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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD friend MUM pushing for sleepovers

100 replies

Travelfairy · 18/02/2026 22:42

My DD friend Mum who I am reasonably friendly with myself i suspect keeps getting her DD to pressure mine about having sleepovers....

Its something I am not comfortable with and I have said this to the Mum. She leaves it a couple of months and then asks again which I find irritating.

Anyway last week she send me a msg saying that her DD wants a play date with mine tomorrow but she has a dentist appt so her DD 'can go to yours'. I replied i heard nothing of a play date and sorry I cant take her as I WFH and had 2 important meetings scheduled.

She hasn't any in laws/parents available locally to take her kids for overnights (she has 3) and i think she is trying to get a sleepover situation going so she can get me to take her kids when she wants to go away with her DH.

AIBU to think this is cheeky? How would you deal with it? She has form for this type of thing, constantly asking me for favours but never reciprocating! She asked my DH to help design a website for her business as she 'didnt want to pay anyone' and one day rang me at work asking could I drive to hers to pick up her kids and drop to school as her car wouldnt start. Its a 15-20 mins drive from my workplace. I didnt as couldnt leave work but I thought that was also cheeky!

But this sleepover thing is really annoying me because she knows how I feel about them but is pushing the issue indirectly through her DD.

OP posts:
Washingwater · 18/02/2026 22:50

Keep saying no until she stops. Tell her dc no, we don’t do sleepovers.

WinnerWinnerChickenDinnner · 19/02/2026 03:56

Block her.

Original poster
Travelfairy · 19/02/2026 09:09

WinnerWinnerChickenDinnner · 19/02/2026 03:56

Block her.

Gosh, would you feel that strongly? I cant block at mo but will ease up contact I think

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 19/02/2026 09:19

The sleepover thing wouldn’t annoy me more than any of the other things she’s suggesting. She sounds very pushy-I would just say no to all the things she suggests and don’t answer the phone to her, because I would now assume she was going to ask for something I didn’t want to do. Text back that evening and say, ‘sorry I was working earlier when you rang, hope all ok.’

ShetlandishMum · 19/02/2026 09:21

Just say no?

AgnesMcDoo · 19/02/2026 09:25

Say no

although personally I’d be enthusiastic about the sleepovers.

KhakiAnt · 19/02/2026 09:32

I think that she is clearly cheeky at best, manipulative at worst. The first comment nailed it really.

You are never unreasonable to say whether you wish to do something or not. The website thing and general pushy behaviour is odd. Personally I wouldn’t be overly friendly any longer and distance myself. It can be difficult when kids are friendly with each other but I think you just need to be honest with your daughter and tell her why you aren’t willing to do sleepovers yet. For instance when my daughter asks, I say no because you’re too young and I don’t know the parents or their household well enough to feel comfortable.

I think you have to be blunt here and push back firmly with a straight no, end of conversation. Ask yourself why it’s okay for her to blast through all your boundaries but you are concerned about coming off mean for saying no thank you? It’s classic cheeky bastard territory don’t succumb to it.

Shinyandnew1 · 19/02/2026 09:55

Your DH needs to man up as well. If she says, ‘I need you to help me with my website as I don’t want to pay anyone’, he needs to say no! How about, ‘Sorry, I don’t think you’ll like my rates then!’

Heronwatcher · 19/02/2026 10:14

I think you need to be much more blunt. The way you are responding clearly isn’t getting the message across.

”Hi Anne, perhaps this needs to be said more clearly, no Maisie doesn’t want a sleep over. She’s not keen. Please can you tell Sophie that this isn’t something that will be happening any time soon. If things change I will let you know so no need to ask again- I know this is blunt but I want to be as clear as possible that it’s a no from us.”

On the play date thing I think I would have been incredulous- “Hi Anne, sorry can only assume that Sophie has sent this as I would never invite my children to someone else’s house- how rude! Just for reference I am at work and will be incredibly busy for most of this half term so won’t be able to host any play dates. Please can you let Sophie know that we will invite her when we have some free time so no need for her to keep asking- it could get awkward.”

Or some sort of formulation which uses the word no several times and closes the subject down. The likelihood is that she knows you don’t want to do either thing but she’s trying to put pressure on. If you’re clear to the point of bluntness I suspect she will respect you much more. And while she might cool things off for a bit if she’s a genuine friend rather than a user you can still have a friendship afterwards.

HoppityBun · 19/02/2026 10:30

Heronwatcher · 19/02/2026 10:14

I think you need to be much more blunt. The way you are responding clearly isn’t getting the message across.

”Hi Anne, perhaps this needs to be said more clearly, no Maisie doesn’t want a sleep over. She’s not keen. Please can you tell Sophie that this isn’t something that will be happening any time soon. If things change I will let you know so no need to ask again- I know this is blunt but I want to be as clear as possible that it’s a no from us.”

On the play date thing I think I would have been incredulous- “Hi Anne, sorry can only assume that Sophie has sent this as I would never invite my children to someone else’s house- how rude! Just for reference I am at work and will be incredibly busy for most of this half term so won’t be able to host any play dates. Please can you let Sophie know that we will invite her when we have some free time so no need for her to keep asking- it could get awkward.”

Or some sort of formulation which uses the word no several times and closes the subject down. The likelihood is that she knows you don’t want to do either thing but she’s trying to put pressure on. If you’re clear to the point of bluntness I suspect she will respect you much more. And while she might cool things off for a bit if she’s a genuine friend rather than a user you can still have a friendship afterwards.

I’d suggest leaving out the “She’s not keen.” because that’s an open door to her getting her daughter to put pressure on your daughter, to get her to say that she is keen. Take your daughter out of this. Just say no.

ldnmusic87 · 19/02/2026 10:43

You need to be firmer, then she'll move on to trying to use someone else for childcare.

gamerchick · 19/02/2026 10:45

Definitely trying to line you up as childcare.

Keep saying no. She'll find someone else to leech off.

Laiste · 19/02/2026 10:46

How old are the kids? Just out of interest.

Ive kept sleep overs down to just one very trusted friend until secondary and even then it's very rare.

This woman's a cheeky cow and the sleepover thing is just the top of the ice berg! I'd scale contact between the girls right down to a simple play date (simple as in she drops her DD to you for a couple of hours and the comes to pick her up again, or vice versa) every month or so and untangle yourself from all the dramatics. Answer messages 24 hours later. I find that takes away a lot of 'push' that some people try to do.

gamerchick · 19/02/2026 10:47

Or if you want to be blunt. Tell her you're never going to be childcare for her and she's to stop asking.

Then block if she keeps on. It's not like she wasn't warned.

I don't get how so many parents have each others phone numbers me. Never been a thing in the 30 years I've been a parent.

toomuchfaff · 19/02/2026 10:49

I wouldnt use your daughter as an excuse. Dont create a triangle.

Sharon, i'm going to be direct. There will never be an occasion where I have your children sleeping over at my house. Stop asking, stop insinuating. Stop.

You dont owe her anything, you dont have to be embarrassed, or smooth it over, you dont have to preserve anything from being awkward.

Dont forget; shes an adult, she knows what she is doing. "oh I didnt realise" bullshit. She knows, and she is relying on you being the one to keep the peace.

Noshowlomo · 19/02/2026 10:49

How old are the girls?

catipuss · 19/02/2026 10:50

She thinks because you wfh you don't work, and can just look after her child for her. If you don't want to do sleepovers you just don't do them.

FlowerFairyDaisy · 19/02/2026 10:52

Really start to pull back. Take ages to reply to her messages and just phase her out. She's a user and people like that don't let up because they are inherently pushy, inconsiderate and selfish.

aBuffetofunreasonableness · 19/02/2026 10:53

'no thanks :)' then archive and mute her messages.
Reply once a month, or not at all.

Original poster
Travelfairy · 19/02/2026 16:35

Noshowlomo · 19/02/2026 10:49

How old are the girls?

9

OP posts:
Original poster
Travelfairy · 19/02/2026 16:36

gamerchick · 19/02/2026 10:47

Or if you want to be blunt. Tell her you're never going to be childcare for her and she's to stop asking.

Then block if she keeps on. It's not like she wasn't warned.

I don't get how so many parents have each others phone numbers me. Never been a thing in the 30 years I've been a parent.

We are all on a class WhatsApp group so we all have eachothers numbers even if our children aren't friends...

OP posts:
Original poster
Travelfairy · 19/02/2026 16:36

FlowerFairyDaisy · 19/02/2026 10:52

Really start to pull back. Take ages to reply to her messages and just phase her out. She's a user and people like that don't let up because they are inherently pushy, inconsiderate and selfish.

Thank you, that's my plan I think

OP posts:
Original poster
Travelfairy · 19/02/2026 16:37

toomuchfaff · 19/02/2026 10:49

I wouldnt use your daughter as an excuse. Dont create a triangle.

Sharon, i'm going to be direct. There will never be an occasion where I have your children sleeping over at my house. Stop asking, stop insinuating. Stop.

You dont owe her anything, you dont have to be embarrassed, or smooth it over, you dont have to preserve anything from being awkward.

Dont forget; shes an adult, she knows what she is doing. "oh I didnt realise" bullshit. She knows, and she is relying on you being the one to keep the peace.

I might have to resort to this although it would be out of my comfort zone 🙈

OP posts:
Letterstojuliet · 19/02/2026 16:39

Are you being too kind in your responses?

I would message “I am not able to have DD over for sleepovers as it’s something we do not do. My DD said she feels pressured by your DD at school do you mind talking to her about this as it’s upsetting DD”

Netcurtainnelly · 19/02/2026 16:39

Why are you being controlling over sleepovers it's part of childhood. Chikdren enjoy it

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