Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

[MamaBee22]

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

Your friend is being unreasonable if this is the first time you forgot about promised lift or plans. She sounds petulant, although on the other hand it might be due to stress related to her health issues?
Cut some slack for yourself, I forget many things if my DC is unwell.

If I arrange to do a similar favour for someone I ask them to send me a reminder the night before or even the morning of the appointment. I have a head like a sieve and they can’t expect you to remember if you have a lot on your plate . I wouldn’t continue to feel guilty . You are human and she could have sent you a reminder.

Everyone has a calendar on their phone. And it will alert you to appointments. Piss poor to do this No excuse

OP I hope meeting her goes well. If not, you're human and made a mistake. You've done all you can. In future maybe look at Google calendar, especially for appointments. Lack of sleep when a child has breathing issues can affect your memory when you're in a sort of fog the next day. Hope your poorly child is on the mend now.

Out of curiosity where were your friend's children during this appointment?

You’d be happy to lose a friend over this?

@MamaBee22 Glad you are going to meet up - but out of curiosity - has she asked how your child is doing?

Omg you made a mistake. I know it wasn't ideal but we all drop the ball every now and again.

Just because it was a mistake, doesn’t mean she has to forgive and forget right away. You let her down when she needed you, and she’s rightly hurt and angry.

And stop making excuses OP - it was on you to remember, not blame her lack of text in the morning for you forgetting. Own your mistake rather than blaming others and looking for excuses.

Can’t be bothered with people who hold grudges. Leave her to it.

Pretty big thing for you to forget, she’s right to be annoyed. You let her down big time.

But I do HATE the silent treatment, just talk about the issue like an adult. If she doesn’t want to be friends anymore fair enough, but she can tell you that instead of radio silence. It’s childish in my view.

Also, not right of her to say to you that people always let her down. What other people have done isn’t your fault and that’s just a guilt trip and has no relevance to you.

But yeah, you did mess up big time here.

I know right.
The malice is dizzying!

See I think it was on the friend to remind. It’s her appointment.
I wouldn’t even be confident meeting someone for lunch without having a confirmation the previous evening/same day morning.

Sometimes the silent treatment is the silent treatment; sometimes it just doesn't make sense to talk to someone if they've done something that has upset you or caused you problems because of the pressure to say anything other than "yeah, you did treat me like shit, didn't you?"

This. Your asthmatic child with a chest infection was your priority. That’s very tough for your friend who is rightly annoyed and possibly scared enough not to be thinking straight, but as soon as she knew about your child she should have made sure you and your child were OK.

Don’t grovel tomorrow OP. Apologise, but don’t accept responsibility for your friend’s lack of empathy or understanding of your error. That’s on her.

I am not blaming her lack of text for me forgetting or making excuses.. I am just going off previous history that if one of us is running late or didn't turn up, we'd usually ring to see where the other is. Not blaming her obviously, just saying had she done that I would of remembered sooner.

Her children were with their dad for the day.

No she hasn't asked how my DC is, but in fairness to her, the text reply was about her being rightly so pissed off and hurt at me forgetting, and the feeling of always being let down by people. Maybe she will ask when we chat it through, maybe she won't. But I'm trying to treat her how I'd like to be treated and judge her on how she is 99% of the time, which is a good friend and aunty to my kids.

For the people asking, yeah I probably do more for her than she's done for me but I don't keep track. I have a lovely DH that I've been with for 14 years and he is my whole support network. She doesn't have that and has had tough times with her kids dad's and relationships in general so she probably genuinely does feel let down a lot. I care about her so have tried to support her all these years so she doesn't have to feel alone I messed up and I'll own that. I see now it's probably a hard pill to swallow as if you asked her she would say there's no way I'd let her down. She has also been there for me, emotionally and practically but just in a different way.

You prioritised getting your sick child a doctor's appointment over saving a friend a taxi journey to hospital. Okay, I know its not that simple, but your priority must always be your child.

I think you posted more in the hope that people would think your friend is being unreasonable for not forgiving you tbh. You did wrong, own it rather than mentioning u would have to take the kids or that she could have reminded you on the day or that she’s got previous for silence. You agreed to take her, you didn’t, you are totally in the wrong. Try a card of apology ( without excuses) and the biggest bunch of flowers you can find. She will then decide if she wants such a disappointing friend in her life.

You must know some flakey people. Mind you it seems to be getting commonplace.

However, a message wouldn’t have gone amiss had it been about prioritising . She didn’t prioritise, she forgot.

You made an accidental mistake but what she’s doing is on purpose so much worse

She should have reminded you by text.

Why did she need a lift anyway? Do you live somewhere rural with no taxis? It's a straight forward procedure and doesn't require someone to be with you when you leave.

I've had 2 colonoscopies. I wasn't accompanied for either of them and as I didn't have sedation didn't need to be accompanied when I left.

She forgot because her child was ill with a chest infection. It was very unfortunate, but does not make her a villain.

Because she didn't put in in the calendar to notify her. Even if a kid has a chest infection it's not that much of an emergency that you don't have time to send a text.

You saying she did wrong makes it sound like she dissed her friend on purpose. It wasn’t a deliberate act , she forgot , and an apology with an explanation that her kid was unwell should be sufficient . “The biggest bunch of flowers “ & calling her “ such a disappointing friend “ is just beyond ridiculous .

Obviously you did fuck up, but there were understandable reasons why you did. As a fellow mother of an asthmatic DD, it’s very stressful and can make you drop everything else.

i think if you are usually a good friend, and considering she did manage to get to her appointment, then it’s not the end of the world and she’d be cutting off her own nose to spite her face if she dropped you for good.

youve apologised, what else can you do? You can’t change the past. Either she moves on or she doesn’t, but don’t let her hold it over you forever. You should judge people by their ongoing actions and forgive an occasional mistake. It’s better for both of you if she can do that. Those other people who have let her down are not your responsibility.