How old do you let your children go out with friends alone ?

[Haribos22]

i was reading a post on Facebook around this which was asking what time peoples 13 year olds can stay out to.
so many comments were don’t let you children out, the country is not safe anymore.
I have a DD around that age who is allowed go to and from her friends houses, Cinema, shopping and has to currently be home by 7.30.
I couldn’t imagine keeping her indoors now !

14 or 15.

Of course 13 year olds should be allowed out. With certain limitations of course. Our focus should be teaching them to stay safe and recognise danger. The country is safer than it used to be, not more dangerous - so long as you look at actual crime stats rather than social media posts.

10 or 11. Or local park 8/9.

I agree - I was shocked at how many said they don’t let their children out until at least 16.

I think it depends what you mean by out? My 12 year old is allowed to walk into the local town from our house or her friends houses with them. Have lunch, wander round the shops, go for tea/cake or cinema. All of this is during the day though and pre-planned with known friends. I’m happy with this at 11/12.

I’m sure this will progress over time but I can’t imagine being comfortable with her being out after dark on her own or just hanging about in unknown locations / with unknown friends (ever really but realistically) until she’s 15/16.

My kids from age 12 generally only went to shops, cinema, eating out for a couple of hours at most during the day, even now at 15 and 17, the eldest is back by 10pm and youngest recently cinema out until 8.30pm

Aren't most kids making their own way to and from secondary school at 11? Often with their friends?

Kids start walking alone to and from primary here in year 6 - often with a parent trailing with a sibling etc - as practice for secondary. So they also start walking to and from each other's house alone.

Going to the cinema/leisure centre/shops/cafe with friends is common by end of year 7 but it's a walkable London neighbourhood so easy for them to get around and nothing is that far away

I can’t imagine being comfortable with her being out after dark on her own ...... until she’s 15/16.

What will she do in the winter if not allowed out after dark?

Depends completely on what it is - meeting with a group of friends to play football in the park or going to local shops I allowed from about age 10. Going to the leisure centre with friends or to big shops, from about 12. I expect them home by dark unless they’re doing something indoors like a film at the cinema and getting a lift home. They are welcome to bring friends home anytime or to visit friends so long as I know where they are.

Just random unplanned hanging around in public “out” still not allowed at 13 and I don’t know at what point it will be.

I said in original post cinema , shopping, to and from friends houses.

Mine were allowed out with a group of friends from when they were about 10.

Well, you didn't say that was what your question was about - just that was what your 13 year old was doing.

Out and about locally with friends including to and from friends' houses - age 9
Most other stuff including getting a bus into town - age 11

The time they had to be back by was determined by the activity - at the "playing out" ages it was based on it getting dark (and whether there was school next day). For the cinema, I'd be fine with them out much later if it was the weekend (although I'd probably choose to pick them up/share lifts with another parent after a late finishing film)

We live in a small safe village. My DS (9) is allowed to walk to the shop close to the house (no roads to cross). Our road is next to a green and we've agreed that next year he can call for class mates who live in the roads around this green & play there. He's a very sensible well behaved boy & his friends are similar.

Age appropriate risks & independence are crucial in ensuring children don't become anxious, and build resilience.

Depends where you live?

My kids and their friends, year 6. They all have phones, they are together, they need to learn. If they are old enough to go to school alone, they are old enough not to have a mummy handhold everytime they venture outside.

What will you do if they go out directly from school?

A lot would depend where you live, if you live in a high risk area for grooming gangs and drug wars your views would be very different.

I would say however, i associate young teens "hanging around" somewhat aimlessly as a precursor to poor behaviour. There's a big difference between 13 or 14 year olds meeting at a leisure centre to play badminton or going to the cinema in the afternoons, vs the sort who are hanging around in parks/on street corners late into the evening. The latter I think is best avoided.

Is everyone's answer same for their DSs and their DDs? No difference?

I have 2 sons - the eldest is 9 and has been walking himself to and from school since September (year 5) and plays out/knocks for friends on weekends. Will be evenings again soon once its drier/lighter at night. usually until 5:30ish.

DC’s have been walking to their friends houses since primary school (age 7/8 in a very safe area with minimal traffic) but they lived on the same street and we had the parents numbers to check in and out. If it was dark at teatime we’d walk over and pick them up. Both DC’s have walked into the local town since starting secondary school (about 20mins walk) and I pick them up after they’ve been to the shops/had drinks with friends.
By 13/14 my DS was going further on his bike to friends houses (again I know their parents) but DD wouldn’t be seen dead on a bike so I’m her taxi driver.
If you don’t give them the freedom to experience low level risks, they don’t learn to manage them, and end up being incapable adults walking across roads on their phones with no idea of danger. Some of the teens I see when I visit DS at Uni look like they’ve never been out the house. It’s ridiculous and scary that they’ve led such a sheltered life. I do suspect Covid has something to do with it though.

DD started at 11, in y6. Nearby local area, then extended local area , and we just kept adding to it. She’s 14 now and in town (couple of stations away on the overground) with some school friends . Time to be home depends on the season/activity.

My DD is 11 and has only recently been allowed to play out with her friend after school / during the day on weekends. I have Life360 on my phone though and I'm constantly tracking her. She's only allowed on our street / the shop round the corner / the estate behind us / near her school. All very close to home ( school is a 7 minute walk away / shop is a 3 minute walk away )

I'm terrified of her playing out I hate every second. My DS9 isn't allowed to play out yet.

It depends what you mean by “out”. Mine will walk to nearby friends or into town with friends (live in a small town), but not into the bigger city nearby

Mine are mid 20s now but from year 6 they gradually increased the amount of time they spent out ... walking to the shops, walking to school.

You can't imagine that everyone's dc isnt the same as yours and might live in a different area?

Surely it depends where you live and your dc...