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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD friend MUM pushing for sleepovers

100 replies

Travelfairy · 18/02/2026 22:42

My DD friend Mum who I am reasonably friendly with myself i suspect keeps getting her DD to pressure mine about having sleepovers....

Its something I am not comfortable with and I have said this to the Mum. She leaves it a couple of months and then asks again which I find irritating.

Anyway last week she send me a msg saying that her DD wants a play date with mine tomorrow but she has a dentist appt so her DD 'can go to yours'. I replied i heard nothing of a play date and sorry I cant take her as I WFH and had 2 important meetings scheduled.

She hasn't any in laws/parents available locally to take her kids for overnights (she has 3) and i think she is trying to get a sleepover situation going so she can get me to take her kids when she wants to go away with her DH.

AIBU to think this is cheeky? How would you deal with it? She has form for this type of thing, constantly asking me for favours but never reciprocating! She asked my DH to help design a website for her business as she 'didnt want to pay anyone' and one day rang me at work asking could I drive to hers to pick up her kids and drop to school as her car wouldnt start. Its a 15-20 mins drive from my workplace. I didnt as couldnt leave work but I thought that was also cheeky!

But this sleepover thing is really annoying me because she knows how I feel about them but is pushing the issue indirectly through her DD.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 20/02/2026 17:57

You need to be quite blunt. CF Mum, let me be clear with you and your daughter. My dd will not be having sleepovers at your house nor will we hosting sleepovers and any invite/suggestion from the both of you will be refused. Please stop asking. I am not available to do pickups/dropouts etc so it is pointless asking. My dh hourly rate is x he does not work for free or offer mates rates. I am sure you understand.

twohotwaterbottles · 20/02/2026 17:58

She's a CF

Besidemyselfwithworry · 20/02/2026 18:06

I’ve had this with my eldest
I just said no sorry I have 3 kids of my own and a partner who works shifts and both of us work some weekends
She kept asking me periodically then collared me on a school run and I just said to her face, looking her in the eye “sorry no it’s not happening”
I felt like saying I’m not a babysitting service!
she was a single mum just wanting to be out all the time and a lot younger but she got the message but had a reputation for trying to palm her kid off on anyone who’d take them!

TheMorgenmuffel · 20/02/2026 18:09

At this point, you need to say
I've told you no several times. Please don't ask me again.

Redragtoabull · 20/02/2026 18:33

No / that doesn't work for us / busy breathing / tired etc or just say 'you're a cheeky using freeloader' and leave it there.

RSSN · 20/02/2026 19:30

No way am I letting my child have sleepovers, but yet I have one master manipulator mum who keeps mentioning it. I've lost count of the times I've said NO & I will continue saying No.
It's just so dangerous, this is when most abuse happens. And usually someone you think you know well enough and can trust. Just not worth the risk

Flippingnora100 · 20/02/2026 19:31

There is a parent like this in my son's class. They are always asking if their son can come to mine. I find it weird and annoying. I ask my son and if he wants to and I don't mind, I say yes. If my son doesn't want to or I have something else going on, I say no. I don't let their predicaments sway me - their kids aren't my problem or my responsibility. When the boy is here, I always make him feel welcome though as I feel a bit sorry for him.

CamillaMcCauley · 20/02/2026 19:39

Netcurtainnelly · 19/02/2026 16:39

Why are you being controlling over sleepovers it's part of childhood. Chikdren enjoy it

Lots of people take a cautious approach to sleepovers at homes where they don’t know the parents well.

Frankly, the mum’s boundary-pushing and lack of understanding of social codes would be exactly the kind of red flag that would make me feel refusing a sleepover was absolutely the right choice.

Washingwater · 20/02/2026 19:47

Flippingnora100 · 20/02/2026 19:31

There is a parent like this in my son's class. They are always asking if their son can come to mine. I find it weird and annoying. I ask my son and if he wants to and I don't mind, I say yes. If my son doesn't want to or I have something else going on, I say no. I don't let their predicaments sway me - their kids aren't my problem or my responsibility. When the boy is here, I always make him feel welcome though as I feel a bit sorry for him.

It can be a sign of neglect.

Flippingnora100 · 20/02/2026 19:53

Forgot to add that if you're not overly accommodating, this mum will probably move on to some other schmuck who is easier to bamboozle. That is what has happened in our case. I haven't been asked once so far in 2026! Hooray!

FairFuming · 20/02/2026 20:33

I have a 9 year old DD too and im quite mean in that I dont really like the idea of my kids having sleepovers. They go to my parents and occasionally to my sisters and my 2 closest friends I'd trust enough but we tend to go camping together instead. I dont want to be responsible for a child who I dont know really well and I wouldn't trust another household I dont know really well with my kids. Its weird and so rude that she's pushing like this. I think you need to respond along the lines of "Has no one ever told you that it's rude to ask over and over when you have already been told no? I thought it was basic manners."

Original poster
Travelfairy · 20/02/2026 21:33

FairFuming · 20/02/2026 20:33

I have a 9 year old DD too and im quite mean in that I dont really like the idea of my kids having sleepovers. They go to my parents and occasionally to my sisters and my 2 closest friends I'd trust enough but we tend to go camping together instead. I dont want to be responsible for a child who I dont know really well and I wouldn't trust another household I dont know really well with my kids. Its weird and so rude that she's pushing like this. I think you need to respond along the lines of "Has no one ever told you that it's rude to ask over and over when you have already been told no? I thought it was basic manners."

Edited

I feel like saying that! She'll leave it a few months and then say 'are you STILL not doing sleepovers? As if its something everyone eventually does!

OP posts:
mummytrex · 20/02/2026 21:52

Travelfairy · 20/02/2026 21:33

I feel like saying that! She'll leave it a few months and then say 'are you STILL not doing sleepovers? As if its something everyone eventually does!

Show quote history

If she is rude enough to ask like that, I’d be blunt and say “no, stop asking I won’t be changing my mind”

Chinsupmeloves · 20/02/2026 22:45

She's pushy and clearly can't/won't accept what most of us would from the first sorry, no, wfh, can't do it and then several times.

This is not the sort of person you give an inch to as they will take a mile!

Keep saying no, type in capitals, stop asking me.

RSSN · 21/02/2026 04:18

This is just total manipulative behaviour. I'd heard of it but never experienced it before I'd met this person. She still keeps saying, to my child, right in front of me (in her sqeaky annoying voice) 'You'll have to come for a sleepover' and I just keep saying 'No, I don't allow sleepover's" . I'd say it drives her nut's because my daughter tell's her all excited that she had a sleepover at granny's, but so far I've stayed with her but when she's a bit older granny's is the only place she'll be sleeping over. Just say it straight out to her. If she doesn't like it-tough

RSSN · 21/02/2026 04:33

I'm An Ex-Detective, Here's My Verdict On Sleepovers For Kids | HuffPost Life https://share.google/E8cu7Olvu55DSlMqN

I would't ask the question's as I'm not allowing it anyway but at least this highlights the dangers. Take in the last sentence.

FreddysFingers · 21/02/2026 04:42

Tell her no, unto infinity. And she's a massive CF trying to get work done for free! I'd steer clear.

FlyingApple · 21/02/2026 05:24

Well she can ask all she likes, just make sure your answer is always no.

Drdogooder · 21/02/2026 05:35

I know these types! It’s hard because all of us might ask for a favour from time to time. On the one off the behaviour might be fine but it’s the lack of reciprocation and accepting no with the pushing against polite norms that is not okay.
I agree with the others that a firm response is the best idea. Much more direct than you would ever (need to) be with others. Something like “Hi Sally, we won’t be doing sleepovers. I just wanted to be clear so there wasn’t any miscommunication. I’m also working so won’t

be available for emergency help with the kids. I’m sure you understand. Have a good weekend”. If she asks again after this then block her.

Needspaceforlego · 21/02/2026 05:40

RSSN · 21/02/2026 04:18

This is just total manipulative behaviour. I'd heard of it but never experienced it before I'd met this person. She still keeps saying, to my child, right in front of me (in her sqeaky annoying voice) 'You'll have to come for a sleepover' and I just keep saying 'No, I don't allow sleepover's" . I'd say it drives her nut's because my daughter tell's her all excited that she had a sleepover at granny's, but so far I've stayed with her but when she's a bit older granny's is the only place she'll be sleeping over. Just say it straight out to her. If she doesn't like it-tough

Are you saying you don't trust your own mum / mil? To look after you child without you there? That must be smothering for both of them.

NotMeAtAll · 21/02/2026 06:45

"I said no. Do you not remember? That's a bit worrying. Do you think you're developing a cognitive problem?"

Dollymylove · 21/02/2026 07:23

She's a CF looking for free child care. Stop responding to her messages

ThisDandyWriter · 21/02/2026 07:42

Wow, some of these responses!!
I have no issue with sleepovers and they have provided some of the best memories fir my girls.
im happy to help out (and also like having a favour in the bag for future use).
my children would be less intrusive with a friend over, so that would be a hard yes for me.

i try and be kind and model kindness and helpfulness to my DC.

the website think-my husband woukd be happy to give assistance (obviously wouldn’t do the whole thing but giving an hour or so of his time would be problem).

ThisDandyWriter · 21/02/2026 07:44

RSSN · 21/02/2026 04:33

I'm An Ex-Detective, Here's My Verdict On Sleepovers For Kids | HuffPost Life https://share.google/E8cu7Olvu55DSlMqN

I would't ask the question's as I'm not allowing it anyway but at least this highlights the dangers. Take in the last sentence.

My brother is a firefighter, he still uses candles.

he knows the risks and proceeds with awareness.

RSSN · 21/02/2026 08:03

mil passed away many years ago. And yes of course I will allow her to stay with mum on her own, just haven't needed to yet