People who just talk about themselves….

[Floradon]

Had a friend stay at the weekend. Someone I’ve known since school and don’t see regularly as we live hours apart. She sort of invited herself but I was happy to host.

I was pretty surprised at the conversation to be honest. She spends a lot of time talking in great detail about her day to day life - who did what at work, updates on her friends/family (who for the most part I don’t know or have maybe met once or twice). Things like her SIL moved to a new commuter town, it’s really nice, but it takes her 90 minutes to commute into London and the local school isn’t great.

After the weekend, I know SO MUCH about her life - that her kids have sausage and broccoli every Thursday and Mac n Cheese on Fridays, that the facilities manager at her work is useless and has just been fired. Etc etc. She’s not got any hobbies so it’s just really work and kids. I tried to generate conversation - she said she was going on holiday soon to somewhere I had been for example and I asked what she wanted to do and what her interests were there but it’s very hard to get anything out of her.

With most friends obv we do chat about life but mostly talk about ‘other things’ that interest us. Or we have shared interests. It’s not like we are debating international politics all the time but we don’t just talk about our day to day lives.

So what’s normal? Are people actually interested in this level of detail of their friends’ lives? Or is she just a bit self absorbed/boring?! The weekend felt so hard I honestly don’t think I could do it again!

YABU - this is normal and people do enjoy hearing about the ins and outs of friends lives

YANBU - she lacks conversational skills and awareness

Lots of people do this and it’s painful. And it’s always the boring ones.

No, it's not normal to honk on about yourself for an entire weekend. I went out for dinner with a colleague I was friendly with a few years ago, and she talked about herself for the whole evening. That was not a lot of fun and I haven't repeated the experience. A whole WEEKEND of being talked at and bored to death sounds mind numbing

Some people are like this - don't seem to realise that a conversation is a two way thing, or at least it should be. You don't have to put up with it though

I’ve got a friend like this. She’s quite upbeat and positive, and can be quite interesting, so I carry on seeing her because she does have good qualities. But I do feel I’d like more of an exchange, conversationally.

aparently in some social psychology books its good to let others talk as apparently they trust you more because you listen to them chatting ?

Has she always been like this, or has her world become small and she doesnt realise she's boring now?

I ask because I recently lost one of my friends this way. Every time we met I just listened to her complain about the petty minutae of her life. I don't want to live like that. I want to have fun and connection with my friends.

YANBU, unless you are a celebrity with a deep mine of top celebrity gossip, assume no one is really interested unless it’s funny. Everyone’s life is tough, it’s hard enough without a long list of complaints to listen to in your spare time.

Also: anyone who talks about their work colleagues by name, assuming you remember exactly who they are: shoot me now.

Some people are their own public broadcasting service. As there’s no off switch and I’ve experienced this more times than I’d like (and have to experience colleagues/relatives with this thoroughly uncharming and boring trait who think the minutiae of their life / work is fascinating), I recommend the following:

Develop your bored/glazed eyes look
Look at your phone and say something boring like “ oh I just need to read this - it’s my utility provider” (or something equally dull)
Change the subject when they’re in mid flow to something random “ oh look a magpie” or whatever
Leave the room to go to the toilet when they’re mid flow drivelling
Yawn
Say you’re feeling really tired and say you need a nap
The menopause reduces my tolerance of rude & boring people.

I've got a friend like this. Whatever you say she cuts you off and talks about her own life. It's never interesting. She did it when I was telling her I was engaged.

Definitely. I have some work colleagues like this-I know so much about them, their husbands, kids, pets and parents it’s unreal! Yet, I don’t think they could even name any of my children!

And its always moaning and negativity.

On the flip side, these people can be very relaxing. You can:

Tune out and plan your next holiday whilst occasionally saying "Oh, really?".

Or

Play a game called "What an I really saying?", if you have a stealth boaster.

Nah. They are just self absorbed

My mum was like this. It's so alienating.

My s.i .l does this! Every time.
So boring and very stressful/tiring to spend any time with.

that too

Presumably this is a new thing? As you've only just noticed? Has she lost herself a bit?

Some people can be incredibly boring, and some people chat relentlessly about the minutae of day to day life. I dont mind this sort of chat from work colleagues because it's mostly just filling the time with people you maybe don't have much in common with, but all weekend from a friend would finish me off, especially if you try to make more interesting conversation.

I think we all know at least one person like this. Bloody draining, boring and selfish. But I always left the ‘conversation’ feeling guilty I had been rude because I was so bored and disinterested and kept making excuses to leave!!!! After a decade of knowing her I now avoid her like the plague as I am old enough and wise enough to know that NO ONE is interested in that level of mundane self absorbed monologue. In fact next time I do bump into her, I might just have to tell her that I’m really not being rude but I’m really not interested!!!!!

This reminds me of the mum who hated talking to her daughter because she always went too deep and couldn't just shitchat.

OP what interesting topics do you like talking about?

OK so interesting to hear others experiences!
@FlyMeToTheSpoon and @Giraffemug30 i don’t think it’s completely new no. But maybe since she had kids/got more involved in her work and did less outside of that? I do think she has quite a small world and no hobbies and limited social life. I have noticed her conversational style before but we are part of a friendship group so when I see her it’s not usually 1-1. Plus because I live a long way away it’s once a year with a group of friends. A weekend together was a bit of a shock.

Any coping mechanisms for people like this? I did try and redirect conversation a bit but she just completely doesn’t respond if it’s something not about her - eg I tried to tell her about the city we live in a bit as we were wandering around (Edinburgh so a few interesting things to say - history, culture, architecture etc) but she just nods and doesn’t respond or engage and then goes back to talking about herself.

And yes like PPs said a lot of it is complaining about work and life. Found it very draining! I’m quite a sociable person and usually feel positive and energised from being around other people but felt completely exhausted by it.

Do it Olive! Can’t bear people like this. There was a whole other thread with a vocal minority saying they never ask questions of anyone either because it’s rude! Insane So they are like this woman then.

Quite. And if you do manage to tell them something (although I’m loathed to do so now) they never refer to it in the future or forget it completely. Even if it’s something significant like a child getting married or spouse having major surgery. Totally self referential and tedious company.

I’m happy talking about a few different things to be honest. I travel a lot which is probably my main hobby, but I do the usual stuff, read, exercise, I’m learning a language, studying for a masters. I read the news although don’t tend to spend ages talking politics. I love being outdoors and hiking, running, taking pictures. I am a foodie. It’s pretty normal amongst my work colleagues and most friends to find some common ground amongst all of that.

I don’t think I’m the most interesting or exciting person and I guess because of that I’m not usually talking at length about my life. Im usually a good listener and happy to talk through a problem with someone (friends have said I’m good for advice etc) but talking through something is different to listening to someone moan about general life.

Yes I feel guilty because I wasn’t enjoying the time and felt I was verging on showing it! Although I obviously didn’t as she’s suggested going away for a weekend later in the year together!

I have different conversations with different people. Admittedly I don’t have loads of friends, but I have one where we have quite deep conversations, more about feelings and we analyse things quite deeply.

But another friend is very factual - she talks about what she’s been doing etc. so I could tell you all about what she’s been up to, but I couldn’t tell you how she is / how she’s feeling

Why has the first poster quoted the OP?!?! It's right there?!?

Anyways.

Yanbu, op.

I have colleagues like this: I literally know her parent's ailments, she never ever asks questions about me. Ever.

It's mind boggling. So I now avoid -