Literally does not care

[Myfannyhurtsagain]

I need to write this in here cos I need to know if I’m going mad or not.

Me and DP use dildos sometimes along with other toys, we haven’t in a while cos they make me spot and I get so sore. We found one the other day tucked away in the cupboard well, I found it and I thought I’d use it to surprise him with. I did that and he loved it. Problem is it gave me the worst thrush I’ve ever had in my life , on top of that I’m on the pill so I suffer with dryness and I used no lube so now I’ve also got friction burns.

DP wanted me to do the same thing tonight. Despite me telling him earlier before we used it again I need to get lube, he said ok. I’ve also got one more treatment left to use up to get rid of this thrush. He’s now forgotten what he said and that he never agreed with me that we needed to use lube.

apparently I always use excuses all the time and other women would just do it? I’m sorry but I can’t even open my legs properly im so fucking sore and uncomfortable. I only used it for him in the first place anyway cos I knew he liked it🤣 and also on the pill for him cos he refuses to wear condoms and refuses to get the snip.

is this normal behaviour ? Do I need to just suck it up and stop being a drama queen ? He’s now sleeping downstairs refusing to speak to me cos his needs aren’t met 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wish I could meet his needs but my fanny is fucking sore , it stings so bad when I wee. I’ll be going back to the gp on Monday cos it hasn’t even cleared up!

Ltb

What are you doing with him? Seriously. I just don’t get it.

So he’s prejudicing your mental and physical health with his coercive and abusive behaviour around demanding/sulking when he doesn’t receive sex, trying to coerce you into sex when you are in physical pain due to a medical issue you’re undergoing treatment for, and also by forcing you to take the pill because he cant take responsibility for his dick. This man doesn’t see you as anything more than a hole existing for the fulfilment of his own needs, and you deserve far better than that. I’m really sorry.

YANBU. He’s an inconsiderate cruel arse.

Either throw the dildo away because it’s probably infected, or sterilise it by boiling it if it’s a suitable material.

He doesn’t get a vote about lube when it’s your body that the object is being inserted into. He can choose lube or not when he’s the one being inserted into.

I hope that the doctor can give you a decent thrush treatment and get your body back to pain free.

You're right, he doesn't care about you as a human being. He cares that you are a tool that exists for his sexual pleasure. Your pain is pissing him off because you are malfunctioning in your role as tool for his sexual gratification. He doesn't want to hear about your pain or your feelings! This is annoying to him like when the vacuum stops working, or the toaster.
This is actually quite chilling OP.

I would come off the pill, it's not working for your body. If he wants sex again (why even would you), he can use a condom and stop giving you thrush.

I think he'd quite like it if she did.😂

He's abusive. Why stay with someone who cares do little? Dump him.

He doesn't even have 'needs', he has wants and these shouldn't come before your well being. He is abusive and it doesn't matter if he is 'nice and funny' sometimes as it doesn't cancel out the abuse.

He sounds horrendous. I doubt it’s just the pill and thrush making it difficult to have sex with him. He sounds like a huge fucking turn off. My vagina would have clamped shut to this horrible dickhead

I couldn't scroll on but wtf. Is he feeling ok? You are in pain???

Dump the abusive bastard

This post really triggered me, as I’ve recently ended an eighteen year marriage with someone like this. I don’t know why I condoned it for so long - low self esteem, lack of self worth, desperation to make a commitment work… I don’t know. I do know that it became a billion times harder to leave once we had children, so I urge you to make the bravest and best decision and walk away.

It’s not ok for him to prioritise his needs over yours so violently.
It’s not ok that he invents agreements that do not incorporate your comfort and best interests as well as his own.
It’s not OK for him to withdraw affection and cold shoulder you for not complying with his demands.
It’s not Ok for him to insist on sexual practices that hurt you. It’s not ok that you feel obligated or coerced into taking part.
It’s not ok that your body parts are in pain and he STILL ignores that and insists that you service him.
It’s not Ok for him to compare you negatively to other women, and imply that he would be better off with them.

You are worth more on your own than this man will ever allow you to be worth if you stay with him.

ps. Condoms are a decision that you make together, not his unilateral choice. By refusing he is denying you the right to keep yourself safe. The pill can screw up that delicate ecosystem so much as to make sex unbearable, so it is as much your right to ‘insist’ your needs are met equally.

My god. Please re-read what you have written here and consider what advice you would give a friend who told you this! He is unimaginably vile. You need him out of your life quick smart!

This.
Not one person on here has said it is okay.
You deserve someone who cares for you.
So much wrong with what you put in your post, please end this.

He sounds repulsive.

Get rid. He is absolutely vile.

His argument that “other women would just do it” is a revolting attempt to manipulate you (and also a bit bloody rich coming from this pathetic, sulking, embarrassment of a man who won’t even wear a condom - other men just do it, don’t they?)

He’s now sleeping downstairs refusing to speak to me cos his needs aren’t met
He knows you have friction burns and the worst thrush you’ve ever had, to the point that you can’t even open your legs properly because of the pain. What kind of man would be able to experience sexual pleasure knowing he’s hurting you? He’s a fucking pig.

It’s not normal, and you need to end this relationship.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Other women would absolutely not just do it, not unless they'd been so beaten down by an abuser they didn't dare refuse.

He sounds vile. You are not being unreasonable OP, but I don’t have any advice about how you actually deal with this man child. Doesn’t his behaviour turn you right off him?

No man "needs" to stick a dildo into a woman, and any normal man would be repulsed by doing it if he knew he was causing his partner pain.

Tell him if he really thinks other women do this, he's absolutely free to go and find himself one, and pack his bags for him.

He sounds like a spoilt child to be honest. actually far more than that, his behaviour is controlling and abusive.
Just some things to consider:
-you said you used the dildo the night before because he likes it, do you?
-does he do stuff that is for you?
-why is there an issue with using lube? It’s your body. Does he want you to be in pain?
-he is a grown man, yet takes no responsibility for safe sex re condom, but puts that all on you- why?
-what would you be saying to a daughter or friend who is saying I’m in pain but my DP is annoyed I won’t do what he wants sexually?
-how is the rest of your relationship? Is it mainly you pleasing him or does he put you first sometimes?
-how does he show he cares for you?

You absolutely do not need to accommodate this man’s supposed “needs” at the risk of harm to yourself. The fact he has that expectation suggests he is an unpleasant and unsafe man to be with.

No, it's not normal. Trying to coerce you into sexual acts you don't want to do is sexual abuse. Even if you didn't want to do it just because it wasn't your thing that should be respected. Him trying to coerce you into something very painful when you have an infection is disgusting. The sulking about it would put me off him, I wouldn't want him to touch me again.