I’ve never found out why but I suspect exh dropped his poison (like he had with nearly everyone). I never ever expected her to turn against me when I needed her most. She probably feels a bit of a silly sausage now that exh third marriage has resulted in yet another abuse allegation against him

A friend from university who became very unwell mentally around age 30. She lost her job and moved to another city to be nearer family (not where she'd grown up). We heard she'd had a baby but the father's family were looking after it as she wasn't well enough.
Nearly 30 years ago and I still think about her. Her surname was/is unusual but can't find trace of her anywhere.

Yes, a long term friend. Well I found out what was going on in her life and I know she was/is ashamed of it and can't bring herself to tell people. Basically her husband had left her and then married someone else and had a child with the new wife. Then a couple of years later he divorced the new woman and got back together with my friend.

@MusicMakesItAllBetter she may have said ‘at least you turned up’ but it’s not the same as being late for drinks in the pub and probably hurt much more than she let on at a very emotional time. When my dad died I was ignored by someone I thought was a very good friend and I think these apparently casual acts in response to something so important and sad really hurt. I have ADHD and struggle with time and sequencing/planning so I do get it but there is nothing laughable about being late to her parent’s funeral and you can’t expect people to accommodate your challenges. I expect the funeral lateness was the reason tbh.

I did drop a friend once, actually. I realised after a while that after a decade of friendship (through our kids) that in that time I'd never had a birthday card (I sent them to her) and only got a Christmas card if I'd sent one first. I supported her in the loss if her partner too. She never contacted me first to suggest a meet up, day trip, or just check in with me. I got to realise that she didn't view me in the same way I viewed her. So I stopped messaging, just to see what would happen. She never bothered contacting me, so that was that. I'm not running after anyone if I don't matter to them. Cut them loose!

It is so hurtful. A few friends have drifted away, and that's normal, but I don't know why my best friend stopped talking to me after 30 years. Our mums still hang out so she hears all my news and I hear hers. She knows that last year was hellish for me, with deaths and illness and job losses in the family, but she still didn't say anything. I don't know why someone would be like that.

I had this happen last year, she then reached out in December asking if I’d like to go out for our usual Christmas meal which I did. It turned out she’d had a really bad time with her mental health.
After meeting up in January and seeming back to her usual self she’s gone AWOL again so I’m now not expecting to see her until Christmas.
I have done it to a friend after she started sitting on a man’s lap and snogging him on a night out and she ditched me, we were miles away from where I lived and I didn’t know anyone at the do we were at. We were very good friends and also went out with our DH’s as a foursome.
I did bump into her three years later and now we’re at the same gym and are friendly to each other but not friends.

Yes, my best friend. We'd been so close for years and I supported her through a lot. DH and I went to her house for the weekend and had a lovely time. No arguments, nothing.

She stopped responding to my calls and texts, and around 3 years later I got a text on the wrong day wishing me happy birthday. I don't understand it and I don't think I ever will. She was like my sister.

It's quiet complicated why people do it !
I have done this to a best friend who I had been friends with since we met when I was 19 nearly 50 now !
The reason I did it was to protect myself from a toxic friendship when your friends for along time sometimes u let people's behaviour slide because your are so close friends .
And when I finally couldn't unsee the behaviours I couldn't accept it either there was a lot of traits that wasn't nice being racist , upsetting neighbours for no reason, crazy kinda stuff she would do ! All the things I would not accept from a stranger !
And another thing was if a new shiny friend appeared I'd be put on the back burner till she pissed them off and I always accepted it !
Then one day I woke up and said to myself that's it I can't do this anymore and not once has she ever reached out to me

I think just you moving away was enough to end the friendship of convenience you probably had going. You were of no further use to her so she didn't bother keeping in touch. Some people are just like this sadly. Plus you'd found a new partner and she was still a single mum so the dynamic had drastically shifted (in her mind) I guess?

Exactly the same thing happened to me! We had been friends for a number of years, naturally she was invited to my wedding. Spoke to her a few days before it, all well…never turned up! No explanation/apology. That was 34 years ago, never heard another word from her. I was so hurt/angry, I never got in touch with her either. So strange.

I had something similar. Someone I was good friends with at school. Somehow between me getting married, and my mum dying (4 years after I married), she & l lost contact, pretty sure it was in the last 2 years of this period.
We didn't fall out, but I did struggle for a while with grief and didn't keep in touch with people as much as I'd intended.
I did find a few years ago, and reached out (she's married and lives quite a way away but was instantly recognisable in a photograph at her workplace). I left my contact details and apologised/explained.
Sadly I haven't heard from her. I'd love to see how she's doing.

Yes, two friends from university on my course I just completely lost touch with, no falling out or anything, it was just easy to lose touch back on the day unless you made a concerted effort. I'm sorry that we didn't stay in touch and often wonder how they are getting on, but I can't find them on social media either.