Has anyone on here ever made you cry?

[belvitias]

I’m embarrassed to say I have. I don’t really post much anyway. I usually just read and scroll, but I have let some comments get to me before.

One time, someone called me a cunt, which I know isn’t horrendously awful, but it just really got to me. In my 30 years, I think I’ve only used that word once when I called an ex that after I found out he cheated on me. People here throw that word around for the tiniest reasons.

Another time was when I shared my concerns about my sister’s new boyfriend. He was showing signs of being controlling and coercive, and I just didn’t think he was right for her. I was genuinely worried about her and wanted some advice. Omg, the backlash and comments from people asking if I was single, saying I must be because I sounded so bitter and jealous that she had a man. They were saying how lonely and sad I must be to try to ruin her relationship, just really personal and nasty. Yes, I admit it upset me.

I know you need to have thick skin on social media, but it can be hard sometimes. We’re all human at the end of the day. So, just out of curiosity, if you feel like sharing, has anyone on Mumsnet ever upset you that much?

Never due to nastiness, and I’ve had a few thread go off in the wrong direction, but I have cried a few times over the last 20ish years here.

Sometimes replying to posts about losing or missing a parent.

Some made me cry as posters were very kind when my dog was in vet hospital and then we had to let him go while under GA without a chance to say goodbye.

In real life yes. On here, no. Sadly many posters are trolls, I've seen so many on here over the years, that's it's sensible to not get that involved in someone's online life. There was a man posting about his dying wife over a long period of time and it turned out to be made up nonsense.

None of that means I don't feel empathy, and sadness, for posters, but I'd never get invested enough in the life of someone online I don't know (and who might not actually exist) to cry.

I cried following responses to a thread I made. My dad had recently passed away and there were circumstances around the funeral so I asked- how bad would it be if I drove myself to the funeral?
The vitriol against my question was savage.
It was an un wise decision to post but at the time I couldn’t get an un biased opinion.

I wouldn’t say I have ever cried but I have been upset
on a couple of occasions when I bad 6 or 8 people ganging up on me and name calling. I’m all for debate - I enjoy it - but only when they disagree by posting facts and evidence, not when their response is to tell me I’m ‘full of shit’.

Somebody did actually make me cry with laughter though. They told me I knew nothing about autism and it was down to idiots like me spreading misinformation on autism. I took great delight in telling them that I am autistic!

Not made me cry but the only thread that ever upset me was one where I spoke about my DP's struggles in public loos as a masculine presenting woman. So many people accused me of hiding the fact that she was trans, and it made me so upset, because 1) I wouldn't ever date a transwoman 2)transwomen tend to present as feminine and that's so far removed from anything I was asking and 3) I really did think, on a feminist-informed board, that I would have helpful replies and people on here were accepting of lesbianism and that women don't have to be 'skirt and high heels' to be of value and be female.

I did have some helpful replies of course, but the vitriol was something I hadn't experienced on here.

No, I feel too sorry for the very bitter and frankly disturbed posters who are so aggressive. To be so violent, they must be so ugly and lonely, it's disturbing to imagine them gathering so much bile and only finding MN to spill it out because they are so meek in real life.

What made me laugh however, is when faced with some truly nasty posters, I made an equally nasty but sarcastic answer to their post, and the shock and outrage they express faced to their level. Its' quite funny, and they don't get it.

You have to remember that your biggest mistake is assuming people who are abusive on here are on the same level of intelligence.

Often, they are just painfully stupid. Practice saying "you poor thing" in your head before you mentally draft a reply, it helps.

Have a think about what? It's not unusual not to cry at stuff you read on MN. I have empathy and think it's sad but nothing I read on the Internet moves me to tears.

That's just awful,sorry you went through that. Why was it wrong to drive yourself?

Not cry but angry, yes.

My son is disabled and I've had some awful comments about him on here.

Not cried but things have played on my mind.
Someone told me i was a bit wet when i was trying to emd a toxic and emotionally abusive 5 year relationship. It really really affected my already tiny bit of confidence i had remaning

Well that's the sort of example I'm talking about when I say most posters are idiots. I'm often the outlier on a thread and this is why!!!

I came back here after a long break and it's got a million percent meaner! - and more MORAL. I particularly smh at the inevitable "why have you allowed this to happen to you?" to posters in need... There are people who just use nastiness to strangers on here as an outlet for whatever unrelated poison they've built up over the day.

Gosh isn't that true. Turn it back on them and wow!

No, but I'm really sorry it's happened to you, OP. Some people are just nasty, and I'm sure it's got worse in recent years. There's no excuse for being horrible to other people online, I don't know what they get out of it.

No, but I have hurt for some posters. One in particular, a long time ago, who (Assuming it wasn't a troll) was heavily encouraged to leave an appalling relationship but was too fragile mentally and took her own life. Sometimes people have easy answers but don't consider the impact of what they see saying. (Who knows, perhaps I have been guilty of that too).

I do find that I let myself get viciously sneery towards posters of bad faith pushing damaging misinformation/lies and that leaves me feeling that I've let myself down - dropped below my own standards. Not admirable.

I hate how Mumsnet allow the vultures and cruel people to keep on posting though. They clamped down innit for a while but it's back to normal again now. You're walking into the hyena pit if you now post if you're feeling vulnerable.

Not cry but cry with laughter..and frustration. The nastiest response ive ever had was on a lighthearted thread about washing tea towels in with underwear (I don't do this lol)
Said poster was obviously defensive and projecting.

I think often about a certain poster who really went in for the kill with me when I was at such a low and was looking for a handhold/advice. I have to leave my own thread because of it, couldn’t bring myself to even continue reading the absolute venom that came out of her. This was three years ago, and it has crossed my mind often to private message her and ask what the absolute fuck she thought she was doing. But that would mean opening the thread…which I can’t bear to do.. I recall at the time doing and advanced search on her and she had posted some innocent crap about coming home to her cat. I was hoping it was one of those rogue posters but not.

it’s the same as posters saying ‘what on earth..’ when you reveal a small part of yourself. Fuck off with that unkindness too

another time, I had posters mocking me for doing DH laundry, as though I was a complete fuckwit to be doing it and that ‘noone else’ did this. Yes. Fucking mental stuff. There are some nasty ‘cunts’ out there OP

I have shed tears about some heartfelt threads where someone has lost a loved one.

I used to spiral really badly when someone responded to something I’d said that was critical or a bit abrupt even, but I am ND and have quite severe RSD. I don’t have that anymore (online at least) and I’m not sure if that’s because I’ve built up a tolerance or some resilience or if it means I’ve become desensitised. If it’s the latter then that’s worrying because if it’s desensitised me then what is SM doing to others?

I really think that as wonderful as the age of information and connection can be, we were never meant to have access to this many peoples inner thoughts. It’s a noise I cannot shut off and it’s adjusted the way I think about a lot of things, mostly for the worse.

I live for hopecore atm.

The best way to deal with people like this is either to refuse to be provoked or to refuse to engage at all. People like this get off on getting a rise out of you for whatever reason… I don’t understand it at all. I’m sorry they were so mean to you OP. When I can see horrible comments (not even necessarily to me) it helps to remember that you’ll find unexpected kindness and lots of support on MN too.

God that is awful Kirbert2

I’m really sorry that you’ve had to deal with that. It’s totally outrageous and out of order.

No, they don't know me, I don't know them, no investment. Horrible people are just revealing themselves and those kind of people aren't worth the energy.

I have been moved by people's stories but, as not everything on the internet is true, I don't get too invested emotionally either.

I have felt disgust though. Some people here are just awful, twist words, and don't consider that whoever they are attacking might be fragile or vulnerable. Obviously they have their own issues in life and probably aren't very happy, but ugh, the strongest feeling I have felt here is disgust with what some people feel is okay to post.

No and I think people use AI a lot now to be more articulate and hide behind the content.

Try to weed out the rubbish and enjoy the balanced content.

What an odd thing to say.

Surely you must understand that feeling emotions and showing them are two completely different things?

People who don’t cry at things aren’t less caring than people who do. They just internalise things more. Some people face astonishingly distressing things daily as part of their jobs. Do you think they spend their whole day in tears? Of course they don’t. But it doesn’t mean they have any less empathy or kindness than you. It means they have the ability to hold it together, that’s all.

If you can’t comprehend that, then I don’t think you’re a you’re quite as empathetic as you think you are.