Page 2 | Public tantrum - comments

HeyGoat · 2026-02-14T21:31:47+00:00

NC for this. Feeling very upset and overwhelmed so want to know thoughts (as I’m sure it’ll happen again!) My DS has just turned 3. He’s a lovely sensitive little soul. Yesterday we went to a playtime session held in a local venue where they have blocks and toys to play with and he usually loved it. However, someone took his tower that he was building (the other parent did nothing) and my DS started crying quite loudly. I took him away from the other kids, tried to calm him down but he was shouting and crying. He eventually (within at least 3-4 mins) did stop and was happy to continue. However, a member of staff from the venue came up to us saying how loud DS was and that she could hear him from outside. I kindly said he wasn’t very happy but now is, and that it is normal for kids to cry. Since then I’ve felt so so so judged. Those moments are tough as parents and I already knew everyone was looking at me and DS but I did my best to diffuse the situation. But I feel so bad that a random member of the public needed to comment. should I have done something differently?

Talkingfrog · 14/02/2026 22:02

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 21:59

So true. Their little one was quite young (perhaps 1) so will learn!

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Even more reason to be paying closer attention to what he was doing. Session i went to, a group of mums would sit around in a circle. Some had backs to children, but I don't think the others were watching instead.
Always rhe same ones that would help to clear up at the end, and those that wouldn't.

Original poster

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:02

Junegirl15 · 14/02/2026 22:00

Just ignore. Once one of mine threw a tantrum in the supermarket and lay on the floor and screamed. I chose to carry on down the aisle and ignore it but could feel lots of judgy eyes watching me. One lovely woman came over to me and said you are doing a great job. I was so grateful for that bit of support. So don’t worry op, you are doing a great job.

I really needed to hear this. Thank you. Xx

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Original poster

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:03

TheFairyCaravan · 14/02/2026 21:59

You should have congratulated on her working hearing.

Cheeky cow. Children cry, it’s what they do. It was a toddler play session fgs, she’s lucky it only went on for 3 or 4 minutes. Pay no attention to her.

Thank you for this. It’s just so irritating she continued saying it Ergh!!!

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Original poster

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:03

Wonder if anyone has any guidance on what I could do better in this situation next time to avoid the comments?

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Marmite1992 · 14/02/2026 22:05

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:03

Wonder if anyone has any guidance on what I could do better in this situation next time to avoid the comments?

Nothing, you handled it just fine. That person who made the comment clearly doesn't have kids and if they do have some one day then they'll realise how unhelpful and dumb they were

KilkennyCats · 14/02/2026 22:06

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 21:35

Member of staff from the venue (so not directly running the session)

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Maybe she was running a different session elsewhere and he could be heard in there?
Don’t know what she expected you to do about it, though.

Original poster

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:07

KilkennyCats · 14/02/2026 22:06

Maybe she was running a different session elsewhere and he could be heard in there?
Don’t know what she expected you to do about it, though.

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Nope she was working the front desk. No other events for her to run…

She specifically said she could hear it from her desk.

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Livelovebehappy · 14/02/2026 22:11

Did she say it in a judgey way, as in ‘I heard your child from outside, why didn’t you keep them quiet’ or ‘gosh, someone’s loud today’ in a jokey way?

ThatMintMember · 14/02/2026 22:11

You did nothing wrong by the sounds of it! You could have spoken up a bit if another little one upset your child though and the parent did nothing. If that had happened to my little boy I'd have taken the blocks back and offered to share some of them with the other child. My son was very passive about that kind of thing but if something upset him I spoke up for him.

As an example, we went into a play session once and as we arrived a toddler we didn't know just grabbed my son by his top and wouldn't let go, I had to physically prize his hands off my son and he was so upset afterwards that he wouldn't even play. I made a point of locating the kids mother, she wasn't even on the same level as her child so hadn't seen. I told her what had happened and told her to supervise her child! Why should I let my child think it's fine to let other kids treat him badly and not do anything about it?!

Original poster

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:13

Livelovebehappy · 14/02/2026 22:11

Did she say it in a judgey way, as in ‘I heard your child from outside, why didn’t you keep them quiet’ or ‘gosh, someone’s loud today’ in a jokey way?

In an absolutely judgey way. The tone was awful. Not kind at all.

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Original poster

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:13

ThatMintMember · 14/02/2026 22:11

You did nothing wrong by the sounds of it! You could have spoken up a bit if another little one upset your child though and the parent did nothing. If that had happened to my little boy I'd have taken the blocks back and offered to share some of them with the other child. My son was very passive about that kind of thing but if something upset him I spoke up for him.

As an example, we went into a play session once and as we arrived a toddler we didn't know just grabbed my son by his top and wouldn't let go, I had to physically prize his hands off my son and he was so upset afterwards that he wouldn't even play. I made a point of locating the kids mother, she wasn't even on the same level as her child so hadn't seen. I told her what had happened and told her to supervise her child! Why should I let my child think it's fine to let other kids treat him badly and not do anything about it?!

Usually would’ve but he began screaming the second the blocks went and that was the trigger within a second.

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Original poster

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:16

ThatMintMember · 14/02/2026 22:11

You did nothing wrong by the sounds of it! You could have spoken up a bit if another little one upset your child though and the parent did nothing. If that had happened to my little boy I'd have taken the blocks back and offered to share some of them with the other child. My son was very passive about that kind of thing but if something upset him I spoke up for him.

As an example, we went into a play session once and as we arrived a toddler we didn't know just grabbed my son by his top and wouldn't let go, I had to physically prize his hands off my son and he was so upset afterwards that he wouldn't even play. I made a point of locating the kids mother, she wasn't even on the same level as her child so hadn't seen. I told her what had happened and told her to supervise her child! Why should I let my child think it's fine to let other kids treat him badly and not do anything about it?!

How awful. I hope your son went back another time and loved the session?

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TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 14/02/2026 22:16

I think at some points, especially when we're feeling a bit raw with our kid's behaviour, we can absorb criticism a bit more easily.

A few days ago my son unusually said he was tired and didn't want to go to an activity. Since it wasn't prepaid, I went along with his wish to stay home. I mentioned this in passing to my friends, and they said that they didn't let their kids decide, what they say goes etc. Later, he said he felt sick, so I skipped his second activity and lo and behold, he was later sick.

So my parenting instincts were exactly right - but I still felt a bit raw about the comments! I still do, even though it was proven to be the right call!

Because it's not nice to have the most important thing you do (parenting) looked at from the outside and judged as wanting.

Original poster

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:19

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 14/02/2026 22:16

I think at some points, especially when we're feeling a bit raw with our kid's behaviour, we can absorb criticism a bit more easily.

A few days ago my son unusually said he was tired and didn't want to go to an activity. Since it wasn't prepaid, I went along with his wish to stay home. I mentioned this in passing to my friends, and they said that they didn't let their kids decide, what they say goes etc. Later, he said he felt sick, so I skipped his second activity and lo and behold, he was later sick.

So my parenting instincts were exactly right - but I still felt a bit raw about the comments! I still do, even though it was proven to be the right call!

Because it's not nice to have the most important thing you do (parenting) looked at from the outside and judged as wanting.

Bless. I hope your LO is fully recovered now x

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ThatMintMember · 14/02/2026 22:30

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:16

How awful. I hope your son went back another time and loved the session?

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He did thank you :) unfortunately we've had a few similar incidents with grabby kids! He's a sensitive little soul but I do my best to speak up for him.

Don't worry at all about the tantrum, that was caused by someone else's kid and their parents so not your fault at all. Don't feel you need to duck out to keep everyone else happy! :)

Original poster

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:36

ThatMintMember · 14/02/2026 22:30

He did thank you :) unfortunately we've had a few similar incidents with grabby kids! He's a sensitive little soul but I do my best to speak up for him.

Don't worry at all about the tantrum, that was caused by someone else's kid and their parents so not your fault at all. Don't feel you need to duck out to keep everyone else happy! :)

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Glad to hear! Never nice when the little ones are poorly and good on you for listening to your gut ❤️

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Catza · 14/02/2026 22:51

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 21:48

We actually heard the parent say that DS needs to learn to share when he started crying….

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And so he will. I honestly think you are overthinking this. So a couple of people said something, so what. That's a reflection on them, not you. If staff member doesn't like loud children, they should not work at this venue. End of. Nothing whatsoever to do with you.

Original poster

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:57

Catza · 14/02/2026 22:51

And so he will. I honestly think you are overthinking this. So a couple of people said something, so what. That's a reflection on them, not you. If staff member doesn't like loud children, they should not work at this venue. End of. Nothing whatsoever to do with you.

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Because it’s the first time it’s happened that someone has commented and I felt like crap.

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Twingoo · 14/02/2026 23:33

These things trigger intense emotions - your child screaming, feeling socially uncomfortable, deciding on what action to take, diffusing a meltdown in public, being annoyed or conscious of the other parents, then being ‘told off’ - that’s a lot of emotional incidents compounding on each other. It’s no wonder you feel discombobulated. Don’t try to blame or feel shame. Let it go. Your DS is recalibrated now - make sure you are too.

Original poster

HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 07:51

Twingoo · 14/02/2026 23:33

These things trigger intense emotions - your child screaming, feeling socially uncomfortable, deciding on what action to take, diffusing a meltdown in public, being annoyed or conscious of the other parents, then being ‘told off’ - that’s a lot of emotional incidents compounding on each other. It’s no wonder you feel discombobulated. Don’t try to blame or feel shame. Let it go. Your DS is recalibrated now - make sure you are too.

Thank you ❤️

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muddyford · 15/02/2026 07:56

I'm not a mother but it sounds as though you handled it very well. Like the young Dad in Sainsbury's a few weeks ago, picked up his tantruming son under his arm, like a roll of carpet, and took him outside to calm down.

AfternoonTeaAddict · 15/02/2026 08:00

TheFairyCaravan · 14/02/2026 21:59

You should have congratulated on her working hearing.

Cheeky cow. Children cry, it’s what they do. It was a toddler play session fgs, she’s lucky it only went on for 3 or 4 minutes. Pay no attention to her.

Yes this. Think no more of it. Most of us have been there. I do recall a friend of mine (who also has had children) getting shirty about a kid crying in a cafe and I thought to myself Don't you remember what that time was like?'

My favourite story about a tantrum. DS1 was about 3 and had a massive tantrum on the ground on the pavement. I stood over him, feet planted either side of him so he would not roll into the actual road and just stood looking into the middle distance with my arms folded while he thrashed about. Then I noticed we were opposite a bus stop and the entire bus was laughing at us - but in a supportive understanding way. It made me laugh too and was a nice memory in the end. Just everyone on that damned bus 'got it'.

ApplebyArrows · 15/02/2026 08:27

Bizarre behaviour from the adults. Why would anyone who has previously encountered a child make those kinds of comments?

Original poster

HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 08:33

ApplebyArrows · 15/02/2026 08:27

Bizarre behaviour from the adults. Why would anyone who has previously encountered a child make those kinds of comments?

I wish I knew. It’s still bothering me!

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Original poster

HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 08:34

AfternoonTeaAddict · 15/02/2026 08:00

Yes this. Think no more of it. Most of us have been there. I do recall a friend of mine (who also has had children) getting shirty about a kid crying in a cafe and I thought to myself Don't you remember what that time was like?'

My favourite story about a tantrum. DS1 was about 3 and had a massive tantrum on the ground on the pavement. I stood over him, feet planted either side of him so he would not roll into the actual road and just stood looking into the middle distance with my arms folded while he thrashed about. Then I noticed we were opposite a bus stop and the entire bus was laughing at us - but in a supportive understanding way. It made me laugh too and was a nice memory in the end. Just everyone on that damned bus 'got it'.

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Brilliant!!! Did it do the trick?

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