Public tantrum - comments

[HeyGoat]

NC for this. Feeling very upset and overwhelmed so want to know thoughts (as I’m sure it’ll happen again!)

My DS has just turned 3. He’s a lovely sensitive little soul. Yesterday we went to a playtime session held in a local venue where they have blocks and toys to play with and he usually loved it. However, someone took his tower that he was building (the other parent did nothing) and my DS started crying quite loudly.

I took him away from the other kids, tried to calm him down but he was shouting and crying. He eventually (within at least 3-4 mins) did stop and was happy to continue.

However, a member of staff from the venue came up to us saying how loud DS was and that she could hear him from outside. I kindly said he wasn’t very happy but now is, and that it is normal for kids to cry.

Since then I’ve felt so so so judged. Those moments are tough as parents and I already knew everyone was looking at me and DS but I did my best to diffuse the situation. But I feel so bad that a random member of the public needed to comment.

should I have done something differently?

Meh ignore op. You are managing a toddler. They aren't a one size fits all breed.....
The judgey people's day will come.
I once left a trolley of unpaid for shopping when ds 3 was demanding a toy and got hysterical.. Took him home. He was stunned and behaved after that at Tesco!!.

Were they a member of staff or a random member of the public?

nah you were fine, people are just bellends sometimes xx

Ah thank you for these comments so far. I’ve been feeling so awful and replaying the moment over and over.

Member of staff from the venue (so not directly running the session)

I’d totally ignore it and only feel utmost sympathy for a parent in your situation. Have a nearly 3yo who gets upset too, that’s what they do at this age!!

That’s how I would react too. I’ve seen children do similar things and I just know it’s the age and understand the parent. But here I just felt so so judged.

Isn't a crying child the normal back ground noise of most play venues? Must have been a slow day for a member of staff to go out of there way to make a comment like that!

In all seriousness, if I hear a crying child when im out with mine ill only look to offer an friendly smile. Funny how people expect children so small to regulate there emotions and behaviours when they cant manage to do it themselves.

I also wish the other parents would’ve stopped their child taking the blocks. Eventually all they did say was that my DS should’ve shared. Sigh!

I agree. Also he really did calm down after a few mins. It was loud I do agree. But even after I told her that he’s little and upset and is crying she felt the need to continue saying it’s very loud!

Most parents would’ve just ignored this, in relief it wasn’t their child. You could’ve perhaps taken him out if it was very loud, but I don’t think you did anything wrong.

I took him away from the main play area into more of a quieter space (so away from the main toys) perhaps I should’ve taken him actually outside (but the exit was rather far away) but thought I was being considerate in removing him from the actual play area.

Its easier said than done because that comment would rub me up the wrong way as well but pay them no attention. Crying usually only has one volume and as you clearly could hear what she was saying in order to respond, you could obviously hear how loud the crying was as well 🙃

Also agree it was annoying the blocks were taken, hopefully someone else stole them back 😂

I think depends on the venue. If it was being held in a library for example and he was disturbing other people, I'd have taken him outside to calm down. If it was solely a kids venue, suck it up, toddlers cry, it's kind of their thing.

Who hasn’t been there / done that?

As in made the comment or had a child in the situation?

Not sure if yanbu means you should have done things differently or not.

Sounds as if you dud exactly what you should have done. The incident happened, your little one was understandably upset, so ypu took him out of the situation to calm him.

Other parent should have been watching, but little ones can move quickly so I can understand that it happens. Some children like building, orhers like knocking down. When he started crying, if I was the other parent and had seen my child and the remains of the tower, I would have asked what had happened and at least apologised to you. What I did with my child may have varied Depending on age and exact circumstances. There needs to be a point at which children start being told, in an age appropriate way that they have done something wrong. If not they won't understand and learn from past events.

We actually heard the parent say that DS needs to learn to share when he started crying….

I would struggle not to tell them they need to learn some manners. He's two. What's their excuse?

Ah this thread has made me feel better. Just an annoying set of events today with the annoying parent and then annoying staff member.

What do they expect at a toddler session. It isn't going to be silent- there will be noise. Todlers sometines screm or shout when excited, cry when upset, and have tantrums. More children, more likelihood of noise, even without the above .

Until their child doesn't want to share, and has something taken from them by another toddler.

There is times when they should share and play with something together.

There are other times when sharing means waiting for someone to finish their go before having yours. Hard for little ones to understand, but it is the place of the parent to build that understanding.

People can conveniently forget that sharing works both ways. To expect others to share with you, you also need to share with them.

So true. Their little one was quite young (perhaps 1) so will learn!

You should have congratulated on her working hearing.

Cheeky cow. Children cry, it’s what they do. It was a toddler play session fgs, she’s lucky it only went on for 3 or 4 minutes. Pay no attention to her.

Just ignore. Once one of mine threw a tantrum in the supermarket and lay on the floor and screamed. I chose to carry on down the aisle and ignore it but could feel lots of judgy eyes watching me. One lovely woman came over to me and said you are doing a great job. I was so grateful for that bit of support. So don’t worry op, you are doing a great job.