Inappropriate comments from grandfather

[Nolasmummy]

Trying to take the emotion and my own childhood experiences out of this one to report objectively.
grandparents have been babysitting 20 month old daughter for the weekend, they recounted via FaceTime they took her to the garden centre for lunch yesterday . She’s at that age where she’s really sociable and people watching and was friendly and waving to the male waiter. Grandfather repeatedly said “she loves the men” and said he told the waiter “you’re out of her league”. Husband laughed in response, I visibly cringed and got of the call quickly and jumped in the shower. When I came out my husband said I looked “troubled” and I said I was disturbed by the comments. I clarified that I didn’t think grandad was Pervy himself, but the comments were sexualised and made in public which I think is dangerous. I also didn’t like that my husband laughed at comments. Husband got offended on grandads behalf, said he was old fashioned and I was wrong to open the conversation about him being pervy or not, said he laughed out of awkwardness. An argument ensued, I did talk over him which I know I have a habit of, but he ended up calling me a “sour faced cow” and said I ruined the weekend. I shouted “would you protect our kids or be more worried about politeness”. He’s upset and offended. I’m reeling about my daughter being spoken about that way, and feel my husband is focusing on protecting the wrong person. He has agreed if it happened again he would talk to grandad and apologised for calling me a name (after I told him this was verbal abuse)

not sure what my question is, I’m really triggered by the whole thing. I guess would you drop it at this point?

Completely agree I’m actually quite shocked at the comments telling her she’s over reacted.

Reading the update that he’s friends with the local paedo adds to the fact he’s a sleazy sexist creep and I’m not sure I’d want him anywhere near my DD

100% - unfortunately the world is still full of penis pandering pick me women who will twist themselves into a pretzel to make excuses for appalling male behaviour.

It’s grim and shocking that in 2026 women are still so desperate to prioritise dick over everything else.

Old men making jokes like this and getting away with it is often a first step in grooming those around them. People will pass it off as 'old fashioned' or 'that's just their sense of humour' but some (not all) will push to see what they can get away with. They start innocuously then step it up.

The neighbour info adds to the concern imo.

I think it is disgusting to sexualise children on this way. Because that is what he was doing. I wouldn’t stand for it.

How old is he OP? All the comments about him being old fashioned etc - well unless he’s in his 80’s upwards then his comments would have been considered inappropriate at any time after about the 1970’s

I'm with you. In addition, I find it utterly repugnant that some posters upthread have suggested OP's abuse history has made her oversensitive to this behaviour. How low is it possible to stoop?

Expressing concerns over comments sexualising an infant isn't to suggest covertly that FiL is a 'pervert' - despite the snide comment that this is what OP is trying to insinuate. This is a black-and-white issue. Oversexualising a young child is wrong from all manner of persectives,whatever angle of the equation you come from and whether you've been a victim of CSA or not. The fact that 'it's what people used to say' and 'EVERYONE jokes that "she'll be a heartbreaker"' doesn't make it any less stomach turning - however trite a cliche it might have become. This contributes to the sort of female socialisation we clearly see upthread: the accusation of dick pandering in the post quoted isn't at all misplaced.

The idea that women should curb our very reasonable instincts and to question ourselves before we question male behaviour starts precisely with attitudes like this. The treatment of OP on this thread - on a parenting support site no less - has been absolutely shameful.

It's seems odd to me that more than 3/4 of people who voted thought the mum was being unreasonable.

If the posters who voted that way have baby girls, I wonder how far they would let comments go before they did feel they were inaproprite?

OP, listen to your gut.
I wouldn't have them minding my child.
I think your husbands nasty vicious and abusive reaction towards you challenging him is awful.

So many red flags.
So often women like you go on to have several children with mdn who were walking red flags.

FiL reaction is creepy, inappropriate and unbelievable regarding that former neighbour.

Your husband is a weak nasty man.
Protect your child and rethink your marriage carefully.

Oh, and MN is a site that protects and defend the worst of behaviour of men, and gives a good kicking to any woman with boundaries.