Literally does not care

[Myfannyhurtsagain]

I need to write this in here cos I need to know if I’m going mad or not.

Me and DP use dildos sometimes along with other toys, we haven’t in a while cos they make me spot and I get so sore. We found one the other day tucked away in the cupboard well, I found it and I thought I’d use it to surprise him with. I did that and he loved it. Problem is it gave me the worst thrush I’ve ever had in my life , on top of that I’m on the pill so I suffer with dryness and I used no lube so now I’ve also got friction burns.

DP wanted me to do the same thing tonight. Despite me telling him earlier before we used it again I need to get lube, he said ok. I’ve also got one more treatment left to use up to get rid of this thrush. He’s now forgotten what he said and that he never agreed with me that we needed to use lube.

apparently I always use excuses all the time and other women would just do it? I’m sorry but I can’t even open my legs properly im so fucking sore and uncomfortable. I only used it for him in the first place anyway cos I knew he liked it🤣 and also on the pill for him cos he refuses to wear condoms and refuses to get the snip.

is this normal behaviour ? Do I need to just suck it up and stop being a drama queen ? He’s now sleeping downstairs refusing to speak to me cos his needs aren’t met 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wish I could meet his needs but my fanny is fucking sore , it stings so bad when I wee. I’ll be going back to the gp on Monday cos it hasn’t even cleared up!

this is awful OP

Do not do this FFS

Drama queen. Jesus OP, you need to find the strength to tell him what a vile little pos he is and go. Never look back. Tell his parents what a prince they've raised. He's repulsive.

Coercive and rapey.

Not a man you should.tolerste, never mind try to please.

Imagine how much happier you would be if you didn't have to psyche yourself up to be his sex doll to earn his approval and avoid his moods.

It's not normal at all.

And you aren't spotting, you're literally bleeding.

Bleeding, friction burns, dryness, thrush.. just why are you putting yourself through it?

He is an abusive arsehole - and that is where I would stick the dildo!

Dump this pathetic loser - what kind of man doesn’t care about his partner, never mind not giving a shit about pleasuring her?! He is such a turn off 🤢

He's vile.

I've recently had a vulval biopsy for skin irritation/ possible lichen sclerosus. Doctor said no sex for two weeks. My husband wouldn't even dream of trying it for fear of hurting/injuring me.

How do you think yours would react if you'd had a procedure like that? Bet you he'd be trying to persuade you to ignore medical advice in order to 'meet his needs'.

Are you actually human, to him? Does he understand you have feelings?

When you found a dildo in a cupboard you washed it before using it right?

You probably have an allergy to them. Try glass or a high quality non porous silicone. And get a good pH balanced lube. Not that durex cheap shit.

No obviously you're not unreasonable to want to hurt your vagina again for his pleasure.

Is this a joke?
you are sore and he’s sulking???
genuinely- LTB

I sort of had this a few years back with my then boyfriend. We had lots of sex on holiday and I ended up getting thrush and had to go to the chemist. He went along with me but I think was secretly disappointed that there was no sex whilst I recovered. We were both young though.

I wouldn’t necessarily say LTB but I’d be having a strong word with him about this. Oh and put the tea tree oil in his shower gel and shove the dildo up his bum too!

Sorry for late reply guys been chilling with the kids as it’s been such a windy wet day!

he’s laid upstairs , all day. Barely spoken to me, but he’s told me he’s lost interest in me, again. This happens when he feels he isn’t getting his sexual needs met. I said thats fine but I gave you no impression we was going to do anything sexual and he just said it doesn’t matter always an excuse and I’m boring so I just said ok and shut down.

im not one to argue so i cant be arsed if I’m honest.

Going to boots tomorrow to get some more canesten so hopefully that works.
about the size, yes bigger the better however I have put my foot down recently so now I get the choice.
I don’t dislike them, but if me and him split up, I’d never use one on myself at all.

Im goin to let him get on with his shit and get over his mood, and when he wants to know me. I won’t be there, he can fuck off

its sad to hear they’re kids living with horrible man op. Can you get them and you away from him before they get any sense that this is a normal relationship?

Would you be happy if one of your kids described this as their relationship in the future? You wouldn't. But right now your kids think this is okay, and are learning that is how a relationship works- refusing to speak or engage because mum didn't do whst dad says. That is stonewalling, it's extremely unhealthy. Don't wait for him to be ready to talk, use this time to start getting yourself out of this relationship so that don't allow him to disrespect you. But also, you trach your children what is and isn't acceptable behaviour in a relationship. The atmosphere in your home is awful, if you split you will love the fact you aren't walking around pm eggshells, and will have a happy, emotionally safe home.

Excellent advice here. As pp have said, he sounds awful.
I hope you heal soon.

This is sexual coercion. He is trying to manipulate you into sexual acts you have said no to. Ignoring you to control you is abuse.

Id also be questioning where this dildo came from. Was it one you knew about?

"Im goin to let him get on with his shit and get over his mood, and when he wants to know me. I won’t be there, he can fuck off"

Well done for dumping him. He's abusive and coercive.

... apparently I always use excuses all the time and other women would just do it?

Saying someone is making "excuses" for not having sex, rather than "giving reasons" for not having sex, shows a basic misunderstanding of consent. And I strongly suspect that the only (other) women your DP knows are Rosy Palmer and her five sisters. Leave him to them.

I don't know why you are with a guy who has no compassion, no empathy and no understanding. You aren't his slave. I wouldn't tolerate his attitude..

I mean, this. He sounds awful.

Saying someone is making "excuses" for not having sex, rather than "giving reasons" for not having sex, shows a basic misunderstanding of consent

Exactly. This is important.

So he wanted you to be sore and uncomfortable for his sexual need? Re-read that several times. He would have been happy if you agreed despite knowing you’re in a lot of pain. And he isn’t speaking to you?? Seriously, can’t say this loud enough LTB. You deserve so much more.

Agree with this

jokes aside OP I think you’re underestimating how fucked up this, he’s trying to coerce you into sex. I had similar in the past and I feel sick that I went along with it, I know you haven’t but the fact that he’s trying to pressure you into sex is fucking disgusting

also the no condoms is a red flag for me. It’s always been my measure of how entitled a man is, “you can mess up your hormones (you women have an easy ride anyway) because I am not putting a condom on for my 5 pumps”

Jesus Christ what have I just read.

why does he enjoy using dildos on you. Is his cock a bit too small and useless?
If you wouldn’t use them if you split up then you don’t enjoy them so stop using them.

also get rid of this absolute twat of a man. Who the fuck does he think he is. I feel sick thinking about his behaviour

This is such abusive behaviour from him. I’d actually wonder if he gets off on knowing you’re in pain and that’s why he wants to do it again.

Use the time he’s giving you silent treatment to think about if you want to continue with this relationship.

“however I have put my foot down recently so now I get the choice“

Read that bit back to yourself again. Now you get the choice?

You should always have had the choice.