To find it enraging that my husband goes to the toilet for five minutes without fail every time dinner is ready

[Designless]

Why the fuck can't he go during the hour before dinner inevitably being ready instead of making everyone wait imaging him sitting on the shitter?

If I ever express annoyance he whines really annoyingly.

God it feels good to let this out.

I wish MY bowels were obedient! 😬 I never know when a poo is coming. I get like, 2 minutes warning, then I gotsta go!

Luckily, I only go in the early morning... Twice usually. About 20 minutes after breakfast, then about half an hour later. So I rarely get caught short away from home!

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I don't agree with holding poo in for a long time if you need to go. Its healthy to go when you get the urge.

However if I get the urge during a work meeting, or while I'm driving, or at school parent's eve, or in tesco or any number of places where holding on for a short while would be appropriate i have no trouble in doing so. I would expect most healthy adults not to disrupt family meal time and just wait for half an hour. Anything else is weird and/or rude.

For balance my wife does this, I just start without her and don't tell her it's ready. 32 years of often eating alone and cold food and she hasn't improved.

I'm in Australia where the rules used to be very similar to UK ones: two doors between a toilet and the next habitable room. This was the case in every place I lived in the UK, bar one.
In Oz, one-storey houses, or houses as they are called, are very common so the bathroom will be near a kitchen or living room. In the two rentals I lived in there was only the bathroom door and in one, my God it was near the kitchen. Now I think of it, they were open plan.

The house we bought was a renovated 50s building so the family bathroom was on the ground floor but with a second door to separate it from the rest of the house. Far more hygienic and crucially soundproofs the, ahem, sounds of evacuation. The man who built it it, and lived there, plainly love doors. There are loads of the buggers.

DH gets annoyed when he shouts “tea’s ready” and my brain then remembers I need to empty the washing machine. At least that smells nicer.

😆

Do you serve dinner at the same time each day? If you do I’d have to delay by an hour if you do just to see if it was something triggered by the time itself or if it was the act of serving dinner.

Years ago, the regs specified there had to be a lobby, but nowadays you need only one door.

You mean one out one in surely? 🤣

I don’t understand why you need to “think of him defecating”? We all do it, doesn’t mean we all actively imagine someone doing it?! That’s pretty weird.

Personally I’d leave him to it. Dish up, start eating and let him do what he wants. If his dinner goes cold or he ends up eating alone then that’s on him.

Definitely have a ten minute warning. We instituted this because the cooks were fed up with people not coming to dinner promptly and it worked a treat. .

In his defence it's possible that the food thoughts set off the digestive system/sometimes a prompt of any kind is what sets things off. We've all suffered running water syndrome!

I suppose the fact new builds walls are practically made of chipboard these days I doubt it would make much difference anyway 😁

It’s very simple, you stop cooking for him. He’s doing it deliberately so you need to be deliberate too.

And try a candle in the bathroom instead of air freshener. Works well.

Get some matches in the loo and tell him to strike one up when he shits. The flame burns off the methane which is what stinks.

You jammy bugger!

Id be happy it wasn't 20 to 30 min. Just tell him earlier

Start taking the piss.
Dinins will be ready in ten minutes sweetie. Do you need to go potty now

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread, but theres an actual physical reason for it. The brain sends a message to the gut that food is incoming. Gut begins to move. There's a very strong nervous connection between gut and brain and vv that is operating outside of his consciousness- hes only aware of the signal its time to take a shit.
Both my husband and my son do this. Its infuriating. I wish they'd find an alternative habit but its really bad for the body to ignore the signal to take a shit.
Sorry sorry sorry. Sympathies and commiserations.

What???
I dont know if Im abnormal but I need to go when get the urge or I would have an accident, luckily I go straight after breakfast

I cant imagine eating whilst I need the loo

Hi OP,

just a tip to check if he is taking his phone to the toilet. I find a lot of men do this and it extends the time they are in the loo. If so I would say he’s not allowed his phone for toilet visits before dinner because of hygiene’s reasons. But not sure if this applies . Feeling your pain!

Dh doesnt do this but lately he has started "just washing the pots" it infuriates me to the point we have had arguments over it (and we dont really argue) he is the worlds slowest water and now doesnt conlme to the table on time. I stopped waiting or.yelling at him to come in.and just ate and tidied my portion away. He acted wounded the first few times and I told him I was not waiting for him to do dishes he coild do in 30 mins and have cold food due to this. He has eased off.

I would eat and pack away let him eat alone for a period. However I would tell.him from today this is what will happen and stick with it. Make him.tidy up etc

H does this too. Doesn’t matter if I tell him dinner is nearly ready. I think it’s probably true that there’s some sort of biological urge but H definitely now associates it will having his dinner ready for him on a plate. If I leave it in a saucepan he gets fucked off. I don’t cook much for him now because it fucks me off.

Said as if it's a toaster too near to the ketttle - as it's so easy to move it away if it is too close 🤔

Thats really interesting. thank you.

(its still flipping infuriating though so I'm not changing my vote)

I was just thinking it seems a bad design like it was an added in downstairs lav - not one that originally came with the house.