To find it enraging that my husband goes to the toilet for five minutes without fail every time dinner is ready

[Designless]

Why the fuck can't he go during the hour before dinner inevitably being ready instead of making everyone wait imaging him sitting on the shitter?

If I ever express annoyance he whines really annoyingly.

God it feels good to let this out.

I banned my DH from using the downstairs toilet for a shit.

Do you have dinner roughly the same time each day? Dish up half an hour later & see if he goes at your normal dinner time. If not, it could be psychological, he thinks I'll be eating food so I need to empty my bowels.
My thinking could be a load of crap though!😅

Do you need to imagine it?

My bloody FIL does this, it’s like Pavlov’s Dog as soon as ‘serving up’ is mentioned.
I now give the ten minute warning!

This is vile. I can't believe so many of you are having your mealtimes spoiled because of your husbands bowels. My 10 year old son always needs a wee as soon as he sits down for a meal but thats because he never stops moving at any other time. I'm shocked that so many grown have this pavlovian response to dinner being served.

Yes if every fucking time he says "just going to the loo"!!!!

It's a thing. I don't pretend to understand it. It's not you

Maybe it's some annoying evolved thing from caveman times am genuinely surprised to learn other men are doing it

Does he do the 45 minute shit thing or is he in and out? How long are you waiting to serve?

Cos I'm not fancy I guess, I didn't design the place

OP I love you 😂

My DH does this too. But I would never wait for him.

I think women who live through this need some kind of award. It’s just incredible strength of character.

I mean, the other day I snuck up to my bedroom for 5 minutes of peace from the kids who were finally happy.

Instead of a. Staying with them or b. Using the downstairs loo, DH came upstairs and went into the ensuite to poo. When he locked the door I “knew” what he was up to and went back downstairs burning with rage.

Honestly I want to LTP (leave the pooer) over this.

My grandfather used to do this.
It was a control thing. One of many of his control things.

My brother started trying it so one day mum had his dinner served up for him before calling out dinner's ready. He gave the usual, 'just off to the loo' and as he wandered out of the room she handed him his dinner, knife and fork and told him to take it with him because we weren't waiting. His face 😂

He never did it again.

But @JoyOfSpecs how can anyone control when they need a shit/do a shit?

My son (23) is the opposite. No sooner has he finished his dinner, but he’s off for a shit. One of his 4 a day. We joke he has the most rudimentary of digestive systems, possibly just one straight pipe.

He would never dream of going in the downstairs loo though.

I have complete control. I go first thing in the morning and last thing at night. If I’m away from home for a night, I don’t even feel
the urge. Similarly, I’ve never in my life been while at work or in a restaurant, friend’s house etc. My bowels are extremely obedient. It’s like they don’t engage unless my brain wants them too.

Why do you need to wait for him?? It sounds like a deliberate control thing, liking to hold others up because he's The Man Of The House and nothing can go ahead until he's there to oversee it.

I'd just carry on without him. If his food goes cold, tough tits. Bet he'll mysteriously stop wasting time

In the case of my grandfather I think it was a tactical shit (that wasn't actually a shit) to have everyone waiting on him.

Most people do have some control over when they shit otherwise people would be crapping themselves all over town.

Tell him it really bothers you and it’s repellent. Ask if he’ll try and wait until after the meal, or go earlier in the day. It’s all very well him being wounded about it, but it doesn’t change his behaviour. It certainly doesn’t seem to shame him.

My husband genuinely pisses and poohs at the same time everyday! I don’t need a clock to tell me what time it is! I have blamed it on his upbringing…rigid 🤦‍♀️

@borntooobewild
My mother was like this. She ascribed it to going to visit relatives, when she was about 3. They had a nanny for the children, so she was assimilated into the collective.
My grandparents did have domestic staff, but no nanny, once they returned to the UK, where my aunt and mother were born. Their older 2 siblings were born abroad.

I didn't think house/flat designers are meant to put a toilet so close to a kitchen.
Isn't there some kind of rule??

The human elimination system is a complex thing @Designless. It's habits are often set in childhood.

I sympathise with both of you.