Does anyone else’s husband think that he does everything round the house?

[Daisyfields101]

Dh works full time and I work part time. This means that I do the vast majority of the cleaning and housework.

I would include in this cleaning/dusting/vacuuming/mopping floors/changing bedding. The rooms tend to be done weekly and being a family of four and a large house, the house does get grubby quickly. Dh for example spills coffee everywhere, no one would think to wipe the sink round if it was looking a bit dusty or covered in toothpaste, everyone drops crumbs around. Stuff like that.

I also do a wash load each day, empty/load the dishwasher as and when needed, wiping kitchen worktops over, I plan the meals and order the food shop. I do 100% of school runs and any other school related stuff.

Dh does a fair bit of cooking, so do I but he probably does 70%, partly this is because I do clubs in the evening so Dh will cook while we are out, he will put a wash on if needed and he tidies up the kitchen often, but that tends to just be doing the dishwasher, he doesn’t really clean anything or wipe the worktops. He is a tradesman so he does most of our DIY too.

The dc also empty and load the dishwasher and eldest will put a wash on, they do help with cleaning in school holidays.

All mostly fine, but this usually comes up so we are both off work this week. I’m not feeling well and the house has become a tip.

Instead of dh getting on and having a bit of a clean and tidy he’s finding pointless jobs to do outside.

I don’t expect him to start turning the house upside down on his week off but just an hour would make a huge difference.

Instead he starts ranting on about how the house is a mess because he’s let it slip because usually he does everything. How he does all the washing and then starts naming how he did the washing at the weekend. Even though it’s now Thursday and I’ve done 2 more loads since then.

In his head he really does think that he does it all.

Im laughing at these because they are so familiar....but its also a bit depressing. Both DH and I work ft but I do about 99% of cleaning, tidying, laundry, kids admin and he does slightly more cooking than I do. But he totally thinks this is an equal division of labour. He enjoys cooking and sometimes even cooks stuff he has a good idea no one else will really like! And is very haphazard about clearing up after himself (he seems obliged to use 80% of kitchen utensils for any given recipe) he rarely puts all the ingredients away and almost never washes up.

But he goes bananas if anyone spills water on the floor, which is hilarious. He could spill multiple things while making a meal and not clear up or wipe any of them but if someone washes theirs hands and drips water on the floor, or picks up something from the draining board that drips water, its like a crime scene investigation!

He also equates making a lot of noise with making a lot of effort. If he does a home workout everyone else knows about it because of all the huffing, grunting, sighing etc involved... it was the same when he cleaned a bathroom, 2.5 years ago (yes im that petty, I kept the receipt) the noise- huffing, puffing, sighing etc....so that I would definitely hear!

I definitely think (possibly coincidence) that DH does things that often evoke recognition from other people, especially visitors
Cooking - oh wow this meal is delicious
Gardening - the garden looks great, oh do you have a vege patch, etc
DIY - i like how you've renovated this room

No one ever comments that they had clean bedding, or the bathroom was clean, they had a towel to use etc. Those are invisible!

Or that there was adequate and preferred food for "invisible" meals like breakfast

I’m sure DH thinks I don’t do anything because I always finish the job. If he hoovers he leaves the hoover out to demonstrate he has done the hoovering. He is pretty good at pulling his weight overall but it’s infuriating.

My partner lived by himself for several years and I used to go visit him there. He did do everything himself but not to my standards. The kitchen and bathroom always felt a bit grubby, dusting was not done, windows not cleaned. To be fair to him he was working full time in a full on job - but I think also he wasn’t as bothered by dust and dirt as I am. Most guys living by themselves are similar I think. They do the bare basics but nothing extra.

Renovating a room and keeping a good garden are difficult jobs that require skill and effort to do properly. Cleaning bed linen and towels, with the best will in the world, are not.