Has anyone on here ever made you cry?

[belvitias]

I’m embarrassed to say I have. I don’t really post much anyway. I usually just read and scroll, but I have let some comments get to me before.

One time, someone called me a cunt, which I know isn’t horrendously awful, but it just really got to me. In my 30 years, I think I’ve only used that word once when I called an ex that after I found out he cheated on me. People here throw that word around for the tiniest reasons.

Another time was when I shared my concerns about my sister’s new boyfriend. He was showing signs of being controlling and coercive, and I just didn’t think he was right for her. I was genuinely worried about her and wanted some advice. Omg, the backlash and comments from people asking if I was single, saying I must be because I sounded so bitter and jealous that she had a man. They were saying how lonely and sad I must be to try to ruin her relationship, just really personal and nasty. Yes, I admit it upset me.

I know you need to have thick skin on social media, but it can be hard sometimes. We’re all human at the end of the day. So, just out of curiosity, if you feel like sharing, has anyone on Mumsnet ever upset you that much?

No, never.

I find it helpful to look at MN like a really crowded shopping centre where you'll see a huge mix of people.

Some people will be:

Nice
Nasty
Unremarkable
Mentally ill
NT
ND
Alcoholics
Drug addicts
Boring
Very political
Very religious

And lots and lots of other things.

I'd no more let them get to me and make me cry than I would if I was walking through that shopping centre, as all of them are random strangers.

Only with tales of poorly cats and sweet little rescued kitties

I haven't cried, but I took a break from here for a while as I had posted a thread where I didn't explain myself very well, got attacked for it, and while I could deal with that part (used to seeing that on Mumsnet after all) I was repeatedly PM'd by a particular poster berating me for 'ignoring' their posts. Said poster had been more neutral in the thread but PM'd me to tell me how awful I was because I'd responded to the posters who were challenging me in thread and not directly to them (to thank them? I don't know). At the time I was apologetic but looking back I was annoyed I even replied, it was a fast moving thread and I had shared about going through a difficult time, so quite why they felt the right to demand my attention I don't know.

Not to tears. But I did feel awful.
Divorce stuff.
The poster was completely right. Just very blunt about it.

When you are feeling vulnerable, this place is hard.

No, I view this site like any others as mere entertainment, sometimes I can be bothered to engage and other times I cant.

A few people interest me but most people are idiots, including me!

Yes 🙈 when someone was absolutely adamant that I was not a teacher and could not call myself a teacher and was a liar for saying I was one as I had been a SAHM for five years. They then continued to tell me they would not accept their child being taught by someone like me who had not taught for five years. Batshit in hindsight but I was feeling a bit sensitive about being at home for so many years and it really upset me

I've never actually cried but I have been shocked at how nasty some people can be. I was also called a horrible swear word once and it was by a poster called something like "Bluntness", I still remember their name many years later. This poster definitely lived up to their name but it was a post about something very run of the mill and I couldn't understand how they had got so worked up that they had to resort to such disgusting language. As a long term mumsnetter I'd definitely challenge or report them now but in those days I was very naive and thought everyone would be nice to each other!

Yes. There was a Mum at Xmas time who was so upset about not having enough money to treat her kids and buy them warm jackets and waterproof shoes. Many people gave her good and practical advice.
I would have loved to help. It just tugged at my heart strings.
I've often wondered how they are all getting on now.

Ah OP, some people can be so cruel, and an anonymous forum really does give those cruel people a platform to perform on.

I haven’t cried but I’ve taken a break before because I couldn’t handle the nastiness on every single thread at one point (not even directed at me).
People are way too brave on the internet.

I just remind myself there are people like my MIL who exist who truly get a thrill out of upsetting people for no reason.

No, but I have a skin like a rhino because I’m a dentist and every other patient greets me face to face by telling me how much they hate dentists. My hairdresser asked me how I coped with patients I don’t take to. I told him that I just get on with the job but make sure I do it well. If the patient doesn’t like me then they can tell everyone I’m a miserable git but I do a damn good job.

I try to be polite if I post even if it’s judgemental or critical. Someone even commented on my politeness despite the content. It’s very rare for me to be verbally abusive to someone face to face, professional restraint tends to prevail. So I just apply the same rules to online. I can be sarcastic but it doesn’t always translate in print. I have always advised DS to read twice before posting anything. It gives you time to reflect. And if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face don’t immortalise it forever in print.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve experienced something similar. It’s difficult when you don’t have anyone to discuss issues with in real life, and then you come online, and sure most people are kind and supportive, but there are always a few who can be really nasty and derail the entire thread. As another poster mentioned, it just leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

I’ve been on the receiving end of that poster too, I renamed them in my head but it started with a C 🤣

Re: reporting posts, there are often very harsh opinions on Mumsnet that wouldn't be allowed elsewhere. Eg about race, immigration, disability, sexuality etc. Reading lots of people casually talking negatively when those things might reflect you or people close to you can be tough as well, and they aren't necessarily things that would be reportable (a thread today about wanting to move out of a city is the sort of thing I mean) I know there are lots of kinder posters but the volume of those who post freely about certain things can be upsetting if it's close to home.
The difference with other sites is there is still a lot of useful information on Mumsnet, so it is a case of being thick skinned and avoiding certain subjects. I do wish there was an 'ignore user ' function on this forum like there is on some others I use though!

I'm starting to get less polite and stand up for myself on social media. Why should I be the bigger person when it just leaves me feeling too nice and weak. I grow colder the older I get

Had the same when posting about an elderly parent on the Dementia board.

One Poster was an absolute bully, never went back to my own thread and probably will never start another, some
posters love to kick people when they are struggling.

No. Sometimes people are nasty but they don't even know me and if we did know each other, I doubt I'd like them, so their opinions really aren't worth shit to me anyway.

As for sad stories, again, a lot of them aren't real. They're made up clickbait or trolls. Don't get emotionally invested.

I wrote a post similar to this a few weeks back. As I was so shocked with all the spiteful, shaming comments I was reading on posts. However of course I had a line of warriors sat on their sofas ready to call me everything for creating such a post, so of course I deleted it.
Social media really is toxic at the best of times.

Yes, when some poster said I was an unfit mother who shouldn't have had kids. This was because an ex had commented to me that my kids were my life/wanted to see me more. I posted because I couldn't balance the two. I got a real battering. The reality was id left a truly abusive relationship years earlier with two babies, only dated years later. I had family as childcare, and my partner never stayed over. But just the fact that I was trying to please everyone made a poster make some horrible comments.

Not cried but I have actually thought what on earth am I doing conversing with complete strangers on the internet. Especially when they then come for you so ferociously and quickly with a personal attack when all you were discussing was Dairylea or something.

I compare it to when you’re walking through town and there’s a drunk scary woman with no teeth screaming at passers by. I wouldn’t care what she said to me and if I choose to stop get into a debate with her then more fool me.

I decided to take a break from MN because I didn't like the person those nasty posters had turned me into - being argumentative and sarcastic.
Then I thought, that's silly, it's down to me to rise above things and be less sensitive.
It is a big of a vipers' nest here sometimes though..

I dont know why people dont just ignore these types though?

These people are nothing to you. I dont even notice posters names, I could be responding to myself for all I know!!

I had to stop responding to someone today on another thread because they were talking utter shite, I just stop responding, takes away their oxygen.

And the worst part about it, was that I was then blocked from the site. I can only guess it's because the mods listened to some people saying it was a fake sob story. No email no nothing I thought it was an accident so after a while when I wanted to come back on the site I just used a different email address and joined. Now randomly I get blocked for "the previous blocking" ie I'm a troll or something. I don't care if someone reports this or mumsnet picks this up and blocks me again because frankly, apart from the few lovely kind people on this site the atmosphere is toxic and at times the staff are no better.

I think it's easy enough to avoid (and report) the very obviously nasty posters. But there are some on Mumsnet who seem to be just about polite enough but know how to get to someones weak spot, like a PP said questioning their parenting ability at a time when they already felt vulnerable about it.
I do find Mumsnet unusual in that over time, most moderated places online that I see have become stricter about online bullying or things like racism, whereas Mumsnet seems to tolerate it more. I don't know if that's intentional or just because of the size of the site/number of moderators.

What others think of you is none of your business

Someone very wise told me that years ago, and its changed how I feel about unkindness directed towards me.

Yes, I cried at the responses I got to my first post

I was upset because I’d had a traumatic birth and my (useless) partner at the time left the hospital asap. I was really laughed at and ridiculed, “what did you want him to do, watch you sleep 😂” was the one that sticks out. I wanted him to make sure I was ok, to have some vague care or concern after hours of hell. Apparently that made me pretty pathetic

for context I was 19, looking back I was a kid. Having adult women pile on me like that was the last thing I needed. For those saying it never used to be this bad this was 16 years ago

I’ll never understand pile ons or being spiteful when someone needs support, you’d have to be a solid gold piece of shit to kick anyone when they’re down