People who just talk about themselves….

[Floradon]

Had a friend stay at the weekend. Someone I’ve known since school and don’t see regularly as we live hours apart. She sort of invited herself but I was happy to host.

I was pretty surprised at the conversation to be honest. She spends a lot of time talking in great detail about her day to day life - who did what at work, updates on her friends/family (who for the most part I don’t know or have maybe met once or twice). Things like her SIL moved to a new commuter town, it’s really nice, but it takes her 90 minutes to commute into London and the local school isn’t great.

After the weekend, I know SO MUCH about her life - that her kids have sausage and broccoli every Thursday and Mac n Cheese on Fridays, that the facilities manager at her work is useless and has just been fired. Etc etc. She’s not got any hobbies so it’s just really work and kids. I tried to generate conversation - she said she was going on holiday soon to somewhere I had been for example and I asked what she wanted to do and what her interests were there but it’s very hard to get anything out of her.

With most friends obv we do chat about life but mostly talk about ‘other things’ that interest us. Or we have shared interests. It’s not like we are debating international politics all the time but we don’t just talk about our day to day lives.

So what’s normal? Are people actually interested in this level of detail of their friends’ lives? Or is she just a bit self absorbed/boring?! The weekend felt so hard I honestly don’t think I could do it again!

YABU - this is normal and people do enjoy hearing about the ins and outs of friends lives

YANBU - she lacks conversational skills and awareness

YANBU
Can’t stand people like that.

I think we all know someone like this! I know I do. Not exactly a friend,more a friend of a friend (thankfully!). I come away feeling drained after spending any time in her company as she just talks constantly about herself. No interest in what anyone else has going on at all. And if you try to steer the conversation away from her, somehow she always manages to steer it back again.

Great typo there! At least, I hope it's a typo.

Yes. I know someone like this. She speaks in a very intense way, so you feel you have to concentrate otherwise you'll miss something momentous. But it's just something about her neighbour's holiday. She repeats ad nauseum too. Last time I saw her, after an hour I had a headache. I can guarantee she doesn't know my DC's name.

Why are people like this? Why do they think we want to hear them monologue about themselves and people we don't even know?

Can someone that does this explain why?! I am safe now as none of my friends are like this (hence why they are my friends) and I don’t have work colleagues.

Oh god, that was an infuriating thread 😄. Anyone who had the audacity to prefer an equal, two-way conversation was rude, cruel and so dull they only ever asked about people's jobs or children (which is apparently comparable to asking about their choice of contraception and bank details).

Sorry everyone.... I shouldn't open up that old can of worms. As you were...

I know any few like this, but ine ftiend is the worst. I only knock about with her because our children are good friends...

She goes on and on about herself anf her kids, in the most minute of boring details.

I listen and nod and ask questions, show interest. This goes on for an hour. I try to get a sentence in about me or my life. Queue bored look, and then another comment or rant about her. I listen and nod and ask questions for another hour. Try to mention something interesting I heard on the telly/ news/ from a friend. Complete blank expression, no interest at all.

Ive now taken to sitting there woth a glazed look, and walk off now and then to the vending machine while shes talking.

I cant take much more.

YANBU

yes, the 48 laws of power book

Hm the incessant talkers I have known tend to relay incomplete, incorrect or very surface level info about what others have said, which I think just confirms they're terrible at listening.

Many people have lost self awareness and have no interest in anything but themselves.

The world is full of them. I think it's a form of narcissism. They're the type who are always posing and posting selfies.

I have a friend who does this either over voice note and they are incredibly long or if we meet she talks at me mostly.

she sort of knows she does it because occasionally she stops herself talking and ask something about me but will quickly interrupt to bring the conversation back to her.

I find myself questioning her motives to meet for coffee because I feel as if she just wants to offload. It’s rarely anything meaningful.

i’m wondering if I’m too good at active listening sometimes. That said, I tend to tune out of a lot of conversations and can’t even remember what it said. I do retain information about her ex-boyfriend‘s colleagues wife’s social life! For some odd reason!

As someone else said up thread - people like this must listen because they talk about other people In such detail. To me, though it feels like gossip, I always wonder if she talk so much about other people does she also gossip to other people about me?

It’s very tricky

I stopped seeing a friend for this reason. I don’t think she knows she does it, but she talks non stop about herself. Telling me about people I don’t know and turning every story into a big drama. I’d come away from seeing her with the realisation that she’d not asked me one thing about myself and every conversation would steer us back to her life.

Get you.

I work with one of these

We have to make a conscious effort not to totally blank her or lose it with her in case we get accused of bullying 🙄

Yes, there is always one person in a social group like this and its tedious AF.

Noone cares about the daily minutiae of your boring life or what you eat for breakfast etc It shows a severe lack of social skills to monologue about your own life and never once ask about anyone else or listen to anyone else.

I avoid such people nowadays, life is too short and too precious

Maybe she’s not very happy. Next time interject and say “ Are you ok? You sound really unhappy.” It might be enough for her to realise this is the impression she’s giving as she may ask why you think that.

I work with someone who has told me all about her grown up chn, what they study and what jobs they do, or apply for. I know where the eldest has been travelling etc . She always tells me which lovely adult only resort she’s going to because “ it’s just the best’ and she can’t wait. Has never asked me once and we are a similar age and have similar age children. It’s a weird thing as I don’t think she is aware.

I used to work with someone very similar, I knew everything about her life, she didnt know or ask a single thing about mine. Even when I deliberately commented on my life when she stopped to draw breath from one of her monologues she kind of looked at me blankly as if she didnt know how to process that information, paused, and then went straight back to talking about herself!

It was like watching a computer malfunction 🤣 I also think she had no clue she was doing it, but then I think- surely, you must know you've told me every single detail about your life and know jack shit about mine, surely?!

My elderly dad does this. Totally dominates the conversation. Then he asks how I'm going okay. He asks how my children are and if I try and tell him how they are he carries on with his monologue. Yes he has an extremely varied life. Yes I've told him more than once he is dominating the conversation. Nothing changes 🙄

Monologuing has become more common.

Even the ones who have been taught that it’s rude to talk at someone without asking questions only really notice in the farewell section of the conversation.

They belatedly try and ram in some “Oh but how are YOU?” as if it isn’t patently obvious they have no interest in you other than as a receptacle for their word vomit.

I hope the rise of AI will allow them to natter endlessly to an audience who never tires and finds it all extremely fascinating.

This is a really good point. I was about to agree with @myrosegoldlifeas my MIL tells me endless minutiae about the lives of her neighbours - I’ve never met these people but I know incredible details about their health and the states of their marriages, whereas she apparently has zero interest in asking about our lives including those of her grandchildren. But on reflection, I know that what she tells me about her DD (my SIL) is not accurate so it is likely that the stuff about the neighbours is also invented. It’s so strange.

I have a friend who is training to be a therapist and she only talks about herself. We see each other occasionally and I’m very fond of her. She didn’t comment on my pregnancy or when I saw her a year later say anything about the baby I had with me. It’s fascinating.

A therapist? 🤣