How old do you let your children go out with friends alone ?

[Haribos22]

i was reading a post on Facebook around this which was asking what time peoples 13 year olds can stay out to.
so many comments were don’t let you children out, the country is not safe anymore.
I have a DD around that age who is allowed go to and from her friends houses, Cinema, shopping and has to currently be home by 7.30.
I couldn’t imagine keeping her indoors now !

Mine having been going out since 10 years old - into town, park, youth club, friends house.

My 13 year old regularly goes out on weekend or holidays from about 9am and comes home at 8pm.

The biggest risk to your child is traffic.

If you live somewhere rural with no pavements, blind corners etc or in a very car dominated/50mph A road dominated suburb, then I would say they need to be older as they don't develop the ability to accurately assess the speed of fast moving vehicles until 12/13 ish.

The brain masters that skill earlier for lower speeds so if you are in an urban area with low speed limits and a pedestrian "culture" (eg plenty of road crossings) then it is safer for them to be out crossing roads at an earlier age.

My son just turned 14 and he gets the bus to town to meet friends. He has to be home before it gets dark though.

My eldest is nearly 9 but has ASD and can be very hyperactive, immature and lack common sense and sensibility, although to be fair to her she has always been pretty careful around road safety.
I wouldn't be letting her walk to school alone until year 6 at least, and we live in a nice, quiet village area, school 5 min walk away.That would only be with me trailing someway behind with younger siblings, and/or with a friend.
There are a couple of roads to cross that can get abit busy and I just don't know if she would remember to look properly.
There is a park next to our house and I reckon we may let her go there in the daytime with friends for abit in the next year or two.
At the moment, I would not even let her out my sight to be honest.One minute she can be mature the next she can flip, so i don't feel i could trust her to keep herself safe.She is also quite shy/anxious and I worry about paedophiles as there have been quite afew local to us.

This is what I worry about....being able to determine how far away a car is, if it is stopping to let you cross, checking multiple directions at junctions etc.I don't think DD would have the cognitive ability to manage all that anytime soon.

I'm in suburban London. I would have allowed walking to each other's houses and going the (very close) park at 10, but oldest only had one friend whose parents allowed that, so they did that a few times. DC started going around using public transport at 12- they are very mature and organised, and always looked a bit older than they are.

It was a bit later for DS as he has ADHD, most of his friends are neurodivergent, so it's only at 13-14 he's starting to do more just with friends - I'm trying to encourage him to do more outings with them

Yeh we live in London - busy area though. There is some crime but classed as a pretty “ affluent “ area.
it being busy makes me less worried for some reason but I was raised here so probably just used to it.

Yes, it's a cognitive skill that needs to be developed definitely.

And although there is an average age for it, of course some children will be a bit earlier or a bit later. Perhaps your child may be a bit later but definitely good to have her practicing when you go out together and for her to say when it is safe to cross. Like any skill, it takes practice but sometimes they are at the age when it is easy to forget to make them practice it.

It's why it is so important for there to be safe road, safe pedestrian crossings and speed limits - children cannot safely assess the risk of crossing until their brains develop sufficiently but we can design cities and towns in a way that allows them to start having their independence and developing those cognitive skills safely.

My LO was going out to play with her friends in our road at 7.5. We have a couple of small parks only a couple minutes walk away and they would play there. Our street is pretty quiet though! She was walking from and to school with friends sat almost 8.
Has been going to local
shops, library and slightly further away park from age 10 and she’s 11.5 now. She isn’t allowed out after dark though. Some kids her age are getting the bus into our town centre at this age but she isn’t quite ready for that yet. My nephew was at that age.
She’s had one outing to the swimming where a friends mum dropped them off and picked them up. I suspect over the coming months we’ll do a bit more like that- dropping her and friends off at cinema, shopping centre etc and leaving them to it for a while. She goes to secondary school after summer (scotland) and expect not long after that shell
start getting bus into town centre with friends. Not at night though. That won’t be happening until she’s 15/16, and same for getting train into the city with friends. Some kids where I live are out drinking at night from early teens. That won’t be my dd.

We live rurally. DC were allowed to play outside from 6 years old so long as they could see the house. Not allowed on the farm track as a hard line. Traffic was the biggest danger - log lorries, feed lorries, combines, etc. Both attended an outdoor kindergarten so taught to risk assess from 3 years old. Competent with knife skills and fire building from a young age. Now, as teens, able to gut/skin rabbits and camp without a tent.

Not too dissimilar to how DH and I grew up as Gen X.

I think it all depends on your location and the child to be honest.

We live rurally. In the summer, both of mine are out roaming around fields until dark (10pm) with friends some nights. They’re currently 8 & 13.

My 13 year old can walk around town with a friend, but I wouldn’t want her out and about much after dark. Sometimes they might walk from a friend’s house to the shop (3 minutes) together in the early evening. I’d definitely not let her roam around after dark alone. There’s too many shitheads out there. During the day, she can walk to the park in the village (10 minutes away) and hang out there. She can go to the swimming pool or cafe with a friend in town. We have no public transport, so if she does want to go into town, I have to drive her and go collect her.

I don’t let her just hang around the park like a vagrant though! Fine if she’s doing something. But she turns down invites from friends who she knows are just going to go vape or do something stupid because she doesn’t want to be around that. She’s definitely not one of the little yobs who are going around our town trying to kick people’s doors in at the moment. 🙄

Seems reasonable. You can’t lock them up. My 16 yo sometimes 11-12 but I always know where he is and a taxi back, which I can track

We are in a big city

Zone 3 London. From year 5 mine walked to and from school on their own, then from 10/11 popped to the park or the mall on their own.

Secondary school age or just before. I think kids should be confident walking around familiar areas and their friend's areas during the day.

Then evening and night when they're about 13.
If you know where they are and they are trustworthy.

And obviously no staying out late on school nights under 17/18 ideally. As in after that age you can't really stop them staying out late.

My 12(soon to be 13 ye) old DD left about 10mins ago to walk to her friends house for a half an hour to help her with something, it’s a 4minute walk….they will meet up in the evening often to walk around the town and chat. Get a Costa etc.

Agree. As for people saying about going to and from school, that’s very different to hanging around of an evening, potentially in the dark etc

I have dd 12 and 14 (ASD).

Both went out in daytime with friends from age 11/12. At 13, dd1 took the bus into town with friends and went round the shops and to a cafe. At 14, she can be out in the day but not after dark - though actually it hasn't come up yet. She struggles with friends sadly so doesn't have a lot of opportunity to go out or experience, that's why. I'm keen for her to build on this so we'll see how it goes.

DD12 is a lot more streetwise and has a good group of friends who have gradually been building their independence, although some parents are stricter than others, so they often still get lifts to places. I think she's doing well and has proved herself trustworthy and remembers to keep in touch, keep an eye on the time etc.

Who said " hanging about"

That's what I used to tell my daughter, until she worked out last year (16) that before it gets dark, is around 4pm in winter 🤭.
Now she's 17 we've negotiated 630- 7pm and I'll pick her up from the train station or she gets dropped off.

7.30 too late for 13 … dark by then!

7pm for a 17 year old. Good grief I had my own place by then. And often didn't even go out until 9pm

When they're having parties or such she's out later, but she has no friends that roam the streets at nights as a matter of course.

There was an after school outing last Friday and they were back at the house by 8pm and the parents asked for them to be picked up at 10.
Following evening they went to the movies and again, picked up and we collected them from that house at 11.

They're not complaining or trying to be out later, so 🤷🏾‍♀️.
@Thechaseison71

It entirely depends on where you live. In Devon zero issues letting my 13 year old out alone. In Birmingham, I no longer felt safe being out alone let alone a child. In fact it’s not safe, repeated stabbing involving kids of that age in what was a really nice area.

I think it depends on the child, the location and the culture of the area.

My child is 7 year old and for the past year has been going out to play with the kids from the street. He’s allowed to the play park on his own with other kids, which is a 90 second walk from my house (located on a housing estate). Or they all play together on the road of our cul-de-sac. All of the houses on the cul-de-sac have children who play out and so everyone is careful when driving in and out. The children are all also very streetwise and know to run over to the sides if a car is coming.

I know that some children as young as 4 play out independently. That wouldn’t be my cup of tea, but I did let DS play out the front of the house with the other kids from age 5 because I would stand in the kitchen window and watch while I did the dishes and he was always in sight. I think giving children tidbits of independence is brilliant, they are far more capable than we think. However, sadly most aren’t so lucky to live in areas that support this.