Does anyone else’s husband think that he does everything round the house?

[Daisyfields101]

Dh works full time and I work part time. This means that I do the vast majority of the cleaning and housework.

I would include in this cleaning/dusting/vacuuming/mopping floors/changing bedding. The rooms tend to be done weekly and being a family of four and a large house, the house does get grubby quickly. Dh for example spills coffee everywhere, no one would think to wipe the sink round if it was looking a bit dusty or covered in toothpaste, everyone drops crumbs around. Stuff like that.

I also do a wash load each day, empty/load the dishwasher as and when needed, wiping kitchen worktops over, I plan the meals and order the food shop. I do 100% of school runs and any other school related stuff.

Dh does a fair bit of cooking, so do I but he probably does 70%, partly this is because I do clubs in the evening so Dh will cook while we are out, he will put a wash on if needed and he tidies up the kitchen often, but that tends to just be doing the dishwasher, he doesn’t really clean anything or wipe the worktops. He is a tradesman so he does most of our DIY too.

The dc also empty and load the dishwasher and eldest will put a wash on, they do help with cleaning in school holidays.

All mostly fine, but this usually comes up so we are both off work this week. I’m not feeling well and the house has become a tip.

Instead of dh getting on and having a bit of a clean and tidy he’s finding pointless jobs to do outside.

I don’t expect him to start turning the house upside down on his week off but just an hour would make a huge difference.

Instead he starts ranting on about how the house is a mess because he’s let it slip because usually he does everything. How he does all the washing and then starts naming how he did the washing at the weekend. Even though it’s now Thursday and I’ve done 2 more loads since then.

In his head he really does think that he does it all.

Mine thinks that he does half. It's probably nearer 10% . Even the stuff that he does do is only half done, or still has to involve me either finding something or making a decision.

I don't have a DH, but I do read a lot of threads on here by men who are concerned their wife doesn't want sex with them whom, when challenged on the matter, always insist that they do at least 50% of the housework. Which I regard with some scepticism.

Mine probably does more than me, but I keep quiet about it and hope he doesn't notice.

Instead of dh getting on and having a bit of a clean and tidy he’s finding pointless jobs to do outside.

Do we have the same husband?? 😂

I think many husbands have the impression they do at least 50% of housework when in reality they only contribute about 5-10%. 🙄

Yes, he sticks some bleach down the toilet now and again, sometimes washes up and he does put washing in the washing machine and turn it on. If he's doing it and I am sat down he starts asking questions, like can this go in with this and stuff like that, anything to make me have to get up like he is saying well I have to do it you do too. We both work full time, i do the bathrooms, the hoovering the floors, wash up everyday, put washing on, sort all washing and put it away, change the beds, do the shopping, cook about 70% of the time, but he does not see that. I empty the bins in the house, he puts the bins out and moans if I have not brought them back in later in the day. I also run around after our youngest and am caring for parents with dementia, honestly, I didn't love the daft buggar life would be much easier on my own lol

This post made me laugh! Yes.

I’ve resorted to just not doing laundry, so now he does laundry most of the time and takes out the trash.

He is so proud of himself and mentions it regularly to friends and I think he truly believes I do nothing.

Sense of time for men is different too.
10 mins of comforting a baby can easily become 45 minutes plus with martyr-like sighs.
The sudden urge to address something outside in anticipation of visitors with a tip of a house resonates with me!

Yes, my husband thinks he does 50% if not more.

He's not totally awful, and I'd say he does about 45% of the time spent doing tasks. Which aids his perception of doing 50% of the tasks themselves, which is a very different metric.

Because he faffs around. He overdoes tasks, decides he needs to buy a tool or spray and waits for it to arrive. He will only do an "excellent" job of most tasks, when an "ok" or "good enough" standard would allow the whole task list to be done.

And I do tasks at the same time as looking after our son, whereas he does it last thing at night, adding it his general sense of grievance that I went up to bed and am asleep when he comes up fancying sex. Do your chores earlier, you clown, and maybe!

‘Your turn to hold the baby’ my DH says, having held them for c. 10 mins, having been out of the house for 10 hours.

Mine washes up (but doesn't put away) and sometimes moves things from the tumble drier into the washing basket. He does two school runs, cooks on Friday nights and makes all his own lunches. Oh, and he takes the bins out (once I've filled them).

He definitely feels he does more than I do.

I have been prone to go a week without doing washing to illustrate it's not just him that does it.
When he asks where his clothes are I just tell him you should know apparently you do the washing...It cures complaints instantly...🤣🤣

I had this problem about 20 years ago. My then teenage son said in a conversation, “ Well dad does everything anyway.” And my husband didn’t correct him. So I decided to do ‘nothing’ and boy was that a wake up call for them both! However, I have continued with it. I’ll do the washing if I need clothes and I’ll cook and clear up after a Sunday roast but that’s it! I sit down and don’t feel guilty about it. My husband hates an untidy home so now he really does do ‘everything’.

My DH actually does do more than I do, but insists that he doesn't, so clearly I live in another dimension!

I would find it intolerable to be with someone who not only doesn't pull his weight but who then criticises me for doing nothing when in fact I'm doing most of the work. It's so disrespectful.

I do wonder about the thought process involved in only half asking some tasks.

Cleaning up after dinner. About 80% of items washed. Other 20% just left on counter (why?). Counters not wiped. Food from meal still in pan on hob. Items taken out of clean dishwasher left on counter top.

I do not understand it at all, surely it is easier just to do it properly.

I don’t mind the balance of housework too much because I knowI’m part time, but it’s the nerve of him to think and say that he does everything.

I also get the running commentary and reporting back to me every 5 minutes about what he’s done. Along with the over exaggerated sighs and telling me he needs a sit down.

A friend of mines DH does two school runs and told her resented having to do ‘all the school runs’ in an argument.

He seemed oblivious to the EIGHT she was doing.

I think you and I are are married to the same man.

I should add that I'm very appreciative of my DH and I tell him often that I am grateful he does so much. He brushes it off and says 'you do at least half if not more,' which is not true at all.

Mine does very little but he works full time, I don't. What annoys me though is when he went to visit or stay over at his parents he was incredibly tidy and considerate. At home, nothing. If I ask, I either get a sigh, or a 'I was about to do that' in a sarcastic tone. As if!

But he's convinced he does loads. The reality is that he may get up to do something on occasion but is easily distracted and will go (half) do something else, leaving a mess behind in his wake. He pretty much will create a job on everything.

This! I just don't get it. Sometimes it's half a table wiped, but not the other half - I just don't get the thought process!

I do all the school runs, club runs, and life admin. I pay all the bills and sort out the kids savings. I wash all their clothes and make sure they have a good breakfast and lunch.

I will sometimes cook for the kids in the evening, depending on what the plans are.

However, I have stopped buying food and cooking for my DP. He would eat during the day and not be hungry. He would feel “a bit funny” and not want to eat. What I had cooked wouldn’t be what he was expecting, or fancied. If he did eat it he would suggest ways I could have done it differently. He invariable only eats half of something. So I’ve stopped, unless it really suits me to. However, this has been met with huffs about going shopping, and having to cook meals maybe 3 times a week, because “no one else cares”.

No mine is fully aware I do the Lions share and would not dare claim otherwise!

Yes, I feel you OP. I don't mind doing most of the cleaning and tidying, but it fucks me off to be treated as lazy if something isn't clean (because I haven't got to it yet, I'm tired, or the kids have messed it up again since) and it fucks me off the odd occasion it's come out he thinks he does more. We went to marriage counselling years ago when our baby was small and one of the issues was him feeling like I wasn't doing enough. She asked who did more before the kids and both of us said 'me!' I was gobsmacked he thought he did most tidying and cleaning prekids and so was he! He genuinely thought he did more! I suppose both of us prioritise the things that matter most to us, which aren't the same, but you'd think that would work out well - and yet it doesn't somehow.

Mine is actually fairly domesticated and does more than half of the cleaning (I do the lions share of the cooking and we both work full time).

But he insists on telling me how to do domestic stuff and it drives me nuts. He will, for example, move pans around on the hobs and tell me to use a particular colander as opposed to one I am using. I have lost my shit at him about it and he’s toned it down but he still has this tendency to tell me how to do things I was doing capably for decades before I knew him.