24 yo DD is actively trying to pursue a relationship with a 40 year old, talk me down

[ByKookyPombear]

She isn’t listening and I think the age gap is wrong.

It's not that similar. The other couple would be the equivalent of 24 and 52. 11 more years.

I can see why a 40 year old man could be attractive to a 24 year old. They largely grew up before smartphones and social media so have maybe avoided a lot of red pill content that younger guys have been exposed to.

In saying that, I’m 47 and the thought of being with someone 16 years older than me is grim. Maybe if it were the right person I wouldn’t mind but it definitely feels like a big gap.

they are together but is she happy?

I was with a guy 13 years older than me when I was in my early to mid 20s. We were together for five years and really loved each other, had lots of lovely times together. Ironically we split because HE couldn’t get his shit together in terms of future planning, house that wasn’t a house share etc! Just let it happen and be there for her if she turns to you with problems.

This is what I'd gently point out, 10 years gap becomes higher as time goes on

As for bring 41 and 60 yuk

I had a lovely relationship with someone who was 14 years my senior. We met when I was 22 and were together for five years.

The age didn’t matter to me. We didn’t get married in the end. The relationship ended amicably. I met someone soon after and had a lovely family. It was just a part of my life. He was nicer company than other men my age at the time and none of it did either of us any harm. My parents were fairly cool about it as well.

You don't like it and you probably think others (eg your friends) will judge her. But my husband and I are similar age gap and have a wonderful relationship. Sure, I wouldn't tell my friends to go out looking for an age gap relationship, the usual lines about baggage, kids and care in old age aren't untrue. But each relationship should be judged on its own merit. You love who you love.

Could be worse, my university ex boyfriend (age appropriate 🤣) was awful for me, did a ton of drugs and, it later transpired, cheated multiple times.

Don't blame you. It'll all end I tears, either now or in 20 years when he has hair growing from his ears and nostrils. All you can do is warn her, and then tell her "I told you so..."

As long as he treats her well, he isn’t controlling of her, and she’s happy it has nothing to do with you. She’s an adult. Making an issue of it now will only make it harder for her to leave if something does go wrong.

Genuinely, if it does go wrong, why would you say "I told you so" instead of supporting your daughter during her breakup? What does anyone gain from that?

MIL is 17 years younger than FIL. It was fine till he got Alzheimer's.