Inappropriate deep tissue massage

[Purpl]

Yesterday had a deep tissue massage by qualified osteopath. Attached to a sports club. Looks after the team given the sport anticpate is mainly male. Anyway he was a youngish male & im not young. I had trousers on as working on neck shoulders back. All very professional and work was good clearly qualified as ive had issues for years. They can be a bit uncomfortable/tender so concentrating on relaxing. I was face down and hands by side palm. I felt something brush against me his bits thought wtf that embarrassing. Few mins later i was very conscious that it was most definitely his bits firmly in my hand for what seemed a long time but was probably no more than 2 mins. I froze as suddenly second guessing what im feeling. He continued to work on back and waa talking generally i threw in references to husband but basically just ignored. No other issues throughout. This is weird been thinking this morning this couldnt have been an accident twice? Surely? A google online broight this up ill try and upload but it’s exactly what happened. Has anyone else had this? Are there any physios on here? Is this innocent? Im atcually fine but has made me think how vunerable i could have been. I had a male physio for 7 years and this never happened before.

Am sorry that happened to you.

If you want to report would do so to the police, the venue and the body for his occupation, although it could turn out he’s not a member. It does seem a risk that he could do this or worse to others.

Deffo sounds deliberate, there's no way he didn't know his bits were in your hands. I think I would've got up tbh and left. Sorry this happened to you. x

That is horrendous, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I also had an experience when I was having investigations for kidney problems. I was 14 and had to have a catheter to put liquid into my bladder. The doctor put his fingers deep into my vagina, breaking my hymen. I was very confused and embarrassed and sore but thought at the time this must be normal. I remember afterwards when I was changing, a nurse thrust some paper towels at me to clean myself up and she looked at me like a piece of trash. There was a lot of blood. I've never felt so humiliated in my life. This is the first time I've ever mentioned this but I feel like it really damaged me. I've got to have uterine biopsies this week and I'm petrified. Why are men like this??

He is an osteopath so should belong to the General Osteopathic Council.
You can put a concern HERE
They will investigate

To the people saying ‘why didn’t you move’ and ‘I would have just grabbed it’…

Really? You would have definitely had clarity in that moment and acted?

is that the same for the people who have disclosed other assaults here at the hands of medical professionals?

go away with the ‘why didn’t you’ faux naiivity.

and for the guy who has extensive experience thinking it’s likely to be an accident DO BETTER

I work in community nursing and do some highly intimate procedures. Not once have I accidentally assaulted someone because I’m distracted/by accident whatever.

I always assume I’m being filmed and that nothing could ever be misinterpreted.

With your nursing roles there is a lot more of a process. Going to catheterise someone? Of course you will explain what is going to happen. Going to dress a wound? Explain. Need to have someone naked / access to intimate bits? Yes you’ll explain. Massage and related modalities is a lot more fluid. Both parties are vulnerable. Would it shock you to hear that I was molested three times whilst practicing? Once by a (I’m assuming) gay man who turned over with an obvious erection under the towel and guided my hand there and twice by women. One was on her front and started to run her hand up the inside of my thigh until she was in my pants and the other who took my hand and pushed it down her knickers when I was massaging her thigh. On all three occasions I froze. You’re there thinking what the heck is happening. On all three occasions I didn’t report it as where do you start? I refused to see all three again of course. I have also been on the receiving end of what this guy will be shortly. I was doing a nerve tension test which involves you using the front of your thigh to guide the arm upwards whilst you manipulate other parts. I fully explained what I was going to do. Got a letter a year or so later saying accusation of sexual misconduct. I was devastated, couldn’t sleep etc etc. She ultimately redacted the accusation when procedure fully explained. I had zero recollection of the treatment and zero recollection of her.

I stopped doing massage a long time ago in part due to these reasons. You are in a room alone with someone partially undressed. Who’s going to believe me for instance with the two ladies who groped me? Nobody. I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there who do what the OP has accused them of - you’ve only got to look at the HCPTS site to see many stories of men doing exactly this. To simply say do better is far too general and doesn’t anywhere near cover both sides of this.

But you’re agreeing that it does happen. I am really sorry it happened to you. That’s awful. Really horrible. But why when it’s happened to you 3 times would you naturally assume it’s an accident then?

also the false accusation is devastating. But again you used clinical reasoning and professional standards to prove your innocence. if the OP puts in a complaint now then a process can be followed. If the therapist is innocent and can justify what happened and why then hopefully everything will improve from here on in.

Yup. Absolutely it does happen and as I said you only have to look at the professional body sites to realise it happens more than anyone would like. It is usually a male on female dynamic and I despise these men as much as anyone bringing my good character and profession into disrepute. I said at the start of this I have never heard of a technique that needs you to place your genitals into someone’s upturned hand so if that’s what happened then absolutely have at it with the full blessing of me and every other honest manual therapist. I’m so sorry OP if you have been violated, and there is no if or but to that.

In terms of it happening three times to me I am speaking from the other side, I.e the clinician. There was nothing accidental about the three events that I experienced and there are many more incidents that I experienced alongside colleagues of both sexes. There are people who for whatever reason want to get their kinks from you whether you are the client or the masseuse. Speaking as the victim of this it’s an interesting dynamic. Yes I’m a large bloke and could easily have overpowered the people on the table but you just freeze. Well I did. It’s like your mind is thinking is this really happening? What do I do? It took me what felt like an age to pull back or to walk out the room. Then the person pays and walks off into the night making you feel used and upset. And then who will believe me? No witnesses. I’m glad I don’t do manual therapy anymore, both for my aging body as it’s damn hard work and also because there are too many weirdos out there.

In the absolute minuscule chance that was actually what was going on in a professional sense
theres no way on earth you shouldn’t have been advised beforehand

And have you ever rested your genitals in anyones hand for a 2 minute interval? How can anyone be SO distracted, that they fail to notice the most sensitive part of their body is being cupped? And I do wonder if this ever "accidentally" happens to men as much as women? Has it ever happened to you? Somehow suspect not.

Please don't minimise the impast this can have on women. It's sexual assault. If you are so distracted that you fail to notice you are sexually assaulting someone, then I suggest you aren't fit to practice.

Absolute bollocks.

The therapist will have been trained to be very careful about where he is leaning, especially as a man treating a woman. There is no need for any part of his body to touch OP. Of course he knew what was happening. 🙄🙄

And I don’t appreciate your attempts to make excuses for him. 🙄

Do make both of those reports. At the very least he needs to be told to be more careful

Even though given how much time is spent during training focusing on how to handle people without it being an uncomfortable experience he will have been as aware as you were. Make your point and if he contacts to ask why you haven't made another appointment say "we both know why not" and leave it at that!

No, it’s not terrible advice. Victims of sexual assault have the choice of course but reporting it to the police is a very reasonable course of action.

You really need to watch what you say where sexual assault victims are concerned. It’s bad enough being assaulted without people giving their opinions on why you shouldn’t report it, should you wish to.

Police....?

I can't imagine having a massage by a man.

I'd make sure the massage person is female next time.

So sorry OP. How disgusting of him. Please do report- it’s sexual assault. I fall asleep during massages and I’m sure I’m not the only one.