Letting 16 year old DS have girlfriend sleep over?

[VoteForPedro]

My DS has a girlfriend, they are both 16 and turning 17 in the next few months. Been seeing each other for a good few months. His gf has only been over a few times to hang out in the evening. He said she doesn’t have a lift home after a party they are going to soon. I’m wondering whether to offer her to stay?

AIBU to say she can stay over? Not sure whether to allow them to sleep in the same (single) bed 😬 or for her to have his bed and he sleeps in with his brother in another room. Or just say no to it and she has to find somewhere else to stay or find a lift home.

It all seems a bit grown up but I’m aware what age they are too 🙈. This is all new territory for me as she’s DS’s first gf, WWYD?

Perhaps they don't want to have sex yet?
Perhaps they don't feel ready for it?

You are automatically assuming every 16 year old wants a sexual relationship. No wonder young people feel so pressurised.

OP is entirely reasonable in not enabling these 16 year olds to jump into a sexual relationship.

I would offer to let her sleep over, but be clear it would be separately.

When DS had a girlfriend stay over when he was about 14, she had his bed and he had a blow-up on the lounge floor, which the dog enjoyed sleeping on too 🤣

I preferred my daughters to have the boyfriends over at mine rather than them staying at theirs At least I knew then if they had an argument then FDs were already safely home

@LastSeenDancing not sure why it sounds like something is off? DS said to me today they are going to a party, his GF can’t get a lift home so is wondering where to stay. He’s had his male pals stay over before so I said ‘you’re a bit young for her to be staying over’ and he said ‘she can maybe ask X (girl who’s having the party) but could she maybe stay here if she can’t?’ I said probably not but if she did it would be in separate beds. Then I got thinking what is reasonable so posted on here as it’s all new to me.

Because your son has told you they’re not having sex but you think it’s ok to offer for her to stay and possibly in a single bed with your son. That’s really weird.

Absolutely some people are over invested
My mum never nosed in my sex life thankfully and I was fine

I’d offer for her to stay but in separate rooms. If they’re not having sex yet it could put way too much pressure on things to allow them
to share a room

Why on earth would you even contemplate her staying in the same single bed as him then if they haven’t had sex yet? That’s putting her in a really awkward situation - that’s the weird thing about your post.

I would possibly let stay, but her in his room and him in with his brother, and I likely read the riot act about not sneaking into his room when he thinks everyone is asleep. But being a party, and them 16, I would guess alcohol will be consumed, so maybe that would make too much temptation for them…

My DD’s bf at 16 wasn’t allowed to stay over, his parents wouldn’t have allowed it. They made it clear that they didn’t want any sleepovers and we completely agreed. Don’t feel that you have to offer, @VoteForPedro, she can stay with a friend.

DD and her then-bf weren’t having sex elsewhere, many teenagers aren’t ready at that age.

Not too young. In 18 months they could be at Uni living completely separate from you. I'd allow her to stay but have a conversation about contraception, respect and not making this a super regular thing.

Yes, that really weird and I agree with the poster who said something feels off.

@VioletBees Yes, once they’re adults they can do what they like and some parents prefer not to encourage sleepovers until then.

People saying something feels ‘off’ are overthinking, OP is asking for advice as she’s not sure what is normal and it’s her first time dealing with it.

Agree she either stays elsewhere or stays in a different room. My boyfriend stayed overnight at mine in my bed from 6 months plus, we were 17 (about to be 18) and nearly off to uni. I had a double bed. With his parents we were 18 and had been together a year and we stayed in spare room as he had a single bed. Both/either were fine in my view.

Speak to her parents if you’re not sure but no reason she can’t stay over separately.

I don’t think so. How would any parent not realise that offering your 16 year olds gf to stay over in a single bed together when they’re not having sex, is not appropriate? Something isn’t adding up.

He’s asked if she can stay if she has no where else to go and can’t get a lift.
I say that’s ok, nice of him to be asking to be honest and shows respect. He could have sneaked her in and you could have woken up to her at breakfast!
I think you can offer her a place to stay, you can set some ground rules that you are comfortable with and I’d make sure to speak to her parents too.
Id be having a conversation about safe sex and also consent.
You don’t want to feel uncomfortable in your own home but you have to appreciate he’s getting older and if he’s got a girlfriend will be having sex at some point.
Time for a double bed for his next birthday!!!

I didn't let my kids' bfs stay over. It would have been the same for gfs.

I’d offer stay over as I would any friend but diff rooms

I can’t see an issue with her staying over at all( in a separate room) . I’d rather that than she took a taxi home alone .

Use it as an opportunity to get to know her.

she can stay in his room alone and it’s about trusting them.

id rather they were both in a safe place after the party tbh.

Why is it a lot of pressure ? I had a wonderful boyfriend in 6th form a very positive expeeience, Dd is 19 she has been with her bf since she was 15. Your attitude is alien to me.

It’s a lot of pressure because their relationship hasn’t reached that stage yet, and here’s the boys mum trying to push that on to her.

She isn't She's asking what she should do. And yeah let the girl stay and the boy can bunk in with brother. No pressure and everyone happy ( except maybe brother)

Yes she is. Her post included this as an option for after the party. Not a ‘would this be ok at some point in the future’.

An option. Not that's what should happen