Husband leaves me a list of duties

[JanineCody]

My husband of 18 years bought a little whiteboard a few weeks ago which goes on the fridge so you can write reminders for groceries etc on it but over the past week or so he's been leaving me a list of "duties" on it.

-(My name) "Pick up my suit from the dry cleaners."

-(My name) "Go to Supermarket and get those biscuits I like."

-(My name) " Iron my blue shirt for tomorrow."

-(My name) "Take chicken out of freezer to defrost."

AIBU for thinking I am not his slave?

He's not writing reminders for him - it's a list of jobs for OP.

My DH has memory problems & writes reminders for himself (I do the same for him) & also for things that he's asked me to do for him that he can't do for himself as (for medical reasons) he can no longer drive. So on the fridge whiteboard he may write 'remind Pasta to collect my prescription on Thursday'. That's no problem as it's respectful & also reminds him that he's asked me to do it & he doesn't need to ask me several times on Monday, Tuesday...etc as well as reminding him that he's already requested his repeat prescription & doesn't need to ask me about it again, and again, and again. If he wrote 'Pasta get my prescription when you're in town on Thursday' I'd tackle him about it as that's not respectful.

edited for spelling

‘Fuck that shit’ should do it.

Burn the white board.

I would be writing "no" after each task and see if he says anything.

Just write on it, 'Sorry, this board is currently out of order. The please and request functions seem to have been overriden by the demand function.'

I so wish MN would bring back the laugh emoji. As someone of Irish heritage I so loved this story.

Reminds me of a story my nanny used to tell about her mother & her father.

They <obviously> had fish every Friday night. He would pompously say how he wouldn't eat anything other than Cod, wouldn't eat haddock if he was starving. This was in the 1920's/30's & haddock at the time was a cheap fish - much cheaper than cod. Eventually my great nanny lost her patience & said 'what do you think you've been eating every Friday for more than 20 years - do you think I can afford cod on the pittance housekeeping that you give me? You've been eating haddock every Friday since we got married you stupid ....' 😂

Smurf would never put up with that bullshit.

(IYKYK)

We have a whiteboard to write down whatever we've just finished up in the kitchen so say teabags etc.in preparation for whoever is next out at the shops. We also have a calendar which lists everything either one of us is doing re appointments, coffees out etc etc and family birthdays - it's up to him to sort his family out - I've enough to do with my own.

Yes I'd be writing (his name) Fuck off I am not your slave.

Rude twat.

Bless him, if I or my DH attempted to do this, we’d be ripped to shreds as soon as other family members got hold of the pen.

Yep, wipe it clean and write ‘Fuck off Ian’. Or start making much longer lists: ‘Ian redecorate 1st floor guest room’, ‘Ian fix the fences’, ‘Ian unblock ground floor basin’.

Its incredibly rude to write you a list like this - it shows exactly what he thinks of you. That he 'keeps' you and you are there to do his bidding. Are you a SAHM? I'd actually be worried if I were you. SAHW rely on really healthy, happy relationships, with high levels of mutual gratitude and respect for each other's roles, and this does not sound like such a relationship.

If you are a SAHW, then things like ' could you pick up my dry cleaning darling?' is not unreasonable. However, the fucking, ' go and get the biscuits I like' is. Its demeaning and humiliating. It shows how superior he thinks he is and how you are there to do his bidding.

I would not be happy about this and I would also be quite concerned about what it said about the state of the marriage.

What’s led up to this? Have you mentioned it to him and how did he respond?

"Prepare a large hole in the patio"

I'd have lots of fun writing out a list for him😆

Sick of these 'post and run' threads started by posters with no other history.

Too bloody right

YANBU
I assume you are at home and he's at work. If not he is vvv unreasonable.
I am cringing though as I sometimes give my dh a list of things to do if I am at work and he is off.

Im all for doing errands for each other.
If im off work I ask Dh if he needs anything doing. The answer usually is no.

I cant imagine a world where he became an arsehole and started leaving me lists without asking if I was ok to do something.
Sounds like your Dh is flexing on and showing he is the man of the house!!!
Tell him to DIYMFS!!

Seems like you've missed some of your duties in past. Seems harmless enough, especially if it help you remember.

You have not provided us with enough information to make an informed judgement.

Basically - Do you work?

If you have a job then YANBU.
If you do not work YABU.

Actually I can imagine a world where we have a list, we kind of do but it's in our messages, we've both been trying to book a Sunday lunch for weeks so we'll message each other if one of us is off 'if you get a chance can you call nd book Sunday lunch for next week and order the dogs medicine' then after work we'll see if we managed but it goes both ways and it's prompts but I can imagine one of getting a whiteboard and writing a weekly to do list for us collectively.

Op maybe do that, add your own to do to the lust

There's an old joke about a scotsman and englishman and an Irish man each getting married and not being happy with their wives housework. Englishman spoke sternly to his wife and saw a difference right away. Scotsman tried the same and first day didn't see much difference but reiterated it and by the next day things really improved. The Irishman spoke to his wife, saw nothing the first day, nor the second day, by the third day the swelling had subsided and he could see a little out of one eye but he'd definitely learnt his lesson.
As an Irish woman I feel I can tell that joke but also, good luck leaving me a list fo chores for a grown adult. He can wipe his own a**e. How do you get 18 yrs on and have him think this would suddenly fly?
Wipe the thing clean, draw something obscene on it and go for a spa day.

I heard this but it was the Scotsman that couldn’t see out of his eye
I’d write 2 words last one would be off

Dick fuck off

I don't think op is coming back...maybe a job on the whiteboard was "make fake thread on MN"